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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed at DH for deleting all his messages/emails/anything constantly?

90 replies

TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 13:18

I've been with DH for nearly 2 years now and his constant wiping of messages/emails etc is so infuriating!

He says now he can’t keep anything on his devices because it makes him “itchy” knowing stuff is sitting there.

But his constant deletions have caused us to lose vital pieces of evidence (can’t go into too much detail as it will “Out” but also isn’t really relevant to the post) or just general important bits of information.

I’ve started asking him to forward me anything important (or thinks might be important) now to offer a solution to him deleting stuff.

Perhaps I am just being a data hoarder but I don’t think I am though as I do delete unimportant stuff too!

Anyway round this or do I just have to be keeper of messages/emails etc for him?

OP posts:
Whenthereshope · 02/05/2018 13:27

I do this! I'm generally scatty and it helps me feel more in control. If I don't delete it feels like a million things are waiting for me to do. It just makes me feel really uneasy to not do it. We know we're scatty just like you know you're organised. We'd like to be more like you but we're not. We sometimes try but it's too ingrained. Its a twisted attempt to try and be organised. If it makes you feel any better, it's no fun to be this way, it's a pita

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 13:33

Whenthereshope but he is the organised one in the relationship not me!

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 02/05/2018 13:33

I do this too. I save important stuff separately but everything else gets deleted.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 13:39

Nikephorus that is fine, I wouldn't mind if he would save the important stuff separately! But he just always presses the "delete all" button without thinking

OP posts:
thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 02/05/2018 13:44

I am the same. Cannot stand having anything on my phone or in my inbox, it makes my brain feel cluttered. If it's important I move it into a folder otherwise it's gone forever.

adaline · 02/05/2018 13:45

I'm the same I'm afraid.

I delete everything ASAP. If it's needed I'll save it in a separate or print a hard copy off.

DP has thousands of unread emails and messages on his phone and it stresses me out. Read them or delete them!

TorviBrightspear · 02/05/2018 13:46

I do organise my emails, so I have folders for different types of info to keep. And my main inbox is nice and tidy (and short).

But I think YANBU, as "delete all" is rather extreme, especially if it means you lose vital info.

woolythoughts · 02/05/2018 13:49

I feel your pain. I never delete anything since I've too many times deleted something I thought was un important then wished I still had it.

That includes work and personal.

DH is a deleter - if it hangs around too long, it gets deleted. Makes me want to scream.

I keep trying to argue that its not like they take up a lot of space. With 13 TB of storage, a large inbox is not going to have any impact at all!

I've tried setting up sort and filters so he only sees unread ones however because he knows there are read ones there somewhere he goes hunting for them.

Short of shooting him or trading him for an upgraded version, I am at a loss.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 13:53

Need to really clarify here, he doesn't save anything at all anywhere unless I force him to send him stuff across where I then save it in my important email folder!

I can't stand a cluttered up inbox either so I delete my emails as they come in if they're not important.

But his texts and whatsapp stuff too? Seems a bit much! idk though I guess different minds etc.

woolythoughts haha did chuckle at trading him for an upgraded version

OP posts:
NorthEndGal · 02/05/2018 13:57

I can see needing to keep important emails, but why if the fuck would you keep texts and chats? That is pure digital clutter!

woolythoughts · 02/05/2018 13:58

I don't care about his texts and whats app - they're his but we both have access to each others emails, two household accounts and several for the business we run. They all come into separate inboxes within on the mail app we use but they are on both of our machines.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 13:59

NorthEndGal because I'm like "I told you over text" and he's like "oh I deleted that ages ago" or if I ask him "when did your mum say for us to get over and what does she want to bring?" And he's like "oh I can't remember and I deleted the text"

OP posts:
Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:02

I guess text and WhatsApp stuff aren't really that important usually.

Had to force him to keep hold of one text thread though because we had to use it as evidence potentially. Even now he still is banging on about deleting it but I think he should keep it just in case.

Just wanna get him to keep his important stuff though so I don't have to feel like I'm constantly asking for him to send anything new and important to me.

OP posts:
BuntyII · 02/05/2018 14:02

I have 20,238 unread emails. I don't think I've done a mass delete for about 10 years. Might take the big step soon though and get rid of it all.

Firesuit · 02/05/2018 14:07

You don't have to delete mails to have an empty inbox. You use gmail and you archive instead of delete. (I only delete when I'm 100% certain I'll never need to see the email again.)

I have an empty inbox, and at the same time every email I've received in the last 15 years is available via search.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:09

Firesuit he claims it isn't just the inbox that has to be clear for him. He even goes in and deletes anything archived or in a recycling bin

OP posts:
GorgonLondon · 02/05/2018 14:09

Completely off topic but you've been together two years and you're married already?

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:09

BuntyII oh my! Couldn't cope with that! haha

OP posts:
daffodildelight · 02/05/2018 14:09

I'm with your husband. I have to have an empty (or as empty as possible) inbox.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:14

GorgonLondon hahah its okay! Hope this isn't OUTing (probably should have NC for this) but actually getting married end of the months so technically isn't my DH just yet. And by 2 years together I mean, we have known each for two years. Yes I am aware we are doing it all unusually quick. We moved in together after 1 month of dating (again very OUTing reasons) and fell pregnant with DS a couple months later. Probably us being super naïve but we just feel like its so right (apart from him deleting important stuff haha!)

OP posts:
Firesuit · 02/05/2018 14:14

I expend no mental effort whatsoever deciding what to delete. Example of obvious things to delete are notifications of secure messages, requests for on-line feedback etc. As there's no cost (financial or mental) to keeping things, if it's not immediately 100% clear I will never want to see an email again, I will always archive rather than expend time deciding whether to delete.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 02/05/2018 14:14

daffodildelight what do you do with anything important?

OP posts:
RhubarbTea · 02/05/2018 14:15

I have 81,870 unread emails Grin

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 14:15

I am with your dh. I delete everything. If something is so important I will print and file it away (almost nothing ever is) I have never regretted being this way. The overload of emails and information makes me anxious and stressed.

Trust me, if he needs to do this it is for his mental health.

I would leave him to it, anything important give them your email address if you are worried.

Is he very tidy too?

elderflowerandrose · 02/05/2018 14:16

Rhbarbte 81870 unread emails would literally send me over the edge. Shoot me now!!!