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Original poster

To be surprised at "at 2 he should be potty trained"

175 replies

Anxiousally · 02/05/2018 15:06

Read an article in my local news paper a few days ago about a little boy who had been expelled from nursery untill his behaviour improves due to him being violent.
In the story his gran had given the paper a statement saying they felt it was unfair on him as he's only 2, he's still practically a baby he's not even toilet trained.
The paper posted the link to the story on their Facebook page and there were a lot of comments slating the family for complaining about the way the nursery had dealt with this child and then someone copied the part of the story where it mentioned about the toilet training and said "at 2 he bloody should be toilet trained and I was shocked. DS will be 2 next month and I'm not even contemplating potty training as I know he's just not ready yet.
Aibu to be surprised at this opinion, now I'm thinking DS should be trying now and worried he's behind?!

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 02/05/2018 15:58

Most children can be potty trained at some point during their second year. In the UK children cannot be excluded from nursery/preschool/school for not being teained precisely because of the high prevalence of medical conditions/disabilities amongst those who cannot. Lots of parents choose to wait until age 3 to train as this makes the process quicker.

getoutofthebath · 02/05/2018 15:58

Threads like this make me want to cry. My 3.5yo isn't potty trained. We had him in trainer pants for three weeks so he could feel wetness, made no difference. He has never told us when he needs to go. Never told us after the fact. He still refuses to go near a toilet or a potty. He won't accept bribes. We decorated a loo seat and a potty with Bing stickers. We read books about using the potty. He has ASD and speech delay but is capable of making his other needs known; he just cannot, will not, use a potty or the loo.

I've tried everything, done nothing wrong. Nothing worked. So have decided to shelve it until the summer.

So by all means carry on about how he should've been potty trained for 18 months already but know that you are making some parents feel like absolute shit.

FlyingElbows · 02/05/2018 16:01

The quickest way to avoid numerous accidents, wet beds and never ending pissy washing is simply to wait until the child is ready. What age tgat is will be different for each individual child. Sadly it's just yet another thing for parents to compete over.

Smeddum · 02/05/2018 16:02

@getoutofthebath I hear you. DS2 (hes autistic and has other SN) is 4 next week and only 2 weeks ago was able to recognise he needed to use the potty.

Don’t be disheartened, not many people are this dickish in RL.

CurcubitaPepo · 02/05/2018 16:04

One of my sons attended an enuresis clinic and the nurse there said that disposable nappies were responsible for pushing back the age of potty training as they didn’t allow the child to feel wet.

I would imagine though that there are very few children around who are fully dry in the day by their second birthday.

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/05/2018 16:06

DD was 2.5 and was dry day and night apart from one accident on the 2nd day

Ds was 4 and it was a few weeks before he started school until he got it.

Fatted · 02/05/2018 16:06

Last time I checked they weren't handing out medals for potty training at 2. I didn't train either of mine until they were almost 3. Neither of them were ready before them and like others have said there's no point trying when they're not ready cos you're just making a load of stinky washing for yourself.

OP if you are having a new born soon and eldest is 2, that's a similar age gap to my boys and trust me it's not worth even considering until eldest is 2.5!

Mia1415 · 02/05/2018 16:08

@RomeoBunny - I’m interested in what you think my DSs nursery and I should have done differently then. He was nearly 4. Probably 3.5 when we started. No development issues, he just wouldn’t use the potty or toilet and didn’t care about feeling wet.

Chewbecca · 02/05/2018 16:08

I would guess it was an older person who made the comment because it WAS normal to be potty trained by 2 in the past, mainly due to he washing involved with cloth nappies. You're judging them by today's norms.

x2boys · 02/05/2018 16:09

I remember an awful lot of kids having accidents Romeo well into reception and I'm 44.Hmm

AmazingPostVoices · 02/05/2018 16:10

The other thing to remember is that there’s “toilet trained” and then there’s “toilet trained”.

A woman I know swears her DD was trained at 20 months. What she actually meant was that she was “catching” her and sticking her on the toilet.

That’s not the same as a child independently saying “I need Mummy” or wandering off to the loo on their own.

The “toilet trained at 20 months” child was still having regular accidents at nearly 4.

In the end most NT children get the hang of it soon or later. Some kids are later.

Please don’t worry about it too much, it’s not a competition. 2years or 3.5years doesn’t really matter.

Mightymucks · 02/05/2018 16:14

Sorry OP, didn’t mean it was your child in the story.

AppleKatie · 02/05/2018 16:15

My DS trained when he asked to start training at about 2years 7 months. I would have waited another couple of months before trying. He still has an accident every few days or so a year later.

I’m not sure why any two year old MUST be trained? What’s the benefit?

My DS won’t go to school nursery until he’s almost 4 because of where his birthday falls so he’ll have been trained almost a year and a half before he goes. And frankly, it’s 3 hours long so if he wasn’t he’d have been ok in a pull up as long as he didn’t choose that moment for a poo! People are mad about this issue- it’s not a moral one!

jannier · 02/05/2018 16:16

RomeoBunny...............most babies pre disposables were taught to wee on demand like a Pavlov dog with methods like feeding on potty and wee catching as well as sitting them every10 minutes. because mums had too much washing not because the child was ready. they also spent hours in prams up to the age of 2 and beyond. if you wait until the child is ready they can be dry in a day and often at night too, If you push it often you get loads of accidents retained pooh and constipation issues....probably why loads of us were fed syrup of figs as kids. No legitimate current advice advocates early training as methods like this encourage over active bladders and anxiety.

SickofThomasTheTank · 02/05/2018 16:18

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crunchymint · 02/05/2018 16:20

Do what you want OP.
The average age for potty training kids has went up in this country. But it depends if it is something you want to tackle at the moment or not. So not too early to try potty training no. But if you leave it, you will be in the majority.

vitara · 02/05/2018 16:22

@getoutofthebath

But no one is talking about children with additional needs.

I understand it might be upsetting but that doesn't mean people can't talk about typical milestones on an internet parenting forum in case you don't like it.

SickofThomasTheTank · 02/05/2018 16:22

Romeo has been reported

crunchymint · 02/05/2018 16:23

jannier I think there are pros and cons. Sometimes leaving it as you say can make potty training quick. But some kids as they age get more into saying no and it can be harder. So i would say it depends.

And I helped to potty train 2 year olds and they did not wee like a pavlova dog. And by 3 were going to the toilet themselves. But that was expected then before they went to nursery.

CecilyP · 02/05/2018 16:24

DS will be 2 next month and I'm not even contemplating potty training as I know he's just not ready yet.

The thing is that toddlers are aged 2 for a whole 12 months and an awful lot of development takes place within those months. So, while remarkably few are potty trained by their 2nd birthday, most are by the time they are 2 and 364 days! Of course there are outliers in either direction. I think your plan to wait till 2.5 ish is a wise one!

Smeddum · 02/05/2018 16:25

@vitara actually the most judgemental parents haven’t specified what they’re talking about. They’re too busy judging.

crunchymint · 02/05/2018 16:25

Also syrup of figs used to be given to kids of all ages and some adults. It was nothing to do with potty training. Simply that the Victorians thought going regularly was crucial to health.

Pressuredrip · 02/05/2018 16:28

Before disposable nappies toddlers were clean and dry by 18 months. In countries where they don't use many disposables this is still the case. Average potty training changed to 2 and then 2 and a half and then 3 and more and more I see people saying they didn't even try until 3.5. I think SEN aside its lazy. Potty training should take a week to a month as well not a year. If it's taking a year you are confusing them with disposable pull ups etc. Children's development is at the mercy of disposable nappy companies making more and more money. Potty training 'readiness' is an idea totally pushed by Pampers.

vitara · 02/05/2018 16:30

@Smeddum

So, you agree it's ridiculous to take offense then.

Good

BlueSapp · 02/05/2018 16:30

RomeoBunny It actually is rubbish because I went to nursery when I was 3 as have all of my dc's and even then only three days a week for two hours a day, and I used the toilet when there when I was 3.5 because I actually started after Christmas in the year I was 3 (September) birthday, and then full time from the September after that to fall in with the way I would start school