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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get rid of the cat

113 replies

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/04/2018 09:20

We got a cat 4 years ago, I mithered DH for ages and he finally gave in and got me one. She was about 1 when we got her and came from a house where the little girl (prob about 7yr) didn’t treat her great. When we went to visit the cat I saw the girl on a few times pull her tail, trap her in the corner etc.
Well fast forward 4 years and I’m really regretting getting her. She isn’t affectionate, well she might be for 5 mins but then turns and scratches and bites, my hands and arms are covered in marks from her.
The DCs don’t get any enjoyment from her as don’t trust her. She scratches all the furniture, have bought her posts etc but she isn’t interested.
She constantly brings birds, mice and frogs in the house (either dead or alive) and always seems to be getting fleas. The latter is more my fault as I’m prob not as on the ball at keeping her treated but it seems that if I’m a week or 2 late with her treatment she gets them straight away.
I feel awful thinking of getting rid of her but I’m so fed up with it all...

OP posts:

MrsPreston11 · 30/04/2018 09:22

Poor cat.

Sounds like she'd better off in a home with no kids and with an owner who can be bothered to do right by her

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/04/2018 09:25

How do you mean do right by her? I’m trying to do right, I’m not going to just chuck her out on the street...

OP posts:

obachan · 30/04/2018 09:25

'Cat behaves in cat-like manner'. What a shocker.

YABU for using 'get rid of' with regards to a living creature. What a crappy example to set your kids. I want a cat I want a cat oh this cat gives me no enjoyment so let's get rid.

ghostyslovesheets · 30/04/2018 09:25

yeah get rid of her - just like the previous owners - you might make a few quid on Gumtree selling her on

or you could treat her fleas properly, take her to the vets to check for any underlying issues causing her aggression, try Feliway, or accept she is not a cuddly cat

Failing that at least give her to a decent charity

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 30/04/2018 09:25

You do realise that the cat isn't their to give you affection don't you You chose to give the cat a home and now you want to get rid of her when all she is doing is being a cat.

Some helpful suggestions before you are rightly flamed.

Give the cat a collar with a bell on it (this will help limit the amount of birds she kills)
Try a plug in like Feliway the scratching and biting are likely because she is stressed out.
Accept she is not a play thing if she does not want affection, leave her be.
Treat her for fleas on a regular basis, its just common cat ownership 101!

mustbemad17 · 30/04/2018 09:25

No disrespect but you don't sound like you actually like the poor thing. Fleas are not her fault, if you know she is prone to them why on earth are you letting yourself be late in applying preventative???
The poor thing sounds so unhappy. The best thing probably would be to rehome her but if you do please do it properly...being passed from pillar to post would be soul destroying

MirriVan · 30/04/2018 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/04/2018 09:28

I would give her to a good charity, I would never sell her on to god knows who...
I’ve got her collars before but she always manages to get them off..
I’ve never heard of that Feliway but it’s soemtuing I will try.
I’m aware that she’s not a plaything, she comes to me, jumps on my knee and then once I start stroking her she turns..
Believe me, this is not a decision I would take lightly, I’ve never got rid of a pet before apart from a pony that we long grew out of and that broke my heart.

OP posts:

harriethoyle · 30/04/2018 09:29

YABVU. Get on top of her flea treatment, try feliway to calm her down, make her a space in the house she can escape to and stop trying to impose your idea of affection on her. And STOP treating her like a disposable commodity. It's appalling.

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/04/2018 09:30

I know it sound like I don’t like her but I genuinely love her to bits, I’m just so frustrated and don’t know what to do to get a happy household again. Maybe my judgement of having cats is clouded from the one I had years ago who wanted nothing but cuddles, never scratches anything etc

OP posts:

LionsTeeth · 30/04/2018 09:30

All of that behaviour is kind of what cats do... they are not there for your enjoyment, they are living creatures with minds and personalities of their own.
Keep on top of the flea treatment, her getting fleas is on you, not on her.
Agree with PP about getting a collar with a bell on it, but to be honest cats kill small prey and that is again just what they do.
As for being aggressive, I would take her to the vets to make sure there's nothing bothering her, then just slowly start spending more and more time with her. Sit on the floor with her, get some toys and play with her for half an hour every day. If she gets aggressive or tries to bite and scratch, give her some space and try again later.
Owning animals is really really hard but honestly, this is what you signed up for when you got her.

MirriVan · 30/04/2018 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/04/2018 09:32

For those that suggested Feliway, is this the sort of thing I’m looking for?

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0031TFZRK/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ref=plSrch&keywords=feliway&dpPl=1&dpID=51Z7RbyCu0L&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1525077093&sr=8-1

OP posts:

bigKiteFlying · 30/04/2018 09:33

jumps on my knee and then once I start stroking her she turns..

Have you checked with a vet there is no underlying reason like pain she might do this?

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 30/04/2018 09:33

I’ve never heard of that Feliway

This statement just shows you have not even begun to look at ways to help the cat, a 5 minute google search would have given you this advice.

As for the collars, well you buy another and another and another. Or you admit that you cannot be bothered to continue to spend money on them and consequently you clean up the animals she will bring you.

SlowDown76mph · 30/04/2018 09:34

You are responsible for ensuring the cat's health, including flea treatments. If you don't interact with her in an appropriate way then of course she isn't going to bond with you, and will find outlets for her natural drives and energy.

Try playing with her, and encourage the children to do so too. Use toys such as those that put distance between human skin and claws, like 'fishing rod' toys and lasers. Have a regular time, say evening, for focused play. Follow up play by putting toys away and giving a few suitable food treats by hand. This gives the cat resolution to the 'hunt' play and reinforces that you and the children are a source of positive interaction.

With regard to the scratching. Observe her closely. Think about the differences in surfaces that she prefers and when she tends to scratch.

MarthasGinYard · 30/04/2018 09:35

I'd 'get rid'

think you would be doing her a huge favour.

Please don't get another pet

MirriVan · 30/04/2018 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

britnay · 30/04/2018 09:37

Don't stroke her then. You need to follow her lead. If she wants to jump on your lap, fine, let her but don't touch her. If she starts nuzzling you then you could hold out your hand and gently stroke once or twice if she is enjoying it. Don't force it.

MirriVan · 30/04/2018 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Brazenhussy0 · 30/04/2018 09:38

Christ, this poor cat’s had a tough life so far hasn’t she?

Owning a cat:
Rule 1 – wait for cat to come to you and watch cat’s body language for when it’s had enough stroking. This will save you getting scratched quite so often.

Rule 2 – accept cat is not there to provide you with affection, it is a living creature with its own wants and needs.

Rule 3 – realise you made a commitment to share your home with a living animal. You did not buy a toy that can be discarded when you’ve had enough of it.

Rule 4 – if cat goes outside, you must keep on top of the de-fleaing. That’s a very basic part of cat ownership.

Rule 5 – if cat has had a traumatising experience as a kitten (being tormented by a child) it will take a lot of hard work to gain its trust, especially with children.

With cats (or any animals really) you get back what you give in terms of affection, companionship and respect. If you’re not up to the job, rehome the cat and please do not take in any more animals.

ghostyslovesheets · 30/04/2018 09:38

what flea treatment are you using?

Claire90ftm · 30/04/2018 09:39

She was treated badly in her last home. It takes a long time to become trusting of people after being treated in the way that she was. And honestly, your children probably didn't give her the space that she needed to become comfortable on her own. My aunt rescued a cat and it took a couple of years for her to become a lap cat. If you force her to have cuddles and strokes then she won't be happy, she'll assume it's going to be the same as her last home. I don't think having her (although I'm very glad that you rescued her from the home she was in) when you have children was a good idea.

Cats bring small animals in, there is nothing that will change that really. That's just what they do, some more than others.

Regarding the scratching the furniture, get a spray bottle of water and each time she scratches furniture spray her and use a firm voice (not shouting) and say "No.".

But really, I don't think she will get better with your children there. Perhaps you should send her to a family with no children, as hard as that will be, she's always going to be anxious and on edge.

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/04/2018 09:42

I clearly underestimated that most cats behave like this. I probably shouldn’t have got her without researching more and I totally hold my hands up to that.
I wouldn’t get another pet if I didn’t have her.
She does tend to sleep high up on top of my wardrobe.
We did try to play with her, bought loads of balls, rods etc but she didn’t seem interested and/or scratched us.
I’ll get some more and keep persevering with her.
I know I come across as uncaring but I’m really not, the thought of sending her somewhere else is horrible. And if I do make that decision it won’t be done lightly and I will be paying for a charity to take her so I know that she’s going to the best place rather than someone else who (like us) might not be right for her

OP posts:

AwkwardPaws27 · 30/04/2018 09:42

If she keeps getting fleas she may have irritated skin from the bites, hence turning when stroked.
Try a good quality (Advocate, Stronghold, Advantage etc) flea product, apply religiously, and treat the house (otherwise you'll just get eggs hatching and repeated infestation).
She may have sensitive areas anyway; my boy adores chin tickles but anything around his lower back is overstimulating and he nips, so we only do the chin tickles.
Try out an id tag and bell on the same ring - extra loud and helps reduce animal kills - keeping her in at dawn and dusk should also help (although I appreciate you may not want to do this).

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