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Original poster

To think they have no idea about what it will be like (lighthearted)

123 replies

Diorissimo1985 · 03/05/2018 08:43

LIGHTHEARTED!!

Some friends of ours have just announced they are expecting their first baby, which is obviously lovely and we are very pleased for them. However they keep talking about "how it will be when baby gets here..."
E.g.

  • beautiful traditional Moses basket with white broderie anglaise covers in their bedroom - definitely no co-sleeping!
  • absolutely no plastic toys - no plastic rattles, baby swings or anything like jumperoos
  • traditional baby clothes only and will use towelling nappies

Aibu to think these are all LOVELY intentions but they need to get a grip?! DD is 5 months and I want to tell them...

  • baby will almost definitely end up in your bed at least once, and the beautiful Moses basket will get covered in posset and probably wee
  • you may have to give in a get a baby swing if baby has reflux just to soothe it, or a brightly coloured plastic teething ring when it's drooling everywhere. And people give you mountains of plastic stuff so you end up with it anyway.
  • fussing with baby outfits is a nightmare when dealing with explosive poos and nighttime changes are much easier with zippy sleepsuits. And Grobags are amazing ... I know not as pretty as crocheted blankets but at least baby can't kick the buggers off.
And towelling nappies aren't ideal for out and about when you're carrying a shitty parcel in your handbag all day.

I have, of course, said nothing Grin

Anyone else have friends like this? I admit I had no idea what having a baby would be like in practical terms... I think they're in for a shock!

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/05/2018 09:57

Should add, I was violently anti-dummy - until no. 2 had classic, 3 months colic. Dummy was the only thing that seemed to give her any comfort. She didn't give it up entirely until she was nearly 6 - and I gave not a toss. (Teeth always perfect, BTW.)

ClopChops · 03/05/2018 09:59

Thank you for the good wishes @garybarlowstaxreturn and @mummyoflittledragon!

I’m actually the opposite of OP’s friends in that so many of my friends have kids and have given me the horror stories that instead of being excited and thinking it will be easy I’m just scared I’ll hate it. I just sort of wish people had let me be and discover for myself, but mainly I’m just feeling lucky to be pregnant with a healthy baby (touch wood) so it’s not a huge deal. It’s just a bit irritating and unnecessary in my opinion.

Plus while OP’s friends may not achieve all of their ideas, there’s something to be said for aim high shoot low!

AgentHannahWells · 03/05/2018 10:00

It is hard to get balance between not wanting to be a patronising voice of doom but not encouraging them to aim for perfection. No one told my friend how hard it 'could' be and she put loads of pressure on herself and felt a failure when it turned out it is quite hard and boring.

Cutesbabasmummy · 03/05/2018 10:00

Don't shatter their illusions! I have to say our baby never slept with us and he's now three and has only been in with us twice when he's been poorly. We had some fairly trad clothes - no problems. They might be fine with all their intentions - depends on the baby really. Parenthood is always a shock - I couldn't believe that we were being tortured by this tiny thing that slept all day and was awake all night!

sushinelove · 03/05/2018 10:03

I remember saying the words "this baby will just fit round us", I have never been more wrong in my life 😂 and the beautiful Moses basket lasted 4 weeks before he outgrew it! My expectations and realities were quite different

strawberrypenguin · 03/05/2018 10:03

I have 2 dc and neither have ever slept in my bed. Co- sleeping isn't obligatory you know.

vitara · 03/05/2018 10:04

We've only co-slept when they were ill. Day 1 back from hospital and they were in their own bedroom.

We stuck with TV / screen time being unusual as opposed to default and it is. Now they're 6 and 4 they can help themselves to breakfast and watch TV and use their iPads at weekends. There's rarely screen time during the week.

Other than that we didn't really have any 'what it will be like' ideas.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 03/05/2018 10:07

clopchops I feel the same, and something wonder whether all these people who had never heard that newborns are hard have never watched TV, or read a single article about PND! Popular culture is full of the 'new parents exhausted by no sleep' idea, and I really think you'd have to be quite wilful to have never heard that it can be hard. I'm fully expecting it to be something we survive rather than take swimmingly to, but people still seem determined to tell me that I'm so silly and naive and 'nothing can prepare you' - well then shut up and stop trying!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 03/05/2018 10:08

*sometimes wonder

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 03/05/2018 10:08

Haha don't worry of course I'm not actually saying anything - of course they are happy, excited, planning - I'm just bemused about their quite specific plans of how their life will be!
Please, it's a lighthearted thread so don't take offence - each to their own and all that! Surely we can all agree that the first baby is life-altering... (or not Grin)

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 03/05/2018 10:09

This is why you see so many of those beautiful Moses baskets for sale, second hand, but in brand new condition.

As for the other stuff. People manage different things. I, or my DD didn't have issues BF. I cooked from scratch, didn't have a choice, it was the 80's and we were skint. I used cloth nappies, for nearly a year. Life is easier now, so I don't see why you couldn't do that, if you wanted to. I didn't use dummies and they were weaned straight onto cups. I'd never advocate 'no dummies' because they lower SIDS and some babies need to suckle more.

Everyone tried to tell my DD that she couldn't have a HB, she had both hers at home, the second before the MW got there. We've been lucky to not have Sicky babies.

I don't recognise the drudgery some people describe around the Newborn stage.

But I agree that you realise how little you knew about babies, after the baby is here and it can be a massive shock.

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 03/05/2018 10:09

Gosh and as a PP said, nothing worse than telling a pregnant woman a birth horror story - something I would never do!

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 03/05/2018 10:10

Their illusions might be shattered in a lovely way, you never know! I was planning on returning to work asap, baby with pil, bottle feeding, walks with pram, etc. Ended up with over a year off, hate leaving dc with anyone, breastfed until he weaned himself off and still carry him in a sling while being 9 months pregnant with dc2! Complete opposite of what I planned but in a really good way.

DougFargo · 03/05/2018 10:12

Lighthearted my ass. I can't stand smug gits telling soon to be parents how stupid they are and laughing about how much harder it will be than they think.
I hope they have the worlds easiest baby and laugh in your face about how you must have made it difficult for yourself!

DougFargo · 03/05/2018 10:12

(that was lighthearted, btw Hmm)

LaurieMarlow · 03/05/2018 10:13

I agree birth horror stories arent nice.

I had the opposite, with a colleague who'd had two 45 minute labours, no issues at all. I guess it was good to hear that's possible.

Lazypuppy · 03/05/2018 10:14

@Diorissimo1985

My baby sleeps in her moses basket, always has. Soon she'll be in cot in her room. She has never slept in our bed.

I use reusable nappies and think they are brilliant! So much better at holding in explosive poos that disposable.

I always dress baby in outfits, babygrows are like her pjs.

Every baby is different and every parent is different.

Louiselouie0890 · 03/05/2018 10:14

These things don't really bother me just let them have there dream. Although baby really never came into our bed. It petrified me. Also if they really don't want it they won't.

What bothers me more is when I hear girls say "ye were in a stable relationship" (when they're not) "used to babysit kids" (not the same) and speak about it so casually. I feel like shaking them don't do it do not do it lol

PlatypusPie · 03/05/2018 10:17

Not on specific practices, but I did get a friend saying that a baby wasn’t going to make any difference to the pattern of their lives. This was as I gently questioned the choice of new cream sofas in their perfect apartment.

Ruddyuseless · 03/05/2018 10:18

Well OP, you think it's been hard with a 5 month old, just you wait until you have 2, JUST YOU WAIT!!

Glad everyone has taken the thread in the lighthearted way it was intended 🙄😂

Original poster
Diorissimo1985 · 03/05/2018 10:19

ruddy I know! Can't imagine having two, how do people manage?! Grin

OP posts:
LisaSimpsonsbff · 03/05/2018 10:27

I agree birth horror stories arent nice.

Actually, if I'm being less cross and more thoughtful about it, one thing that pregnancy has shown me is that so many women are still carrying an awful lot of their pregnancy and birth around with them, and seem to desperately need an outlet for it that they don't have. I've been astonished at how many women who had their children 30+ years ago are just dying to tell me all about their experiences - I think it leaves a deep scar on many women that society doesn't provide any other way to discuss. Miscarriages are, sadly, the same - once people know you've had one they have all these stories that they profoundly want to tell, but aren't usually 'allowed' to. So I do get why people tell the birth horror stories, even if I wish they wouldn't!

LaurieMarlow · 03/05/2018 10:30

actually, if I'm being less cross and more thoughtful about it, one thing that pregnancy has shown me is that so many women are still carrying an awful lot of their pregnancy and birth around with them, and seem to desperately need an outlet for it that they don't have.

I agree with all of that. I remember a lovely breast feeding counsellor asking me about the birth as her first question and that really touched me had me in floods of tears

Interesting to think what that outlet might be though. Prospective mums aren't ideal.

userabcname · 03/05/2018 10:32

Ah I get what you mean OP. If you had told me this time last year I'd be co-sleeping with my 10 month old I never would have believed you! But they may have one of those dream self-settling, sleeps through from 2 weeks old babies so you never know! Plus it depends on what their priorities are - a mum of 3 said to me recently "oh my favourite thing is planning their outfits for each day and finding quirky clothes for them to wear!" I couldn't believe it - getting DS dressed is a chore for me and he lives in vests and jogging bottoms from Primark! I am amazed she has the time and patience with 3 of them. But everyone is different.

nellieellie · 03/05/2018 10:35

A friend of mine once told me that a male friend of hers whose wife was due to have a baby announced he would be looking after the baby, mum would go back to work, and he would be at home “writing his book”. My friend said nothing. 6 months later, she asked him how the book was coming on. He just looked at her and said “you knew, didn’t you....”