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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get rid of the cat

113 replies

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/04/2018 09:20

We got a cat 4 years ago, I mithered DH for ages and he finally gave in and got me one. She was about 1 when we got her and came from a house where the little girl (prob about 7yr) didn’t treat her great. When we went to visit the cat I saw the girl on a few times pull her tail, trap her in the corner etc.
Well fast forward 4 years and I’m really regretting getting her. She isn’t affectionate, well she might be for 5 mins but then turns and scratches and bites, my hands and arms are covered in marks from her.
The DCs don’t get any enjoyment from her as don’t trust her. She scratches all the furniture, have bought her posts etc but she isn’t interested.
She constantly brings birds, mice and frogs in the house (either dead or alive) and always seems to be getting fleas. The latter is more my fault as I’m prob not as on the ball at keeping her treated but it seems that if I’m a week or 2 late with her treatment she gets them straight away.
I feel awful thinking of getting rid of her but I’m so fed up with it all...

OP posts:

CatLadyToddlerMother · 30/04/2018 10:07

Play tunnel is another my cat also likes but I never bought a cat specific one, my DD has one and they play in it together, it's lovely to see

Mousefunky · 30/04/2018 10:07

Fleas are not the cats fault. You need to give it regular flea treatment to prevent- tablets, a flea collar, spot on treatments weekly etc. That is necessary for an outdoor cat.

Believe it or not, bringing dead animals is your cats way of showing they love you. She is trying to gift you presents. That behaviour can’t really be changed...

The scratching is also normal. Feliway is a good start and try catnip. If you really can’t stand her behaviour, give her up for adoption. The problem is, older cats aren’t very popular and depending on where you give her up to she may well end up being put down .

SlothMama · 30/04/2018 10:07

Don't moan about fleas if you can't be arsed to treat her for it, take her to a vet to see if there's an underlying issue causing her aggression.

findingmyfeet12 · 30/04/2018 10:11

I hope your children aren't harassing the cat. Our cat scratches us when we stroke her for too long, don't put the fire on for her, sit in her favourite seat, don't give her enough treats and generally fail to do her bidding.

I'm not sure what to advise because we love having a diva cat and indulge her bad behaviour (our furniture is torn to ribbons).

Cats are often grumpy and like things on their terms (don't we all). You'll have to co-exist with her as an equal rather than a toy to be cuddled.

fantasmasgoria1 · 30/04/2018 10:15

My mum had a cat like this. Had her checked etc and there was no apparent reason for her behaviour. My mum never gave her away , she kept her and cared for her regardless.

Beamur · 30/04/2018 10:16

A cat that has been mistreated will be wary for a very long time. Accept that sitting on your lap is actually her trusting you (plus you are warm and comfortable) but give her space.
I had a rescue cat that I would advise people not to stroke, yet she was the prettiest cat and would quite often rub round your legs but if you stroked her would try and bite you. She did get better but it was years not months.
My current cats are both very friendly and affectionate, will tolerate stoking on any part of their bodies (including rolling on their backs for tummy rubs) - I would have lost blood and skin if I'd tried this on my old cat!
If your cat is getting infested again, as someone else has said, it's probably because your house also needs treating. There will be eggs in the carpet that keep reinvesting your cat. Flea bites can be very itchy and some cats are allergic to flea bites, so your cat could be feeling pretty miserable if she has fleas often.
Be patient and kind and your cat will learn to trust you.

CocoaGin · 30/04/2018 10:16

In fairness to you OP, my DD has got a cat and she is feral. DDs children are terrified of her, and rightly so. If you walk over her on the stairs, she will bite and scratch you, and sometimes imbed herself into your leg. She will bite you as look at you, and she's completely undomesticated. But she was a farm kitten, her mum had never been indoors and I went mad when DD got her as I tried to tell her this and that she'd never be a domestic cat.
They manage by telling the kids NOT to go near the cat, ever. If she wants affection, it's on her terms and you don't stroke or touch her, you just let her sit or nuzzle you and keep very very still. She has a collar with a bell on to stop her from constant killing and bringing kidneys/mice heads into the house. She's not a remotely nice pet, frankly, and I'm a massive animal lover.
Some cats don't like humans. It really is that simple, and your cat may be far better off being rehomed onto a massive farm where she can be as feral as she likes.

Branleuse · 30/04/2018 10:18

that's pretty standard for an adult female cat ime, especially one that has been tormented by children.

I think it's pretty shitty to get rid tbh. Just give her space.

DeadButDelicious · 30/04/2018 10:22

I have 3 cats. Each with very different personalities. The eldest is very laid back, loves a cuddle, the middle is a bit skittish, he's from a similar background to your cat, he isn't aggressive however, he will simply remove himself from a situation he doesn't like, the youngest is completely potty, she wants what she wants when she wants it and it's up to us to figure out what 'it' is or woe betide. Your cat is displaying typical cat behaviour. You will do well to adjust your expectations of her.

DamnWhyAreAllTheUsernamesTaken · 30/04/2018 10:22

give her the flea treatment on time for a start!! Would you leave your kids for several weeks without medication that they need?! You should have thought this through before you got her, not many cats are lap cats. She’d probably be better off in another home from the sounds of things...

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/04/2018 10:27

I've got a pair of farm cats, brother and sister. Girl is lovely - a bit too lovely, constantly in my face, comes out for walks with the dogs (down the lane in the dark so I trip over her) and a complete attention whore.

Boy is nervous to the point where I can barely touch him. He'll come in, catch sight of me moving about and dash back outside again. He'll miaow at me to be fed and then run away to hide when I turn up with the food tin.

Cats be weird. Good on you for taking the advice on board, OP!

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/04/2018 10:27

That’s what she’s like cocoa some days you can just walk past her and she’ll attack your legs. Sometimes I wonder if she’s just playing but it bloody hurts.
That’s another option that I have is to take her to the stables where my mum keeps her horses where she will be able to hunt as much as she likes and will have little interaction with people and a hay shed to sleep in. But then if she goes there, there’s no guarantee that she won’t run off or get hurt or sick and no one would notice so that puts me off

OP posts:

jaseyraex · 30/04/2018 10:28

Unfortunately some cats just really aren't very cuddly. My beloved cat that had to be put to sleep a few years ago wasn't the affectionate type. We got him as soon as he was able to leave his mum and he was 14 when he went. We spent absolutely ages trying to train him, getting him checked over and over at the vets, buying him every toy under the sun, collars with bells, flea collars, feliway plug ins, we even paid for a bloody cat "expert" to try and help... nothing worked. He was just a very grumpy cat! Rubbing lemon juice on the furniture he scratched seemed to work for us, smells quite nice too but not to the cat. Bell on the collar stopped so many dead things appearing in our house, although he did still catch some things every now and again. He was diagnosed with diabetes when he was 12, it was when he was unwell that he became a cuddly cat. So his last year's were spent giving all the kisses and cuddles he hadn't wanted for all those years.
Please try and persevere with your cat, I know it's especially hard with children but the cat deserves your time and effort too. Exhaust all your options first before giving him away.

gamerwidow · 30/04/2018 10:30

You will probably find it very hard to give her to a good charity because all the shelters are full because of people like you who didn't think through getting a pet and aren't prepared for the realities of homing them.
You are currently doing less then the bare minimum your cat needs. I do wonder where your DH is in all this though considering it was his idea to have the cat? It does feel like you've been lumbered with the responsibility despite not wanting it.

gamerwidow · 30/04/2018 10:31

Tbf though you have taken the suggestions on this thread on board and that is to your credit.

isthismummy · 30/04/2018 10:32

Yabu.

My cat was the cuddliest kitten ever. She's grown up to be quite aloof and unaffectionate. She's also given to scratching when she's had enough of being stroked.

That's her personality though, so I suck it up and let her get on with it. You don't give away your animals just because they aren't quite what you were hoping for. Would you give away your dc for the same reason?

And keep on top of her flea treatments. Set a reminder on your phone. It works a treat. Not treating her and then getting annoyed she gets fleas is so unfair.

Original poster

Mrsglitterfairy · 30/04/2018 10:33

DH didn’t want the cat in the first place, it was me that wanted one and he eventually gave in. He said from the start that she would maninly be my responsibility. He is the only one that she doesn’t scratch or bite though, I think this is because he doesn’t try too hard with her. If she goes to sit with him he will just let her sit there rather than trying to be cuddly with her

OP posts:

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 30/04/2018 10:33

Poor girl. 😭

Moominfan · 30/04/2018 10:34

He isn't cuddly with her. Obviously doesn't like them, can you all not follow his example?. Cats cant speak so scratching is how they communicate.

ghostyslovesheets · 30/04/2018 10:34

I have 4 cats and none of them are cuddly (in fact I think I've only every owned 2 cuddly cats in 40 years!)

My best mate is one of our 4 year old boys (we have 2 aged 4, 1 aged 3 and one aged 2) he was terrified of people as a kitten due to being treated so badly :( (as was his brother) - he likes nothing more that curling up next to me on the sofa or on bed - and follows me everywhere - he will have a head rub - I hold my hand out and let HIM rub my hand initially so I know he wants attention.

If I try to pick him up he hates it - he just doesn't want to be held.

The other 3 will come for a pat and also sleep next to me (if he lets them he's a bit jealous) or sleep next to the kids but none of them want to be held or cuddled (that's what the guinea pigs are for!)

cats are independent - they don't tend to like being cuddled!

gussyfinknottle · 30/04/2018 10:35

Google "Jackson Galaxy" for tips on how to reset your relationship with the cat.

gamerwidow · 30/04/2018 10:37

Sorry OP I misread and thought DH mothered you

franktheskank · 30/04/2018 10:39

She sounds like a normal cat tbh

gamerwidow · 30/04/2018 10:41

Actually it's telling that she likes DH best. My cats also have a 6th sense for finding the person who likes them least and then sitting on them.
I think they feel safe in knowing they won't be hassled and can sit there on their own terms. I'd try stepping away from your cat for a bit rather than trying to build a relationship. Let her come to you on her terms only. If possible don't even make eye contact. I've been doing this with my recently adopted cats for the last 2 weeks. They used to run away whenever they saw me but now they'll come and sniff me. It's a slow process but she needs to know she won't be touched unless she invites it so she feels confident and won't lash out. Good luck!!

Beaverhausen · 30/04/2018 10:42

Hi OP cats can be very sensitive on heir spines which at times could be an underlying issue.

As for scratching furniture you do get the feliway for scrathinngposts which will attract her to it.

I use felisept from Zoopla.co.uk which is very good as it has a high dosage of catnip.

Try and Google symptoms and see what might be the problem and a vet visit is a good idea.

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