To be surprised at "at 2 he should be potty trained"

[Anxiousally]

Read an article in my local news paper a few days ago about a little boy who had been expelled from nursery untill his behaviour improves due to him being violent.
In the story his gran had given the paper a statement saying they felt it was unfair on him as he's only 2, he's still practically a baby he's not even toilet trained.
The paper posted the link to the story on their Facebook page and there were a lot of comments slating the family for complaining about the way the nursery had dealt with this child and then someone copied the part of the story where it mentioned about the toilet training and said "at 2 he bloody should be toilet trained and I was shocked. DS will be 2 next month and I'm not even contemplating potty training as I know he's just not ready yet.
Aibu to be surprised at this opinion, now I'm thinking DS should be trying now and worried he's behind?!

There is nothing wrong with only doing toilet training at 3yrs old however the reality is that babies used to be toilet trained much much younger before the advent of disposable nappies. My grandma had her kids toilet trained at 1year old and so did my MIL (India). So it can definitely be done. We choose to delay it nowadays because of convenience/working away from home/disposable nappies making toilet training harder and nappy use easier. My first 2 were in washable nappies and toilet trained around 2yrs old.

It's ridiculous to boast about your DC being clean and dry by 2 years old. It doesn't mean they're extra bright or that you're a 'perfect parent'.

I potty trained my DD1 at 2 because she wanted to use the potty then. But she regressed when DD2 came to live with us. She was nearly 4 then, and after that we had real problems, especially with her soiling herself. This went on until she was 6 years old.

We took her for an appointment at our GP surgery, we were about to go on holiday and I just didn't know how we would cope with her soiling herself constantly. The GP prescribed her a laxative, because she had bad constipation. We then had to train her to sit on the toilet for a few minutes after meals, because she used to get up before she'd finished.

There was a little regression when she came off the laxative, but that was short lived, and then she never looked back.

We left it later with DD2, at nearly 3, and she got the hang of it very well. It took her longer to be dry at night, but she hasn't wet the bed since she was 3 and a half.

They all get there in the end.

My ds is 3 next month and he isnt potty trained yet but we are trying it he will sit on the potty or the toilet so we are going in the right direction. He doesnt seem to have the sensation of needing a pee yet. My gm called me a lazy mum last night as he isnt trained yet which annoyed me as im not a lazy mum by any means. I just dont want to push ds into it before hes ready it wont benefit either of us

My son announced a week before his third birthday that he wanted to wear pants, he had one accident on the first day and that was it, no actual training needed. His little friends who where supposedly trained a year earlier where still having multiple accidents every week untill mch older. Their parents spent well over a year encouraging them to sit on a potty, wiping up puddles and worse and trying to time bladder and bladder movements. Waste of time as they where obviously not ready

When ds2 started nursery he was still in pull ups and he was 3. Finally cracked it when he was 4. This was a school nursery by the way.

ds1 was potty trained at 2 so the issue didn't cross my mind when he started nursery. ds3 is 3 and is potty trained and starts in September so again no need to worry.
All children are different and it's nothing to do with "lazy parenting". Ds2 just needed more time.

Like walking and talking, being toilet ready is a developmental milestone which children reach at different times. It should not be used as an example of good parenting, with the best will in the world, if the child is not toilet ready, than no amount of training will work. My ds 6 who has a developmental delay of about 1 year, and speech and language delay, cracked it 4 and a half, after a year of me trying to train him. Now you would never know when you see him amongst his peers, suprisingly though, he was dry and clan at night soon after on his own accord.

It should not be used as an example of good parenting, with the best will in the world, if the child is not toilet ready, than no amount of training will work

This!

I was once called a lazy parent when ds2 was almost 4 and not potty trained. And then she said "Bet you're on benefits as well"
Judgemental and chip on shoulder to boot!

I used to have a (non Brit) neighbour who enjoyed telling me everything I was doing wrong with dd1. Among other things I should have started potty training at 12 months!

At the time - decades ago now - I had read that they weren't physiologically ready till 2, so I started both of mind shortly after 2. And barring nights and the odd accident, it took a week both times.

Maybe they were ready earlier than most. Dd didn't even try with Gdd until she was coming up to 3. People do seem to leave it later now - maybe it's something to do with hardly anyone needing to wash/dry nappies any more - almost certainly a factor in the past.

Neighbour's child (same age as mine) was clean/dry no sooner than mine, so she spent 12 months cleaning up accidents and trying to get wee-smell out of the carpet.

"My grandma had her kids toilet trained at 1year old and so did my MIL (India)."

Now we know more about development and the importance of emotional wellbeing, eighteen months is the youngest recommended. Before that and it can be physically and emotionally damaging.

Many Old Women will talk about potty training. But it involved a child sitting on the potty for long periods and getting their legs smacked/shouted at, if they tried to get off.

I'm 50 and can remember a lit more kids weeing in the gutter and soiling themselves, than we would be happy with today.

Mine were done the Easter after their second Birthday. All Winter born, just so I didn't have the school run to do for my eldest. There were toilets everywhere, though.

My GD isn't quite ready at three, she has to take Movacol, though.

My opinion is that no-one includes when they were toilet trained on their CV, so as long as it isn't being done out of laziness of the Parent it doesn't matter.

I thought that the Family in the article needed SS involvement. He was a very disturbed child and they were allowing him to attack his baby Sister.

This stuff is so dependant on the child. Yes people did used to potty train earlier. Children are more comfortable now as disposables are so convenient and wick the wet away so well. So I guess the need to potty train isn’t there like it used to be.

But having potty trained DS1 I honestly believe it’s an organic process that’s very much controlled by the child. Ie you can force it and deal with the constant mess, of you can keep introducing the concept and when the child is ready they will adopt it.

DS1 was clean wee wise by three but my god the poos were difficult to crack. I had to fight so hard to get that child to poo in a toilet but we got there in the end 😬

DS2 is just two and much more receptive to the potty so I suspect he’ll be using it by the end of the year.

Every child is different, I think. You have to know your own child and what they are ready to do.

Purely personally, I wish we'd done it at 2. At 2, DD was telling us when she'd done a poo/wee and asking to be changed. We wanted to wait a couple of months as we were moving and there were hard floors in the new place plus we didn't think wee-stained carpets would sell the old one!!

Now we have a 2.5 year old who has suddenly developed an inexplicable attachment to her nappies and doesn't want to use the toilet. Sigh. We've progressed as far as sitting on the potty/peppa pig toilet seat without hysterics, but she still says over and over that she wants a nappy. Argh.

2 is surely the perfect age for potty training? Most kids wouldn't be ready before their 2nd birthday. Equally most would be potty trained by their 3rd birthday.

When my dd was little I worked full-time and she was at a day nursery in the mornings and with my dm in the afternoons. My dm tried to potty train dd from about 20 months, nursery didn't. It was all extremely stressful with charts, rewards, dm complaining about nursery, nursery saying she wasn't ready etc and dd getting hysterical at the sight of a potty. I put my foot down with dm and backed nursery. At 2.5 yrs, dd moved up to the pre-school group at nursery and I don't know what they did but she was dry completely within 5 days with no accidents. She skipped using the potty and went straight to using toilet - I can take no credit whatsoever for her training.

Dgs1 was interested in using the toilet at about 2.5 years but unfortunately the first time he said he wanted to wee dd picked him up to put him on the toilet, slipped somehow and he half fell into the toilet bowl. It really upset him and he refused to even sit on the toilet or potty for months. One day a few days before he was 3 he did sit on the toilet and managed a wee and was praised so much he dida further 5 (very small) wees within half an hour. He had a very few accidents but was dry when he started nursery school aged 3 and 2 weeks. Pooing was another matter and he used to wait until he was wearing a pull-up at night as he hated the sounds it made on the toilet. This took a further 2 or 3 months of patience but it was sorted in the end. DG2 is just 1 so we've got to do it all again, hopefully he will be one of those that wants to copy his big brother.

As many pp have said OP, each child is different - so do what suits your child and works best for you.

My grandparents insisted that at one I should be potty trained

They did manage to do it though. That said I was a bit advanced speaking and generally really pliant. No way in hell my children would have been potty trained by the age of 2.

I made the decision not to rush into potty training with DD2, because it had been so stressful with DD1. She used to shout 'wee wee' at the most inconvenient times, and I always had to make sure we were near toilets when we were out. I also had to always carry a potty as it was some time before she was able to use a toilet.

I didn't have to do any of that with DD2, I used to just have a potty in the car just in case. The only difficulty was that she didn't like to ask to go to the toilet, because she shy with other adults. It was all right at the school nursery because she could just go. But she also went to a playgroup 2 mornings a week, and there she had to ask. So I had to put her in pull ups when she went there, because they didn't like cleaning up after accidents.

I reluctantly potty-trained DS1 just after he turned 2, as my mum kept telling me that we were all set day and night by 18m. Although DS sort of got it, he had regular accidents for a long time. DS2 is nearly 2.10 and we are just thinking about it. At his two year check, the HV said boys are usually easier nearer to three.

YY re more kids weeing and pooing outside in the past. I was talking to my mum about this recently actually- I don't think it would be considered acceptable now for a kid to be going for a shit under some trees, but I remember it happening in the 80s.

I toilet trained DS at 2 and a half at the encouragement of his nursery. I did it over the 2 week Christmas holidays and he was fully daytime dry by the end of it, he still had nappies at night well past 3 though.

I've only read part of the thread.

I have a 22 month old and we haven't started potty training, but I am a bit puzzled by the assertion that washable nappies make it happen earlier, and that if we used them children would be clean and dry by 18 months. I do use washable nappies, and I know lots of other people who do. None of them have potty trained by 18 months!

the way people used to potty train was horrible, that’s why kids were younger!
I remember my sister potty training my niece and her getting a smack if she had an accident on the floor, no way would I ever do that to my kids!
My son is 5 next week, he wets himself daily and when he is due a poo he usually has dirty pants or sometimes does the whole poo in his pants. Its so frustrating but I only know how to get him to go to the toilet when he needs to go he is being assessed but even with a diagnosis I don’t think it will make a difference!
My youngest is 2.6 and he knows what the toilet is for and has sat on it a few times but still isn’t fully ready. I’m hoping he will pick it up soon!

I remember at nursery kids who wetted being shouted at. We were all 3 and 4, so in retrospect odds are at least a few of them weren't really ready. This was only in the late 80s, so not that long ago really, but I imagine they didn't allow kids who were in nappies. Amazing really when you look back at what was acceptable so recently.

DC1&2 were trained at 3 and DC3 was quicker to grasp everything so was trained at 2. However night time training was a different kettle of fish and they were all around four...

My eldest was 2yrs 3 months & my youngest 2yrs 6 months. They were telling me they had done wees in their nappy so I decided to train them. My second was also hiding when she did a poo so she knew when she needed to go.

Mine is 2.2m and still in nappies. We did try her on the potty but she didn't like it and just wanted to play with it/kept getting up and running around, would cry and moan/never did anything in it. So we've decided to leave it and try again a bit later.