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Original poster

To think they have no idea about what it will be like (lighthearted)

123 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 03/05/2018 08:43

LIGHTHEARTED!!

Some friends of ours have just announced they are expecting their first baby, which is obviously lovely and we are very pleased for them. However they keep talking about "how it will be when baby gets here..."
E.g.

  • beautiful traditional Moses basket with white broderie anglaise covers in their bedroom - definitely no co-sleeping!
  • absolutely no plastic toys - no plastic rattles, baby swings or anything like jumperoos
  • traditional baby clothes only and will use towelling nappies

Aibu to think these are all LOVELY intentions but they need to get a grip?! DD is 5 months and I want to tell them...

  • baby will almost definitely end up in your bed at least once, and the beautiful Moses basket will get covered in posset and probably wee
  • you may have to give in a get a baby swing if baby has reflux just to soothe it, or a brightly coloured plastic teething ring when it's drooling everywhere. And people give you mountains of plastic stuff so you end up with it anyway.
  • fussing with baby outfits is a nightmare when dealing with explosive poos and nighttime changes are much easier with zippy sleepsuits. And Grobags are amazing ... I know not as pretty as crocheted blankets but at least baby can't kick the buggers off.
And towelling nappies aren't ideal for out and about when you're carrying a shitty parcel in your handbag all day.

I have, of course, said nothing Grin

Anyone else have friends like this? I admit I had no idea what having a baby would be like in practical terms... I think they're in for a shock!

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 03/05/2018 08:46

Of course you can quietly roll your eyes, just don't be mean and burst their bubble! Lots of people will be rolling their eyes about the fact that you think you're a parenting expert with a five month old... Because that's how life goes. We all get a bit superior about people who are clueless about something we've already done, even if we were exactly the same.

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 03/05/2018 08:48

Yep, it's a lighthearted thread... not saying I'm a parenting expert obviously. I am clueless and guessing everything and finding it all hard.
Got to love Mumsnet! Grin

OP posts:
CookPassBabtridge · 03/05/2018 08:50

You are totally right but let them have their dream, and they will slowly discover the truth for themselves. You can be there with a glass of wine when she's ready to moan Grin

Bunchofdaffodils · 03/05/2018 08:53

It’s nice to dream. But you never know, there are some people who seam to manage to live a perfectly beautiful life(at least to observers!)

MargaretCavendish · 03/05/2018 08:53

I wasn't trying to be nasty, just point out that we're all 'ahead' of some people and 'behind' others, but tend to be better about spotting the people who we know better than! To give a work example... When I had just finished my PhD I was full of advice for other PhD students, certain that I now, from my position of great experience, knew how they should be doing things. I look back now and think that I still didn't know anything then!

purplemunkey · 03/05/2018 08:54

I don't know, they all sound achievable to me. If they don't want to buy plastic toys and disposable nappies I'm sure they'll cope just fine. Other people may buy them plastic toys though. My moses basket didn't get covered in milk or wee. We did co sleep but I know plenty who didn't. They can dress baby how they like.

I know it's meant to be lighthearted but it feels a little mean TBH.

TeddyIsaHe · 03/05/2018 08:55

Yeah I was like that. Full of optimism! I can’t move for the amount of plastic crap now and reusable nappies lasted about 3 days.

Let them dream! And offer to babysit for them when reality hits Grin

QOD · 03/05/2018 08:57

Woman at work announced the other day that she’s going to be cooking everything from scratch when she’s home with the baby. Her hubby will love coming home to his dinner ready and waiting
Other colleague and I with teens met eyes and laughed and laughed. Bless her
I can remember spending a whole day with no trousers on as dd just wouldn’t let up posseting and screaming

Iliketeaagain · 03/05/2018 08:58

I think most first mothers-to-be have an idealist view of what it's going to be like when the baby is born.
It's not meant as an insult to anyone else's parenting, so let them have their plans.

Zaphodsotherhead · 03/05/2018 09:03

Keep quiet, OP. I had great intentions too, when I had Number One.

I kept them up for about a week. By the time Number Five was born my standards were lower than those animals that give birth and then abandon the baby ten minutes later.

Let them have their dreams. They will smile along with you in a year or so's time.

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 03/05/2018 09:03

@QOD that's hilarious - was it that you didn't get a moment to put trousers on or because they kept getting spat on?
My MIL tells a funny story about accidentally answering the door to the decorators with both boobs out as she'd just fed the baby and forgot to button her pyjama top up

OP posts:
FlyingElbows · 03/05/2018 09:06

Just smile and nod and let them find out the hard way like everyone else. They won't believe you anyway!

PurpleTraitor · 03/05/2018 09:08

It’s lovely that they are excited about their baby. There are plenty of people who don’t take baby into their bed, and plenty of people who use cloth nappies. I had one baby who never slept in my bed, one who did all the time. Different children. Both only used cloth nappies (towelling nappies, if you will). Their beds never got covered in wee (sick, yes, but that colour matches with their white Broderie anglaise).

It doesn’t really sound lighthearted to be honest. It sounds eye rolly. Yes, they will change their perspective- we all do - let them have their excitement now.

ClopChops · 03/05/2018 09:09

I am 36 weeks and I come across this attitude frequently of people saying I’m going to have a shock to the system, and nothing can prepare me for it, I won’t know tiredness like it, basically countless different ways of saying “ha ha, you’ll see”. I do think it’s a bit mean because I haven’t disparaged anyone else’s parenting or said it’s easy, just feels like parents like to Lord it over pregnant first timers and I don’t really get it.

I know it isn’t meant nastily and I know this thread isn’t meant nastily but I do find it tiresome. It will be what it will be and somehow I will find my way, as will the OP’s friends, same as anyone else who ever had a baby. They’re excited so let them be excited instead of saying they need to “get a grip”.

stickerrocks · 03/05/2018 09:11

Co-sleeping? What's that? DD was in a basket from day 1, then a cot in her own room. She never had the slightest inclination to sleep with us, except to get under the duvet at the foot of the bed on Christmas morning.

mustbemad17 · 03/05/2018 09:12

I'm with you except the cloth nappies...baby number 3 & i'm clothing from birth, cannot wait 😊😊

I love giggling at first timers' expectations. Especially when they say something i was guilty of uttering...i just want to replay them segments of my life & go 'yeah, i thought that too'

Someone i know is pregnant & she has this ideal that her child will say & do exactly as she says from the word go. I nearly snorted my drink out my nose...i mean, the woman works with pre-schoolers, so isn't exactly naive to the wilfullness of child 😂

LisaSimpsonsbff · 03/05/2018 09:12

As a pregnant woman I've tried really hard not to be like this, but it turns out people want to give you all their sage advice anyway! I have literally had conversations that go:

Them: where are you planning to give birth?
Me: the hospital, hopefully MLU but I know anything can happen so not getting too attached to that
Them: oh birth plans are useless nonsense, you have to just accept that anything can happen
Me: ...
Them: let me tell you my horrific story of how I was MOMENTS FROM DEATH

I've had the same sort of thing about sleeping, eating, etc. People are determined to tell you that you're naive and have silly plans whatever you tell them!

mustbemad17 · 03/05/2018 09:14

It's almost like a rite of passage i think. Guarantee every pregnant woman has had it one time or another...we just like to pass it down the line 😂😂

ABitOfInsecurity · 03/05/2018 09:15

I think we all idealise and end up having to compromise on some things. And the reality is that those who do manage to achieve what they set out to or for who things do work out differently, they are often discouraged from talking about it because it is seen to be smug, when actually all babies are different and what works for one doesn’t work for another and so on.

And it depends on how strongly you believe in something.

Mine never ever co slept. I didn’t have a dummy. Moses basket never got covered in milk, he slept through from about ten weeks and never looked back. And I did cook everything from scratch. I have n

CookPassBabtridge · 03/05/2018 09:18

It's not mean to think it because we've all been there, and they will look back too!

ABitOfInsecurity · 03/05/2018 09:19

Apologies hit post too soon.

I have never had a jar of baby food in my house. But the tv I wasn’t going to allow happened earlier than I had planned, the breastfeeding I was sure was just a matter of getting right never happened. And truth is that this kind of thinking runs all throughout their childhoods. Mine is a teenager now, and when I look back on parents who say their children would never be allowed chocolate, never any sweets, no sugar, no television, who have to adjust their expectations as their children move out into the world, and then when their children become teens and they know how they want them to be, but by then they’re individuals with their own opinions and the ability to voice them inteligently.

Parenting is just one learning experience after another as they grow up....

pigeondujour · 03/05/2018 09:19

You know saying lighthearted doesn't automatically prevent you from sounding snide? 'They need to get a grip' isn't really a lighthearted thing to say.

Lots of people will be rolling their eyes about the fact that you think you're a parenting expert with a five month old

Yep.

4GreenApples · 03/05/2018 09:20

Just smile and nod and leave them to it.

It may work out the way they’re visualising (their aims all sound more or less achievable), they may change their views, but it’d be a bit mean to try and burst their bubble.

MrsPreston11 · 03/05/2018 09:23

Saying "lighthearted" doesn't mean I can't read the jealousy.

I said loads when pregnant with my first (exclusively breastfeed, co-sleep, never let DD cry it out, cloth nappies, wouldn't introduce solids until 6 months etc.)

I got laughed in my face.

I did all of them, and the same with my second.

Funny enough no one told me I was being an idiot with the expectations I had with my second.

Sure babies are a shock, but it's not like they're saying things plenty of people haven't done before. I think it's sad they don't want baby in their bed, but I know plenty of people who haven't had a baby in their bed.

RedDwarves · 03/05/2018 09:24

People parented just that way 20+ years ago and managed just fine.

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