To be worried about teenage boys?

[Summerisicumenin]

I am a HLTA in a secondary school. Naice area, very well thought of school and all that.

Teenagers seem to think that adults are all hard of hearing, and because I'm working over a range of classes, I often hear some "interesting" conversations.

Recently, however, I have been struck by the attitudes that seem fairly common amongst the boys.

For example, in the last few weeks I've heard the following, all from different groups of boys chatting in class

• a conversation on how stupid feminists are, discussion of an anti feminism YouTube video they all seem to have watched and swallowed whole, how feminists are thick, stupid, whores.
• one boy was talking about his mother - she earns 40k a year in a responsible, professional role. We are far from London and this is a very good wage in our area. Her son informed his friends that she was a lazy bitch, her wage was pathetic, and she was stupid for working for anything under 70k.
• porn videos they have watched
• one boy got a girlfriend. She allowed him to "finger her". On discovering her pubic hair, he told her "that's disgusting, shave it off". Loud agreement from his friends.
• discussion of a local news story about breastfeeding. Agreement that it's disgusting and women shouldn't do it in public.
• once or twice when a nearby girl has attempted to join the conversation she is jeered at and told to shut the fuck up.
• people on benefits mocked

These are all specific examples. If I were to list the throwaway comments regarding women and girls, I'd be here all day.

On top of this, I've noticed an increasingly dismissive attitude to female members of staff, and in class it's almost always boys who are rude, disrupt the class, and shout down other pupils.

Girls rarely speak in class. When they chat amongst themselves, it is normal stuff about their day, whereas many of the boys have a default attitude of furious and critical.

I don't want it to seem as though I have a downer on boys - I absolutely don't. I've encountered many more who are absolutely delightful young men, and a joy to work with. However it seems as though a significant and growing minority of boys are incredibly angry, rigid and sexist in their thinking, especially around women. I can't help but think a lot of it is down to porn. I don't remember hearing boys speak like that when I was a teenager, and if I did I would have challenged it. I had just as many male friends as female.

It worries me that these boys will become men in a few years, men with views that I thought were outdated long ago, and nobody is challenging them. Or helping them for that matter, because they don't seem very happy either

Porn is NOT the problem. I grew up in an age time and place where porn was absolutely unobtainable.. and attitudes to woman and feminism far far worse.

@Buster72 it's a big contributor to the CURRENT problem. And we are going backwards.

"Boys talked like that when I was a teenager - how old are you (roughly)? I'm nearly 30."

I'm 40 and they were like this when I was young as well.
Some of it is probably bravado, at least I hope so!

"Porn is NOT the problem. I grew up in an age time and place where porn was absolutely unobtainable"

Where was this? Men can get hold of porn even in places like Saudi Arabia. It's likely that the women in their lives don't know about it.

@gwenhyfar. A long time ago before the internet and a long way from the U.K. in a country so repressed you couldn't even by a magazine with a topless photo in it. People actually got prosecuted for owning playboy magazines smuggled in.
And attitudes to women were far worse than those expressed here.
Porn is NOT the issue

Buster - I never said that porn was the issue!
I queried which country had absolutely no porn. I know it's illegal in many countries, but people/men still find it. You say yourself that people were prosecuted for having it so they obviously did, and some might not have been caught.

Anotherdayintheoffice That sounds so rough for your son and for you. I hope things have gotten better for you both.

pigmcpigface There is not universal agreement on structure in relation to agency, it's one of continuing ongoing debates like nature vs nurture. Some ideologies like to act like it's case closed, but when it comes to teaching social sciences, I don't think it should be taught that way.

Most statistical averages I've seen show that men are more likely to be attacked by strangers, more likely to be attacked at night, and more likely to be more seriously injured when attacked. Perceived safety is important but so is giving people a realistic view to base those perceptions on. The recent research across social science fields which gives evidence that women are more likely to have a stronger negative reaction to interactions I think needs further expanding to show why even when some statistics and showing of some broad trends in our favour they are so are often twisted to maintain a negative view. It's one of the great barriers in making improvements, how much things work vs how much people think they've worked.

I am concerned both about young men and young women. We have a lot of young people that are having a lot of difficulties sifting through what's around them - there is a lot - and find their place, their ethics and their boundaries. Their interactions with each other are certainly affected by this. I don't think it is unfair to discuss that girls can be perpetrators and boys can be victims and I think it's nonsensical and infantilizing to act like girls and women can't use the socio-cultural climate and the structures of the society we live in to perpetuate sexed harassment and other violence. Just as those who are victims of male harassment and violence are dismissed, the same is true of victims of female harassment and violence - told it can't be that serious or mocked, told it must be a misunderstanding - we don't do that and if we did, it must have been self defense - what did you do to upset her?, with how often the message in culture and upheld by institutions is far more 'boys can't hit girls' than 'no hitting anyone' and 'she's just more mature, you must like it because you're a young man/bi/a lesbian', knowing statistically we're less likely to get punished and less severely when we do, it's no surprise that some girls and women take advantage. Some are very good at playing the systems, I've certainly seen it happen and seen it supported. Dismissing the victims, of either sex, because of the sex of the perpetrator, and claiming discussing and comparing them is wrong, I don't see how that helps anyone or shows any better understanding of the social sciences.

The original poster and other contributors said that porn was a factor.
I am saying that even in states were porn is damn difficult to get hold of, attitudes towards woman are far worse.
Porn is NOT the problem

"Porn is NOT the problem"

So how come teenagers now think shaved pubic hair and anal sex are the norm?