To get rid of the cat

[Mrsglitterfairy]

We got a cat 4 years ago, I mithered DH for ages and he finally gave in and got me one. She was about 1 when we got her and came from a house where the little girl (prob about 7yr) didn’t treat her great. When we went to visit the cat I saw the girl on a few times pull her tail, trap her in the corner etc.
Well fast forward 4 years and I’m really regretting getting her. She isn’t affectionate, well she might be for 5 mins but then turns and scratches and bites, my hands and arms are covered in marks from her.
The DCs don’t get any enjoyment from her as don’t trust her. She scratches all the furniture, have bought her posts etc but she isn’t interested.
She constantly brings birds, mice and frogs in the house (either dead or alive) and always seems to be getting fleas. The latter is more my fault as I’m prob not as on the ball at keeping her treated but it seems that if I’m a week or 2 late with her treatment she gets them straight away.
I feel awful thinking of getting rid of her but I’m so fed up with it all...

When you stroke her where do you stroke her and how? A lot of nervous cats just want to be stroked on their back or the tops of their head and tummy tickling or under chin or anything which makes them feel vulnerable or like they can’t get away makes them lash out. Or if any stroking sets her off just let her sit on your knee and purr.

Get a seresto collar- this works for fleas for between 9 and 12 months, I too used to forget when it was due and these have been amazing. We have 2 cats, one is very affectionate one isn’t at all, it’s just the way they are and we accept each one as they are! Also mine bring in everything from mice to baby rabbits, I’ve become and expert at dealing with these things but I do sympathise, chasing a live mouse around is no fun!! A bell definitely helped.

I use a flea treatment from the vets, not too sure of the name. I used to use a cheaper one but it didn’t seem to do anything

jumps on my knee and then once I start stroking her she turns

I have a cat like that. There's nothing wrong with her and she likes her head being stroked, but woe betide anyone who touches the rest of her. She's slapped me accross the face many a time.

When your cat 'turns' make a note of where you were touching her, and don't touch her there. Or just let her sit with you - she might rub her head on your hand, let her guide you. Also let her sniff your hand before you start to stroke her. Cats vision close up is quite poor, so you might be surprising her.

Sounds like her first year of life was quite traumatic, being pestered by a child. She could also have not being socialised well as a very young kitten or left her mother and litter mates too early. If kittens don't have human contact by about 8 weeks, they will often never, or take a long time to trust humans.

I usually only stroke her on the top of her head and back as she’s normally sat down.
I think I need to try harder to build up a bond with her.

If you have a persistent flea problem, it's also worth treating your house (carpets and soft furnishings) with Indorex Spray.

YABU for letting her get fleas. Apart from the discomfort they can cause cats to get terribly run down and be susceptible to illness.

All of her other behaviour is very normal cat behaviour. They can't help that they scratch and kill small animals. It's fundamental to their nature. It's up to you to protect your furniture from her.

Also, some cats just aren't affectionate and that's something you just have to accept about them.

It sounds like you didn't do your research before getting her and had no idea what you were getting into. It also sounds like you're not especially responsible now - leaving her untreated for fleas for weeks at a time is really neglectful.

Since you aren't really caring for her properly rehoming her might be for the best. Don't just dump her at a shelter though - see if you can manage it through a private arrangement first.

Don't get another cat when she's gone - you'll just be unpleasantly surprised when it behaves in the same way.

I’ve had an aggressive cat sharing my home for the last 18 years. He comes for a stroke but as soon as he’s had enough he bites. He sits at the top of the stairs and claws feet / ankles as we pass. I’ve had him checked at the vets and there’s nothing to explain his reactions - no pain or diabetes. He’s just grumpy as hell! I wouldn’t be without him though, you just have to rule out cause of aggression then if there’s nothing accept them as they are. Cats are very much an ‘on their terms’ animal.

If you haven't heard of feliway then you've obviously not done any research/googling at all. Was your first instinct to come on mumsnet to say you're "getting rid" of the cat instead of actually trying to make anything better? How someone could be so blunt about "getting rid" of their own pet after 4 years is beyond me. My cat is a pain in the ass but he's MY pain in the ass, he's my pet and he's part of the family.

Ours won't wear a collar for love nor money. Let her out and let her back in rather than free reign with a cat flap she won't be able to bring things in then, although she sees them as presents for you. Definitely get a climbing tower so she has somewhere high to sleep and feel safe. Deflea and deworm regularly, take her to the vets for a check up to make sure she's not in pain. Make sure you're giving her high quality grain free high protein food, mix of wet and dry and plenty of fresh water, some cars have a grain allergy that makes their skin sensitive and painful. Get her a cat brush and use it with her daily, as soon as she doesn't want it, stop. This is good bonding, give her a treat if she behaves well. Definitely get a feliway plug in, please don't abandon this cat give her the love and attention she deserves

Have you tried trading treats for strokes?

Most cats are potty about dreamies.

So give her a stroke on the head only, and give her treat. When that trust builds up, move on to other places.

Avoid the back for as long as you can as this seems to be a trigger point for cats.

And as hard as it is, don't move away if she bites or scratches you. It teaches her that if she does that, you will stop. She needs to learn if she wants you to stop, she has to walk away

If she sits nicely for a bit on you just let her sit,don't try and stroke her at all. That will be her preferred treatment.

And if she does the same thing again and again, that's her personality not something that you need to fix.

Did you get her from a shelter? Or directly from previous owner?

If you cba to put any more effort in, then give her to a shelter, along with a decent donation. And don't get any more pets.

Was going to suggest she is possibly bored.

I find my cat needs playing with every few days. My cat likes fishing rod toys and also small balls which I roll to her and she plays with those herself.

Cats scratch if you stroke them in the wrong place, she might like just her back or her head stroked rather than her belly. My cat hates people touching around her tail and will scratch if she does.

More toys will help with the hunting too, the ones on sticks so you can play together, the dreamies snackie mouse keeps them busy for a bit and ours has one of these that he loves, cats are smart and need stimulation fetch.co.uk/catit-senses-super-roller-circuit-349799011?gclid=Cj0KCQjw_ZrXBRDXARIsAA8KauRLOOVuad3pEPiuPWL_4UJ3sqoXtQXaeQ3U_zw2kpI0bd0MVQk3PAcaAlMyEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

You might just have to accept she’s like this. One of mine is like that and it used to annoy me before I had kids but it’s quite cool now because he’s just out doing cat stuff and popping in to say hi occasionally and for his food rather than getting under my feet. I barely see him from March to October and in the winter he just finds somewhere warm to curl up peacefully. We’ve found a way to get along.

Look, taking any animal from a bad home and socialising it is a long and tough battle. Animals, once they lose trust, often don't build it again very easily - it takes time and patience.

If you get rid of this cat, you mustn't get another pet again, ever. Don't think "Oh, a kitten will be easier". You're just not the type of person who is suited to this.

You're clearly the wrong person to have rescued a cat like this.

You've had her years yet seemed clueless as to what she wants/needs/likes.

Let someone who is willing to put the work in to make her happy have her.

OP I have a cat similar to yours, but probably not as bad. She's also a rescue from a pretty bad home that came to us when she was around 1.

I'm sorry but I agree with PPs, you're not doing enough to help understand your own cat. Our cat needs a lot of play stimulation or she gets aggressive, this is where laser toys and fishing rods are our friends - all the fun and no risk.

You should try feliway, we got one over the winter when our cat wouldn't go outside and was extra nippy. It didn't do much but anything helped.

I don't know if it's the same for yours, but our cat was removed from the litter too soon, and never learned that her type of playing really bloomin' hurt. That's why most rescues home kittens in pairs.

We're at the stage now where we're considering introducing another cat so she has a method of energy release.

A couple of other things worth trying: make sure the litter tray is clean. Our puss goes absolutely crazy when she needs to poop. And also try a high-protein cat food if you're not using one already - a lot of high street brands are basically cat junk food and full of unnecessary stimulants. Fetch by Waitrose has a good range and there's pretty much always an offer on :)

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I was an idiot for not researching more but I really do want to do the right thing by her. As pps have said I know it’s not easy giving up a pet and it would be my last resort.
I’m going to tell the kids to leave her be, even if she goes to them just for them to sit quietly and let her lead. Same for me, I’ll just let her sit on me and take cues from her.
I de-flead her on Saturday and have actually noted it on the calendar now when she’s due again so I don’t miss the next one.

*meant if she's touched in the wrong place she scratches

Both of mine had very very hard lives before they came to us. One took over 6 months to let me stroke her, I never forced her but she came around. She's now the cuddliest most loving cat I've ever met. But only to people she knows and trusts, if strangers are over she will hide the whole time, and she's lived with us over 10 years.

The other was very badly beaten and will be disabled her whole life because of it. She has a heart of gold and is so friendly and confident. But I've taught my children how and where to touch her and they (at 7 and 5) know how to read her and if she's giving the body language to not want to be touched to leave her well alone.

Yes, try playing with her. It could be that she's bored or lonely, but getting another cat would be a huge risk as they might not get on, and then you'd have two cats you don't want. So go with the toys play with them with her until she spontaneously does this herself.

Balls with bells in are popular here, as are paper bags (such as Primark bags - cut the handles off and don't leave in a bedroom - it's quite disturbing when they start noisily rolling round the bedroom in the middle of the night). Other popular things have been cardboard boxes and little catnip mice or a play tunnel.

But cats being cats be prepared to give lots of toys, only for to ignore the most expensive ones and spend hours playing with the Primark bag or the free catnip mouse you pick up at the vets.