To be surprised at "at 2 he should be potty trained"

[Anxiousally]

Read an article in my local news paper a few days ago about a little boy who had been expelled from nursery untill his behaviour improves due to him being violent.
In the story his gran had given the paper a statement saying they felt it was unfair on him as he's only 2, he's still practically a baby he's not even toilet trained.
The paper posted the link to the story on their Facebook page and there were a lot of comments slating the family for complaining about the way the nursery had dealt with this child and then someone copied the part of the story where it mentioned about the toilet training and said "at 2 he bloody should be toilet trained and I was shocked. DS will be 2 next month and I'm not even contemplating potty training as I know he's just not ready yet.
Aibu to be surprised at this opinion, now I'm thinking DS should be trying now and worried he's behind?!

Now we know more about development and the importance of emotional wellbeing, eighteen months is the youngest recommended. Before that and it can be physically and emotionally damaged

When will this damage appear?
My three are 18 to 23 now, all potty trained by 12 months. I am now feeling guilty about one of the few bits of parenting I thought I did ok with.

FlowerMug

Perfectly normal.

carbunkle do yiu know if those kids starting school in nappies have SN. It is very u usual otherwise.

Potty trained by 12 months??

Total bollocks. Sorry as a mum of 6 since 1989 and know literally hundreds of children as a nurse a TA and a mum never ever had any of them been trained at 12 months.

You just sit them on the potty after meals. Very old fashioned methods.

I started potty training my son at 2 years and 8 months (to coincide with summer). We had 2 days of hell (we stayed in as I didn't want to carry a potty around everywhere!) and on Day 3 he suddenly just go it! I discovered he didn't really like the potty and preferred sitting on a toilet. Since then he has had very few accidents - probably just a handful. He knows when he needs a wee /poo and will tell me straight away, but is able to hold it until we reach a toilet. At first I used to put a nappy on him at night, but they were always dry in the morning, so I changed to pants after about 3 weeks and he hasn't once wet the bed. The initial 2 days cooped up were very tedious, but the relief when he had cracked it was immense! His nursery were also brilliant and very supportive. Good luck, OP!

Mine were potty trained at 3, I say trained but I waited until they were really ready for it, so I hardly did any "training" at all! The transition was very smooth, unlike my SIL who tried at 16 months without any luck, and spent most of her time chasing them with a potty! It was ridiculous to watch, they were so not ready or remotely interested...she gave up until they were well over 2.5.

P.S. My son loved the Pirate Pete Potty book and sticker book - it worked a treat!

I don't think you should stress about it, each child is different. All mine were potty trained before 2 years old but only really because they had to be dry to go to nursery. I don't think it's at all unusual though for a child to still be in nappies when they reach 3. Over 3 I think I'd be digging deep and putting in some extra effort, trying different techniques. But end of the day if they take a bit longer than little Fred down the road it's really not a big deal.

Ohmy - actually quite common in many parts of the world I'd imagine, it's about being about to read the signs and being able to act. Not easy but it most definitely can be done. Don't 'rubbish' it just because you've not seen it/done it yourself. Both my grandmother and my MIL had their kids 'trained' at that age but it was as much about training the kids as it was training 'themselves' to know their kids if that makes sense.

I'm not totally sure DS1 is totally potty trained and he's 30 this year:-!😅

Surely we should be taking local news article comments with a pinch of salt? Some of ours are outrageous

I don't have kids yet but DN was by two because she ran up to me at her second birthday and shouted fash fash need a poo!!! I think kids are different but some nurseries have a no nappy rule. Surely the violence in that case was the bigger issue

My now 9 year old was meant to be toilet trained for starting nursery a few weeks after turning 3. She wasn’t. They didn’t allow nappies and said she’d soon follow the crowd. She didn’t. She held in til she was collected at lunch time or had an accident (usually the week returning from half term). They even tried to force her into a loo but she had a meltdown. She wouldn’t go near the loo at home and would hold on all day if we didn’t give her a nappy after nursery finished at 12pm. She became phobic of toilets. When she went into reception after just turning 4 she still wouldn’t entertain the toilet and became expert at holding on from 7am until she put on her bed time nappy. We decided to ditch bedtime nappies so there wasn’t anything to hold on to and eventually she started using the toilet at home. She never wet the bed!! She was still phobic at school. She became unable to hold on by year 1 as her bladder was over active and just wet/soiled herself rather than go to the school toilet. This caused water infections. Lots of interventions by psychologists, counsellors, occupational therapists, continence nurses and at 9 she still won’t use school toilets and has to wear a pull up during school for health and safety. She’s fine at home. Psychologists can’t help. Younger sister toilet trained herself one day when she 2 and a bit. She decided and after a week in Terry towelling knickers she was fine and has been ever since. The difference was it was her choice and no one else’s. I’m convinced the issues with the eldest are down to her being forced when she wasn’t ready.

No 2 year old should be forced into being toilet trained. Ideally they should be trained for starting school age 4, but I believe pressure before that results in issues. Parents should keep trying on order to aim for being dry for starting school as I’m aware as a teacher some jist don’t bother and expect school to sort it. We were accused of this but it wasn’t the lack of trying.

The things is that in developing countries where they do not have piles of disposable nappies then babies are potty-trained pretty quickly! In this country we have the luxury (usually) of giving children the space to take their time and to be comfortable if they are not potty-trained but the evidence from other countries shows that babies are able to learn to use a potty much earlier than is assumed here. I don't feel it's a problem - do what is right for your baby - but if people do potty-train their children earlier then please don't tell them they are wrong/abusive/mistaken/lying.

@NambiBambi I don’t think anyone has said that those doing it early are wrong/abusive etc. It’s the people who can’t do it early who get a lot of criticism. Most parents do start trying around 18m/2years onwards and some succeed and that’s great. What’s probably not the best idea is to keep forcing it on the child and punishing them for not getting it when the parent wants it done. If the child doesn’t take to it that early then leave it a few months and try again. You’re right that all children differ in their milestones and no one should be criticised unless they’ve got to age 4 and their child is starting school and they haven’t actually tried at all. Many of the developing countries are warmer climates and they allow babies to walk around naked and wee anywhere. A neighbour a long time ago did this with her child over summer. She played out without bottoms on as the weather was rather pleasant. No washing loads of pairs of knickers, stayed home in the garden, placed potties all over. Unfortunately in developed countries we are busy people who take kids all over where it’s not socially acceptable to just wee somewhere and going nappyless can be quite stressful.

One thing I can say about potty training is that I'm so glad it's over and I won't have to worry about it again. I hate how competitive mums can get about it. Your child was dry at 18 months? So what? They all get there eventually.

Kids need to be potty trained for nursery? Surely nurseries take small babies?

The majority do get there eventually. Just another thing that some parents are weirdly competitive about which, in reality means very little. In time you'll barely remember how old they were.

Some people are twats about potty training. It's really never down to the excellent parenting skills and more down to when the little blighters decide they want to do it.
I have 3 DC, dc1 was just over 3, Dc2 was 2.5 and dc3 has only just cracked it this week at 3.5. They all did it when they were ready and not a moment before.
Competitive parenting is tiresome.

Do you remember having your arse wiped at nursery?

No, not really....I was 3 and it was 45 years ago and my brain was filled with more exciting things like The Banana Splits and Pink Panther bars. However, my mum (who worked in the nursery - early 70s) does remember lots of puddles, accidents and the plastic pants worn by some children who hadn't quite got the hang of it all!

Also I do have memories of the vast 'knicker cupboard' of my infant school. Kids have always had accidents and some will always have needed support in toileting (we may have dealt with it differently at different times though)

My children didn't have to be potty trained for nursery...it might have been the case years ago but not now.

My dd had her 2 yr check today and the woman seemed horrified that she’s still in nappies. She looked at me as if I’d just told her that I also prefer nappies when I said I thought I was meant to wait for the signs of readiness I’d read in the NHS advice, then gave me a leaflet with that advice in.

I’m not really sure what the best approach is with my daughter, and I would actually like some advice, but I was so baffled by this woman’s whole approach I didn’t feel I would get anywhere.

Little ones will do it when they are ready, it’s awful to criticize a child or parent on this! Every child and circumstance is different. Fancy nappies that stop a child feeling wet can slow things down, but for nursery are often much easier and better for the bub. Plus if it’s a battle to unreasonable levels, they just aren’t ready, they’ll do it when they are! Nothing to worry about. Mine was trained at one, cloth nappies I’d seen do the trick in other countries where kids are even younger, my nephew is currently outsmarting everyone at three by pretending to try but playing games! Nursery though which is good for him and he’s starting to do it of his own choice now, so it’s all good. Every child is different and they all get there, definitely not a competition

if people do potty-train their children earlier then please don't tell them they are wrong/abusive/mistaken/lying.
Thank you NambiBambi. I don’t see why people on an anonymous forum would lie about timings.

Oblada, when you say train themselves as much as their kids at a young age it's sounds much more like toilet timing and not the child being are of when they need to use a toilet. I could have spent 2 yeas timing when my child needed the toilet and sitting them appropriately but what does that teach the child? Nothing. You carnt teach bladder and bowel control, that developers at different times for each individual child. Untill a child can consistently feel the urge to go and actively use a toilet or potty independently they are not trained. Thankgod I waited until my son actually was ready, he has one accident in total so no monypths of puddles, no making him sit, no putting him thro stress and no actual training as such. To point out the kids who where supposedly trained a year earlier by toilet timing where still having accidents months after must son was completely dry.