To think that men never really cut the umbilical cord?

[TartanDr3ams]

Im not doing a MIL slag off post before people think that..

I adore my DP.. most of the time we get on really well.

I adore my MIL.. most of the time we get on really well.

Like every couple, me and DP do have a little squabble now and then. And it is just that. We disagree on something,get in the huff with eachother, then later on make up and talk it out. That should be the end of it...were both adults.

But every single time we have a minor falling out he runs back to his mum and tells her an exaggerated version of events to make me look shit and him look a saint. He denies it..she gets distant and shitty with me but pretends she doesnt know and all is fine.. we make up and a day or so later shes fine with me again. I have spoken to him about it but he reckons its just cus its his mum and he doesnt want to look bad to her or her not know when hes annoyed..

Spoke to a few friends in real life and 4 out of 5 said their partners are the same. Im NOT jealous of how close he is to his mum and that she will always come first.. but at the same time she really doesnt need to be involved in every disagreement in our life...

I think coming 'second best' is really unusual. Usually, if I can be so foolhardy as to generalise, I think it's the other way around. Parents always love their dcs more than the dcs love them back. People always love the partner they've fallen in love with more than they do their parents.

I look forward with interest to being disagreed with!

I talk to both my mum and MIL about all sorts, including our marriage.

MIL always sides with me and says she doesn't know how I put up with it. My mum always sides with DH and says she doesn't know how he puts up with me!

DH never talks to anyone about us but his mum would be the last person he would choose.

My teenage son talks to me about his relationship sometimes. We are close and the thought of his girlfriend resenting that makes me really sad.

I know far more women who run home to Mummy and Daddy.

In my own marriage I'm far more likely to talk to my Mum about relationship issues than DH is.

My teenage son talks to me about his relationship sometimes. We are close and the thought of his girlfriend resenting that makes me really sad.

A teenager just learning about relationships asking for advice is not quite the same thing as an adult man pulling his mother into the middle of every argument he has with his wife though Happy now is it?

My Dh has never done this, it’s not normal and it’s not most men. My sisters husband does this though, it’s weird and to me he just looks like a b*h instead of a man.

I think it’s embarrassing

Also you shouldn’t be second best.

*I will always come second best to his mum. I didnt realise this was a bad thing until i made this thread.. id just kind of accepted it i guess.

Spose this thread has opened my eyes a little*

Would you still come second if you got married and had children?
I can see a gf coming second best to a mother, but not a life partner.
It shouldn't be a competition though, if everyone treats everyone with respect then it would never be an issue.

You are heading for bigger problems if he always puts his mother before you.

My DH is loyal to his mum, but he would never put her before me. I wouldn’t stand for him gossiping about me to his mother. That is NOT on.

As a DIL and a potential (Very soon) MIL, I have always made it clear to all of my DS's x 3 that when they are in a relationship, the relationship comes first.

With my MIL, she tried to keep the apron strings but, again I made it clear that mine and DH's relationship was the priority. I never discuss my relationship with DM, and never will. I don't know about DH and his DM as we (DMIL and I) went NC at mutual consent about a year into our relationship, for reasons other than DH. But, my DC's did have a relationship with her, not as close as the other DGC's but enough that they knew her and were affectionate to her.

Nope. I'm closer to his mum than him.

My DH isn't like this at all

Its hard to share any arguments with partners with close front or family, while we may forgive them quite quickly. Others start forming an opinion that they are awful and don't forgive as easily.

Sounds like you've got a problem if he will always put his mother first OP. You just need to read some of the threads on here from OPs who are married/living with a manchild, where whatever his mother says, goes. It causes lots of problems and upset.

Sorry, OP. This isn't something all men do. My DH would never dream of running to his Mum telling tales about me and I would lose a lot of respect for him if he did. As for coming "second best", this would be a deal-breaker for me.