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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that men never really cut the umbilical cord?

89 replies

TartanDr3ams · 02/05/2018 13:08

Im not doing a MIL slag off post before people think that..

I adore my DP.. most of the time we get on really well.

I adore my MIL.. most of the time we get on really well.

Like every couple, me and DP do have a little squabble now and then. And it is just that. We disagree on something,get in the huff with eachother, then later on make up and talk it out. That should be the end of it...were both adults.

But every single time we have a minor falling out he runs back to his mum and tells her an exaggerated version of events to make me look shit and him look a saint. He denies it..she gets distant and shitty with me but pretends she doesnt know and all is fine.. we make up and a day or so later shes fine with me again. I have spoken to him about it but he reckons its just cus its his mum and he doesnt want to look bad to her or her not know when hes annoyed..

Spoke to a few friends in real life and 4 out of 5 said their partners are the same. Im NOT jealous of how close he is to his mum and that she will always come first.. but at the same time she really doesnt need to be involved in every disagreement in our life...

OP posts:
Nomad86 · 02/05/2018 13:17

Nope, we never share our arguments with our parents. I'd to think of them still thinking badly of DH after we'd made up. And to be fair, his DM would take my side so he knows not to bother looking for sympathy.

sparklefarts · 02/05/2018 13:18

YABU to assume that most men are like this - I've never met one and frankly would find it unattractive.

YANBU to be annoyed with your husband. He's being a pleb.

sparklefarts · 02/05/2018 13:20

Your MIL is also being a pleb by not realising there's two sides to very story and that her son is playing his up

KirstenRaymonde · 02/05/2018 13:21

My DP doesn’t talk to his mum about our relationship at all, they have a really good relationship but he doesn’t tell her personal things.
Your issue is with your DP being a twat, not men in general.

nellly · 02/05/2018 13:22

This is weird! I don't do this neither does dp and neither did exh! In fact I deliberately moan only to my friends, or people of mumsnet because I don't want my mum or family recalling arguments long after the event or holding on to something I've left go

MillicentF · 02/05/2018 13:22

He absolutely shouldn't do this-it's not fair on anyone, including his mum. i actually don't know anyone who does this. Mine might talk to his mum if it was something enormous in our lives, but not for anything trivial. Incidentally, how do you know he tells her an exaggerated version?

ShaniaTwainAndTheRubyKitKat · 02/05/2018 13:22

You’re not the only one unfortunately op. They’re like the bitches of eastwick when they get together, my DH and his mum. He’s getting better but there have been times where I’ve had to put my bloody foot down and remind him he’s a 28 year old man with a family of his own, and running to her whenever shit hits the fan is not acceptable.

Haudyerwheesht · 02/05/2018 13:23

Dh has never done this

ShaniaTwainAndTheRubyKitKat · 02/05/2018 13:24

He was babied by his parents and I was the complete opposite, so it was a short sharp shock when I told him my expectations (and that I wouldn’t tolerate living in his families pockets). Tough shit I’m afraid.

Returnofthesmileybar · 02/05/2018 13:24

Nope neither my dh or myself do this, ever!

JessieMcJessie · 02/05/2018 13:24

Nope, it’s an issue with your specific man. My husband is close to his mother but would not do this.

ShaniaTwainAndTheRubyKitKat · 02/05/2018 13:25

she gets distant and shitty with me but pretends she doesnt know and all is fine

My MIL used to do this. It’s why I barely see her.

kaytee87 · 02/05/2018 13:27

My husband would never do this and if he did my mil would probably tell him it's none of her business.
I'm not sure how i would deal with your situation but it would annoy me.

Northernparent68 · 02/05/2018 13:31

Op, I do n’t think it’s helpful to generalise. Running to your parents as an adult is childish, do you think counselling would help him.

TooTrueToBeGood · 02/05/2018 13:33

Sorry, but your OH is an immature, disloyal, tell-tale-tit of an arse. Please don't tar us all with the same brush.

tinykirst · 02/05/2018 13:34

Thankfully my OH doesn't do this and never discusses our relationship with her. I wouldn't be able to stand it if he did! Luckily we don't ever really argue but even if/when we did I wouldn't want him discussing it with his mum for her to then feel involved!

Although .. I do like to have a whinge to my mum when he's irritated me ... but that's different, right? 😅

MrPan · 02/05/2018 13:36

I don't believe 4 out of 5 'friends' partners do this.
It's your dh's behaviour.

tradervictoria · 02/05/2018 13:39

I'd be looking for a grown-up to have a relationship with, not a child.

liz70 · 02/05/2018 13:39

I came on here to protest that actually, my DH did so with all three of our DDs, before I realised that I was taking the OP too literally. Blush

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 02/05/2018 13:43

Nope...my DH has never done this. Firstly, he too loyal to me. Secondly, she’d tell him to do one and probably take my side and thirdly, he’s 47 so it would be weird!

ppeatfruit · 02/05/2018 13:44

It's not every male at all, my dh was an only child with a suffocating but lovely mum, he NEVER ran to her. He wanted independence from her so he got it!

Our ds doesn't come to me (he's had a complicated personal life too). We talk sometimes but not hugely . I love my new dil and wouldn't gossip behind her back!

Chewbecca · 02/05/2018 13:45

My DH speaks to his mum at least every other day but doesn't do this.

FizzyGreenWater · 02/05/2018 13:46

But every single time we have a minor falling out he runs back to his mum and tells her an exaggerated version of events to make me look shit and him look a saint.

No. My DH doesn't do this.

Little snivelling boys might do it, but grown up men with their own families don't.

MillionWoo · 02/05/2018 13:46

Could be worse my XH used to run to MY parents telling tales when we split up.

Trinity66 · 02/05/2018 13:46

I really don't think most men do this tbh

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