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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed at DH for deleting all his messages/emails/anything constantly?

90 replies

TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 13:18

I've been with DH for nearly 2 years now and his constant wiping of messages/emails etc is so infuriating!

He says now he can’t keep anything on his devices because it makes him “itchy” knowing stuff is sitting there.

But his constant deletions have caused us to lose vital pieces of evidence (can’t go into too much detail as it will “Out” but also isn’t really relevant to the post) or just general important bits of information.

I’ve started asking him to forward me anything important (or thinks might be important) now to offer a solution to him deleting stuff.

Perhaps I am just being a data hoarder but I don’t think I am though as I do delete unimportant stuff too!

Anyway round this or do I just have to be keeper of messages/emails etc for him?

OP posts:
theunsure · 02/05/2018 14:17

I do this, well sort of.

I don't keep anythign in my inbox - it gets actioned then filed or archived/deleted. It makes no difference if it is work things or personal things. I do the same with texts/whatsapp/messenger etc.

I can't stand it all sitting there. Getting rid of it is pretty compulsive. My DH thinks it is weird.

I don't delete important things though, they get neatly filed in my very thorough filing system. I'm such a weirdo.

hubblebubbleworry · 02/05/2018 14:18

yes, can't stand clutter of any kind - i also have deleted useful information in the past. I hate it when friends text me meeting/party plans as they always end up in the bin if I didn't put it on my calendar. Can't stand an inbox with > 5 to do items in it.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:19

elderflowerandrose he is organised, I wouldn't say tidy. He doesn't tidy the house or have my level of cleanliness but he likes to know where his stuff is or anything that is his has to be in a proper place, his man shed is immaculate. He tends to sort out all the bills and house hold stuff though. I'll take your advice though and get him to start using my email for things.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:20

theunsure that isn't weird that is what I do! haha probably why I cant understand his casualness for deleting everything!

OP posts:
Coloursthatweremyjoy · 02/05/2018 14:23

I have a whole email filing system on both my accounts. If it's in my inbox it means I need to do something with it.

I delete all texts unless I need to do something with them. Like put a date on the calendar or remember something. Otherwise they are gone.

Shedmicehugh1 · 02/05/2018 14:24

I delete text messages, whatsapp, FB messages etc once I’ve replied! To stop me from replying to the wrong person and to free up space on my phone!

Emails I do keep important ones.

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 14:25

Yes definitely your email address for important documents.

I would sooner sell my children than cope with 80,000 odd emails, I would literally break out in a rash all over.

It is the feeling to put into context that every email requires some level of information or energy from you, and unless it is read and actioned all kinds of shit from every direction will come your way. It is a feeling that your life is out of control the more your inbox builds up the worse it gets. Quite unbearable honestly.

My dh emails stand at 2,680 odd and I can't even look at the number on the screen without feeling anxious for him. I yell how the hell do you not know something VERY VERY important isn't buried deep in there. He shrugs and says he will soon know about it if it was...but how? I still don't know the answer to this question. Maybe someone else can answer?

rutnoast · 02/05/2018 14:25

He sounds like an idiot tbh. Clearing your inbox and being organised is fine, blindly deleting everything without any thought as to whether you might need it later is not.

Don't be the keeper of his emails. Make him deal with all the problems he causes, on his own.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/05/2018 14:26

Dh and I can sign into each others emails. If you know there’s something important arriving, could you go on his and check/forward?

PersianCatLady · 02/05/2018 14:26

I always delete all of my e-mails from my inbox

Lovemusic33 · 02/05/2018 14:28

I screen shot anything important before deleting. I like my email inbox to be almost empty all the time.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:29

elderflowerandrose I think you might be suffering with something very different to my DH's issue. I'm not aware that it is quite like that for him as he just mindlessly deletes everything - he doesn't action or sort them. I, on the other hand, have to sort and action my emails which is why I get so freaked out by his deletions.

rutnoast his problems are my problems though! We are pretty tied up in stuff.

OP posts:
Xenia · 02/05/2018 14:29

I just deleted from October to 1 April (as I print out and file anything important or store it electronically under a directory on my computer relevantto that item). I think it's a good idea to do regular clear outs.

If something important comes in advance eg plane tickets he could email them to you on receipt and/or print them out.
I also delete every email from my phone too several times a day.

Katedotness1963 · 02/05/2018 14:30

I'm a deleter, my husband's a hoarder. It does my head in to see thousands of unread emails in his account. But I do put important stuff into the folders.

RidingWindhorses · 02/05/2018 14:30

I agree ^^

Do not be the keeper of his emails or be the tidier of the house.

He needs to get to grips with modern life, get himself some folders for info that needs to be retained and delete the rest.

GrimSqueaker · 02/05/2018 14:31

I didn't know that was how the archive function worked in gmail - my inbox is a mess, unashamedly so.

DH is the opposite and deletes EVERYTHING - his boss bloody reinforces this when they have periodic "who can have the cleanest inbox" competitions at work as well. He's always been like this so I'm not concerned he's hiding anything or anything like that... he just has inbox issues. Then he fucking signs MY email address up to anything that needs it - so HIS inbox stays empty (I just forward shit back to him as a pathetic attempt at retalliation!)

I need to sort out my emails but I've never really been bored enough.

RidingWindhorses · 02/05/2018 14:31

^^To rutnoast

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:32

Mummyoflittledragon I'll just keep getting him to forward it to me instead, I cant be dealing with signing in and out of his account! thank you though

PersianCatLady and Lovemusic33 so do I but I at least file away anything important. DH deletes everything, including anything in any recycling bins or archives

OP posts:
elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 14:32

He just deletes away happily without reading???

yes absolutely his problems definitely do become your problem if he isn't responding to anything.

Training session this saturday?

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:33

GrimSqueaker please sign him up to a load of newsletters haha

OP posts:
Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:36

elderflowerandrose yeah he rarely reads anything that gets sent in his emails! Sometimes he does obviously, but he doesn't think whether he needs to keep anything or if anything might be important! His texts etc he does read tbf. But he just deletes everything without giving any thought about it. I am trying hard to get him to remember to email me anything he thinks might be important but obviously that will take a while to become a habit

OP posts:
callymarch · 02/05/2018 14:37

well done Rhubarb, I dont feel so bad now with my 31,777 unread emails. goodness knows how many in total as i read the important ones but still dont delete them, never delete any texts either. so many times i need to refer back to something.

VanGoghsDog · 02/05/2018 14:49

I didn't even know you could delete What'sApp messages.

I leave everything, it drops off the system eventually.

Him deleting wouldn't annoy me as such, but him not having information would - so, he has to find a system that works for him.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 02/05/2018 14:49

I delete my emails.
Then I delete the deleted folder.
And I delete sent items.
DH just eyerolls when I have to ask him to resend something, or deleted something I need.
He files emails, and never deletes sent or deleted.

Twillow · 02/05/2018 14:49

Teach him how to use folders in his email - e.g BILLS, SOLICITOR etc
This has been a lifesaver for me in finding important stuff - and I really don't want any more paper in my life so I refuse to print out.