To think they have no idea about what it will be like (lighthearted)

[Diorissimo1985]

LIGHTHEARTED!!

Some friends of ours have just announced they are expecting their first baby, which is obviously lovely and we are very pleased for them. However they keep talking about "how it will be when baby gets here..."
E.g.

• beautiful traditional Moses basket with white broderie anglaise covers in their bedroom - definitely no co-sleeping!
• absolutely no plastic toys - no plastic rattles, baby swings or anything like jumperoos
• traditional baby clothes only and will use towelling nappies

Aibu to think these are all LOVELY intentions but they need to get a grip?! DD is 5 months and I want to tell them...

• baby will almost definitely end up in your bed at least once, and the beautiful Moses basket will get covered in posset and probably wee

• you may have to give in a get a baby swing if baby has reflux just to soothe it, or a brightly coloured plastic teething ring when it's drooling everywhere. And people give you mountains of plastic stuff so you end up with it anyway.

• fussing with baby outfits is a nightmare when dealing with explosive poos and nighttime changes are much easier with zippy sleepsuits. And Grobags are amazing ... I know not as pretty as crocheted blankets but at least baby can't kick the buggers off.

And towelling nappies aren't ideal for out and about when you're carrying a shitty parcel in your handbag all day.

I have, of course, said nothing

Anyone else have friends like this? I admit I had no idea what having a baby would be like in practical terms... I think they're in for a shock!

Definitely walking. My colleague (who does fewer hours than me) is always astounded by the fact we cook from scratch every day and she always says she wishes she could. I've not had a ready meal in the house since I moved in with DH years ago. I find it really funny that some people assume that their experience is universal - everyone's lives are different.

This was normal in the 70s. Only had terry nappies, I never knew anyone who co slept, I had a Moses basket, it never had poo or sick in it. No such things as growbags, all babies slept in babygrows. All had sheets and blankets. We all managed perfectly well.

Bil and sil have a 1 year old. He appears to be fed exclusively on boiled vegetables. When we get together, he sits and munches on his veggies at the dinner table, while the rest of us tuck in to a delicious roast dinner... we all roll our eyes a little 🙄

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam

you are so right. Shoving some tomatoes/mushrooms/garlic, few veg, stock and herbs in a pan to make pasta sauce takes no time at all either.
Making your own stock is even less faff: chuck everything together in slow cooker ideally, no need to peel, leave for a few hours, strain, put liquid in bags and freeze. Done. Ideal when you have babies and young children.

I had a pregnant friend explain very confidently to me that she wouldn’t be carrying her baby round in a sling everywhere like she’d seen some other friends do because she just asn’t that sort of parent, ugh no. I gently pointed out that I hadn’t been that sort of parent either, but I’d still ended up with that sort of baby, so maybe they had too...?

Don’t think she was being smug at all. She just honestly didn’t think that not everything is about a parenting style you get to choose. New parents get absolutely buried in consumerist junk - everything is buy this, buy this, here’s your aspirations Pinterest nursery ideas, here’s the toddler clothes that reflect who you are as a parent. Not much room left for idea of parenting as an interaction with another human, so of course you don’t get to plan it out 100% in advance.

Very true WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam, growing up my parents always cooked from 'scratch' so it has always been the norm for me, my dh's family were the same.

I was rather amazed at some of my NCT group who refused to cook until their 6 week check and lived off ready meals and take away. Great if you have the spare cash to do so but personally I would get sick of it by day 3.

who refused to cook until their 6 week check

What on earth is the reasoning behind it? It takes the same physical effort to put a plate in the microwave.

One year in, I can see this from both sides.

Yes I did have to lower my expectations on some things but not a lot, and I did get frustrated with Smug Been-There-Done-That parents, and still do to some degree. I defiantly persevered with cloth nappies in the early days just to prove the nay sayers wrong (now I love them!)

When talking to new/expectant parents, I tend to go with "This worked for us, but yours may be different"

Because that's it, all children/parents are different. Let them have their high hopes, there's nothing wrong with aiming high, they will learn to comprise soon enough.

hahaha.... oh...

my DD 17 months

-only ever cloth nappied

-moved to her cot in her room at 4weeks old - never co slept and she wouldn't even if I wanted her to now

-only ever had her beautiful crochet and knit blankies (all have been covered in pee and poop and food and gosh knows what else)

-never strict on food, she eats on the go mostly but chewed on bones and meat and carrots and cheese at 4 month+ (daddy introduced choco biscuits at 7 months -.-)

-exclusively BF- had no idea what a bottle was for or how to use it
-never had a dummy and still has no idea what to do with one (and doesn't suck her thumb/fingers)

• only a handful of plastic toys, mostly all wooden. but she really didn't have many till 6 months (except teddies and soft books) and even now she prefers pots and pans and milk bottles

raising a child and giving birth isn't really a parents choice, the little one will be the one calling the shots in reality. But if you're determined then why not?

I mean, beans on toast with grated cheese on top is cooking from scratch and that's a pretty low bar to set!

How do you react when your 6 year old is being bullied?
What do you do when your 8 yo refuses to do homework?
Do you allow your 12 year old to have an iphone?
Do you allow your 14 yo to play 18 rated games on the x box?
Do you allow a 15 yo to drink cider at a friend's birthday party?
How do you get to sleep when your 17 year old is out and says she will make her own way home?

I'm not saying all these have happened to me and my kids- but babies and toddlers are the easy bit.

Brace yourself.

. You don't carry a shitty parcel around with you. The poo is flushed and it's just a wet nappy you carry with you.

I used washable with all three of mine and it wasn't difficult.

Yes but they have to find out/parent their own way. To be fair I’ve never coslept.

I'm on to the teenage stage.
Worrying about how many plastic toys my child has or if they do/don't take a bottle / dummy seems entirely insignificant when facing the trials and worries of adolescence 🤦‍♀️😬

Ha, yes there are lots of things they will learn pretty quickly. I said absolutely no plastic too, then we had the entire contents of Happyland in our house within a year - after several incidents with heavy wooden missiles being thrown around the house/at people's heads... Tried the reusable nappies too, but then spent so much time washing them/carting the smelly things about that they went out the window too.

No, they don't have any idea what it will be like. But neither did we - and some of us have such steep learning curves that it is tempting to feel you don't want all that knowledge wasted by keeping it to yourself! But of course we keep schtum.

Even when you get judgy looks from expecting couples in the supermarket because your feral toddler is screeching about being given the wrong banana eg the one they pointed at and asked for. You can see the little exchanged glances and almost hear them thinking "Well OUR child will never do THAT!"... oh yes they will. Oh yes they fucking will.

We had friends who planned to go on a long flight for a holiday when their first born was 4 weeks old. We quietly thought it might be a little bit ambitious for new parents with a new baby. When baby was born it was a shock to the system, so they didn't go - at the time they would have been on hols they'd got to the stage of going out for a walk and a bit of shopping, but the idea of a flight etc horrified them! But you never know - some folks say travelling with a baby is the easiest thing in the world.

NotTheMrMenAgain

I'm one of those. First long haul flight when DS was 3 months. We went to Cambodia and Thailand and it was brilliant.

My parents took me camping when I was 12 days old. Absolute maniacs. perhaps that’s where my hatred for it started. Who even likes camping when they aren’t bleeding and leaking milk and exhausted and attached to a newborn?

We have never co slept and only use cloth nappies. We also cook from scratch most days or else have something from the freezer. It can be done, it just depends on your priorities, so it would be mean to frighten them. I'm sure we don't do other things that people would consider absolute necessities! Most likely relating to our own personal hygiene...! I think it also depends on the baby. Some are easier than others when it comes to sleeping for example.

Oh but we did embrace plastic toys from the beginning. We have more bouncers than you can shake a plastic light up stick at.

My dd was in a baby crib and Moses basket never co-slept with her. Was in her Nursery in her coat by 5 months old just like I wished.

It doesn't sound unrealistic to me that's what I did with all 7 of mine! Except for the nosest basket, we used those for naps but co slept from the beginning.