To think that men never really cut the umbilical cord?

[TartanDr3ams]

Im not doing a MIL slag off post before people think that..

I adore my DP.. most of the time we get on really well.

I adore my MIL.. most of the time we get on really well.

Like every couple, me and DP do have a little squabble now and then. And it is just that. We disagree on something,get in the huff with eachother, then later on make up and talk it out. That should be the end of it...were both adults.

But every single time we have a minor falling out he runs back to his mum and tells her an exaggerated version of events to make me look shit and him look a saint. He denies it..she gets distant and shitty with me but pretends she doesnt know and all is fine.. we make up and a day or so later shes fine with me again. I have spoken to him about it but he reckons its just cus its his mum and he doesnt want to look bad to her or her not know when hes annoyed..

Spoke to a few friends in real life and 4 out of 5 said their partners are the same. Im NOT jealous of how close he is to his mum and that she will always come first.. but at the same time she really doesnt need to be involved in every disagreement in our life...

My dh didn’t want to cut the cord with either of our dc. Fair enough, I wouldn’t want to either 🤢

He certainly cut the cord with his own mother though, they aren’t close and he certainly doesn’t share relationship arguments, no matter how big.
Just like I don’t. I find it odd to be honest

I can’t speak about my MIL, she died many years before I met DP, as did FIL. But if we ever argue (rarely to be fair, he’s so laid back he’s impossible to argue with!!) we keep it between us. No whinging to family or friends, because that’s a bit childish imo.

This is extremely strange. My DH would never talk to his mother about our rows, the very thought?!

Admittedly we don't live close by and he probably only talks to her every couple of weeks.

I would never talk to my parents about our rows either.

(Man here). I don't recognise this at all - I'm generally very cagey about sharing with my parents personal things going on between me and my DW. The privacy of my marriage is a priority.

In fact, I may fall into a different male stereotype of being unable to share anything too emotional / personal with my Mum (except in very rare cases).

Im NOT jealous of how close he is to his mum and that she will always come first..

She shouldn't come first, it's not a competition. It's fine for him to be close to his mum, or whoever, but you are his wife and his loyalties should be with you first and foremost.

He's behaving like a child and needs to grow up and learn how to deal with relationships like an adult.

This would be such an unattractive quality. I think most men are actually NOT like this. Indeed I think most men would rather wallow in silence than go, firstly, gossiping to mum about anything and secondly about their partners.

Sorry - forgot to answer your OP -

YABU. Adult men do absolutely cut the umbilical cord.

Dh never did this with his mother and she died a long time ago - when he was in his mid 20’s.

Anecdotes are not data.

I don’t think DH would try this tbh. I would probably think it quite funny if he did though.

I thought boys grew up and had their own family and never thought of their mother again?

It’s girls who stay close to their mums.

Gender stereotypes, huh.

"Adult men do absolutely cut the umbilical cord."

Absolutely they do-and if they haven't they should. However, contrary to Mumsnet received wisdom, this does not mean ending their relationship with their mother's and families of origin. It does not mean that their "new little family" should always come first. Usually, but not always.

I often wonder about this too also when grown women run to their mothers about disagreements in a marriage.We have friends whose marriage basically failed because she told her parents about all the squabbles they were having and then the parents got massively involved. i have never told my parents anything even though there were occasions when I would have loved to have had a good old bitch about my husband to my mum.
A few years ago we were not getting on too well in our marriage and my husband confided in his parents.At the time I did notice my PILs who I previously got on really well with were acting really distant with me and even to our kids.Its only recently that I found out that my husband had been talking to them about our difficult situation.I must say I felt quite betrayed as I maintain that what goes on between us is only our business and he would not be getting and honest opinion because mums in general will always side with their kids whatever age.I am also of the opinion that our parents deserve not to have to share our worries unless absolutely necessary

I’ve never had a partner who talked to his mum about our relationship. I would find it a major turn off if they did.
Someone said to me once that a man will end up treating you as he treats his mother. I’ve found that generally true, and it had a hint of umbilical about it maybe.

I don't think this is a typical male thing at all. Its a personality thing.

Yeah sorry OP but I've never known anyone who does this. It's not normal.

I wish you wouldn't insult all men and all mothers of sons just because of your personal experience.

Rather than a man thing isn't it just a relationship thing? My own relationship with my DM, which is fine, isn't one in which I'd talk about issues in my marriage, whereas my DW is much closer to her DM and has the sort of relationship in which she definitely would confide in her if we fell out. I can hardly begrudge her that. We all need to let off steam and have someone to talk to.

Nope. My mil is more likely to take my side!

Erm, nope. I've never met a man like that, and none of my friends over the years have mentioned it either.

It's only been on MN that I've heard about men who haven't cut the apron strings.

I wish you wouldn't insult all men and all mothers of sons just because of your personal experience

This is fair enough, but I’m a mother of (toddler) sons who has also never had a mother in law/ mum of boyfriend that wasn’t a nosey and controlling person. So. We go by what we know don’t we I guess.

My DH doesn't do this and in the early days when we argued around MIL a little more, we were in our teens, she would usually take my side and tell him to behave better. Once when our DC were little we had a blazing row and she tore a strip of us both and told us to behave in front of DC.
So DH doesn't run to his mum and she certainly doesn't always take his side. Happily as we get older there are very few arguments so very little for anyone to comment on.

My DH never did this and neither do I.

I don’t know anyone who does that. It’s very immature and weird.

And his mother shouldn’t always come first. What a bizarre thing to think. He can’t help who he was born to. It’s great they’re close but you’re the woman he chose to be his wife. That should be respected.

Start expecting more of him!

Mine has never and would never do this. Besides the fact that he’s an adult and wouldn’t dream of telling tales on me to his mum, my lovely MIL would probably give him short shrift if he tried to involve her in our relationship.