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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny issues- been off for 1.5 month

98 replies

Vanessatiger · 02/05/2018 08:00

This is a moral dilemma.

We have a lovely nanny who’s an older lady. Lately her adult daughter has been seriously ill and been in and out of hospital. Often she’d call us at short notice, like an hour before she’s due to start work and then been off for the entire week.
This has been going on since March.

Although I do sympathise with her situation, I’m thinking of hiring a new nanny this month as my current nanny can’t tell me when she’ll be back to work. Last week she showed up one day and said her daughter is now better. So I held off hiring a new person, but this week she said the daughter is in hospital again.

Obviously it hinders a lot of things that I want to do during the day (like going to my classes)

I’m still paying her 100% but I’m not thinking perhaps in May I’ll follow the labour law and only pay her partially. But she’s hard up on money as a single mum but I feel I’m not a charity either. Besides she has her mother who lives with them taking care of her daily cooking needs and she has 2 other adult children who could take time off to care for their sister.

AIBU to not pay her 100% in May but say 75% because I need to fill her position too with a temporary nanny who costs much more as I’m paying by the hour.

Am I a bitch for replacing her by June if she isn’t coming back?

Not in the UK

Thanks all

OP posts:
Original poster
Vanessatiger · 02/05/2018 08:03

She has a 19 yr old son whom she supports through university.

OP posts:
ShinyShooney · 02/05/2018 08:05

I think she is taking the piss. Full pay for 6 weeks! I wouldn't even get that if my daughter died let alone as compassionate leave for a sick person.

ellaV · 02/05/2018 08:06

Not unreasonable. I can just imagine her mum or daughter asking her about her work, and her replying "it's alright, she will just have to take days off to look after her own kids". Sorry, but I think it's true.
Pay as little as you can by law, and look for a new reliable nanny. You have your family to consider.

PurpleWithRed · 02/05/2018 08:08

You are treating her as your personal charity, not an employee. I assume you're not working yourself otherwise you'd have fired her ages ago (or been fired yourself).

Original poster
Vanessatiger · 02/05/2018 08:08

Thank you feels better to hear that.

OP posts:
Thirtyrock39 · 02/05/2018 08:10

There must be guidance re compassionate leave for nannies? 6 weeks seems ridiculous

Original poster
Vanessatiger · 02/05/2018 08:10

I’m not working, I’m taking courses which could be quite flexible but it’s annoying when I’ve planned to do something and she just calls an hour ahead to let me know then not show up at all for the entire week or two. From 16 April up until today 2 May she’s worked 1 day.

OP posts:
TeisanLap · 02/05/2018 08:11

Op, which part of the world are you in and where is the nanny from. It will explain a lot about her expectations and how she sees you.

Dulra · 02/05/2018 08:12

Difficult one you have been very reasonable paying her up to now but as she is currently unreliable (I know not her making) it does mean that you need to replace her temporarily until she can return to work. You say you are not in UK but what are the laws where you are with regards compassionate leave. If she was in any other contracted position she would not have got as much paid time off as you have described and she would by now be on unpaid compassionate leave so I am not sure you really need to pay her half the time but I understand that you are aware of her personal circumstances and don't want to add money worries to her problems.

I would sit down with her and explain that you need to get someone in to replace her temporarily and you can only pay her X amount from now on. As I said most wouldn't be paying her at all so I think you have been really supportive and understanding. Is there state benefit she could claim while off work?

LifeBeginsAtGin · 02/05/2018 08:13

She is an employee and has responsibilities to her employer - like the rest of us.

Call her in for a review of the situation. What is she currently off with - sick leave (in which case she needs a sick note), annual leave?????

If she doesn't return or gives little or no indication of when she'll be back terminate her employment. You've been generous enough.

hibbledibble · 02/05/2018 08:14

Do you have a payroll company? They may offer you free legal advice.

I wouldn't continue to pay her, you have already been very generous.

Nan0second · 02/05/2018 08:16

What does your contract say?
I would pay what your legal requirement is.
I have a feeling you don’t have a contract, which means you could sack her but don’t get into this position again.

Dvg · 02/05/2018 08:17

I would let her go definitely

Original poster
Vanessatiger · 02/05/2018 08:19

Thank you all. Because my son loves her and vice versa I’ve been quite soft on her.
She has been very unreliable lately and put me in situations several times because of no show.

The labour law is quite lax here and I could easily ignore it but chose to be generous instead and there’s no state benefit to speak of (or very little to claim, think $100 per month or so).

I don’t want to add to her money worries but I’m at my tether with her. Today got another phone call to say she can’t come with will send her adult daughter to collect her Weekly salary! Bahhhh...

OP posts:
FleeceDetective · 02/05/2018 08:20

Is she providing you with doctors papers to be off? Compassionate leave in the uk is something like three days. Really speaking she isn't unwell herself, then not showing up to work is unauthorised absence.

Jamiefraserskilt · 02/05/2018 08:20

If she has used up her annual leave allowance, it is unpaid. If there is no doctors note for her. You need to sit down and explain the issue and tell her whilst you sympathise with her situation is not sustainable. Either it becomes not paid and you get another one in or you part ways. I think mum is taking the strain here because you have been flexible. It is now time for the rest of her family to shape up. You would not be able to run a business like this so ask her what she thinks you should do whilst having a strong idea what will happen next. She may come to the same conclusion.

Original poster
Vanessatiger · 02/05/2018 08:20

No contract
Cash in hand
Relying on honour and integrity

Think similar country to Guatemala and the like..

OP posts:
Melliegrantfirstlady · 02/05/2018 08:21

I would sack her if you legally can. I did not think it was ok to receive full pay if your child was sick.

Original poster
Vanessatiger · 02/05/2018 08:23

Yes she used up her annual leave allowance. Christmas she got two weeks off already. Then now march to may ~ 6-7 weeks off.

OP posts:
Queenofthestress · 02/05/2018 08:23

Just pay her half pay if you want to be generous, when her daughter comes in to collect just say that you needed to speak to her when she came in, so she'll have to come in for a review. Like every other bugger would in the world, she has other people to care for her daughter, she wouldn't get half as much on a different job, she's taking you for a mug

Vangoghsear · 02/05/2018 08:24

It depends on what was agreed at the start verbally or in writing and the legal position in your country of residence. In your position I would terminate her employment on the grounds of non-attendance. In UK it is not normal to be paid for time off for adult relative's illness beyond a few days, so you have been generous.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2018 08:27

I'd get rid of her.

NoFucksImAQueen · 02/05/2018 08:27

Today got another phone call to say she can’t come with will send her adult daughter to collect her Weekly salary! Bahhhh...
She's taking the piss!

Original poster
Vanessatiger · 02/05/2018 08:28

Yes I could legally sack her. But it’s a moral dilemma given her family situation. But I feek relieved that the majority of the MNs don’t think I’m being unreasonable sacking her by June.

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 02/05/2018 08:29

I just don't get why she even needs the time off. Adult daughter in hospital = visit during visiting hours.