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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I didn't like a 'tell-tale' when I was younger and I still don't

281 replies

LittleMonkeysWideAwake · 30/04/2018 09:08

Those kids that tell on the teacher all the time, or tell you off in a high and mighty way. I didn't like them as a kid, and I don't like them as adults now!

This morning another parent at sons school told me off for my inappropriate parking. I was of course in the wrong! And said so, and apologised. But I'm fuming inside!!! I can't stand busy- bodies who go out of their way to tell me off!

Grrrrrr

Just a rant!

Are you one of those parents? (and we're you one of those kids?) and why do you do it?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 30/04/2018 09:49

I do still think there's an air is superiority and judgementalism in people like this man this mornin, though!

Like the air of superiority and judgementalism you are displaying here...?

LittleMonkeysWideAwake · 30/04/2018 09:49

Just to say - I have two wonderful DC and totally agree that they should tell if being bullied and bullying is very very wrong.

There is a difference though between 'Miss, Sam in bullying me' or 'Miss, Sam is kicking me' and 'Miss, Sam walked on the grass for two seconds at lunchtime'

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 30/04/2018 09:50

How were you parked?

bumblingbovine49 · 30/04/2018 09:51

OP. I agree. Most people who do this are usually blind to their own faults as well. They will usually say thing like

"I have my faults BUT .. " Then they proceed to list all of the things they of course "NEVER" do, failing to list the almost certainly equally long list of irritating (albeit probably different) things they do do. This is because people generally think that other people's faults are always worse than their own.

I you want to see this in action, just ask people to list the three things they least like in themselves and the three thing they least like in others. In my experience you generally get thinks like

  • I am too soft/let people walk all over me,
  • I am a bit irritable sometimes etc"
  • I can be a bit lazy sometimes

for themselves, whereas for others it is more likely to be things like. " I dislike it when others are entitled/selfish/take advantage of others/are rude /never help out etc etc".

This is of course normal for everyone including me but so many people are unaware of this in themselves and those are the types who like to 'point out other people's faults publicly.

Obviously it is sometimes important to say something if someone has done something that is dangerous or is really inconveniencing a lot of people on a regular basis, but I think it is better to approach this from the angle that the person being thoughtless is very likely to be no worse a person than you are, they have probably just pre-occupied/having a bad day etc.

Before anyone says I am a 'bleeding heart" type who finds too many excuses, there are obviously bad people in the world (some very bad), I am under no illusions about that, but I would suggest that it is always best to at least start with the expectation that the person doing the thoughtless thing is not a "bad" person.

As for me thinking twice before doing something again. Unless what I did was something that I really agree is beyond the pale, being "told off" for doing something that I did in a moment of hurry/thoughtlessness would just get my back up and would also make me want to do it again just to piss them off. Of course I wouldn't do that, but it would be my first internal reaction I am afraid

Then again I think I have a healthy balance of respect and mistrust of authority but I suppose I would say that wouldn't I?:)

Also for those who don't understand the difference:

At school - Tattle tale is someone who tells on someone else because they are breaking the school rules but where the breaking of the rules is not putting themselves or anyone else in danger or doing any direct harm to anyone. In that case it is best for the child not to say anything to the other child or to a teacher. At least if they don't want to come across as a pompous know it all anyway

If the rule breaking is something that could be harmful to themselves or someone else, then telling a teacher is fine

GertieMotherwell · 30/04/2018 09:51

But they weren’t telling anyone else they were telling you

That’s not telling tales 🤦‍♀️

PuppyMonkey · 30/04/2018 09:52

I think telling kids "not to tell tales" is a really bad way of bringing them up - like saying that when a child speaks up about something, the automatic assumption should be that they're fibbing and making tales up.

OP. Don't park like an idiot.

And don't use so many unnecessary exclamation marks either Wink Grin!!

systemlakeland · 30/04/2018 09:52

I wonder if these types pick and choose who they tell-off though? Bet they wouldn't tell-off a 6ft 5" scary looking thug so fast..!

ShatnersWig · 30/04/2018 09:53

OP: Am I being unreasonable?
98% of MN: Yes.
OP: No, I wasn't.
98% of MN: Yes you were,
OP: But don't you think...?
98% of MN: No, you were in the wrong.
OP: You're all so mean. But OK, I get it now.
One lone poster: I can see where you're coming from, OP
OP: Thank you, lovely poster, I'm glad it's not just me. I still think...
98% of MN: You're still unreasonable
OP: OK, I was, but still, don't you think...

chocatoo · 30/04/2018 09:54

I can't be doing with people who 'call me out'...busy bodies!! They will usually get a big smile and 'I know, thank you' from me!! Live and let live.

sobeyondthehills · 30/04/2018 09:54

I once tried to tell someone that they had parked in the wrong place and would get a ticket, they told me to fuck off. I watched not 15 minutes later the traffic warden walk round the corner.

LightDrizzle · 30/04/2018 09:55

I think the you are wrong about the people who challenge you always being the the people who will also “tell tales”.
The standards we walk past are the standards we accept. It takes balls to challenge people, most people say nothing and just bitch and moan to others or seethe.
The kind of children who were always telling tales at my school were whiny fuckers who made no attempt to stop the behaviour they ratted on. Telling tales was rare though because of the social consequences. It was regarded as the most heinous of crimes.

I struggled when my own DD1 went to school because due to the anti-bullying thing (a good idea) the disgust for splitting/spragging/snitching was a thing of the past and it seemed seemed to be a race to tell teacher that somebody was “being mean” [isolated minor incident over sharing] or had committed some minor infraction. They were all earnest little Young Pioneers ready to send each other off to the gulags!

I tried to instill the idea that they could sort most things out between themselves and you should only bother the teacher about things that are risky, serious or involve someone being picked on and made miserable.

I do remember having to concentrate on not letting my lip curl when my SD would come home from school and say “Some girls in our class were doing handstands by the art room, but I told Miss Robinson!”, I would just be non-commitally nice, - or she’d have spragged on me to her mum! Grin

FizzyGreenWater · 30/04/2018 09:55

And ok fair enough, I deserve to be called out on it!

end of thread then, surely?

LittleMonkeysWideAwake · 30/04/2018 09:55

Bumblingbovine49 - thank you!!! Much more eloquently put than I could manage :)

OP posts:
MirriVan · 30/04/2018 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KnittinKitten · 30/04/2018 09:56

People always have justification for why it’s ok for them to break the rule. It seems they totally agree with the rule and why it’s there except when it inconveniences them the slightest touch. In which case it’s “just for a second” and “not hurting anyone” Hmm

GertieMotherwell · 30/04/2018 09:56

Next week it will be.

AIBU “I parked illegally and other parents knew the traffic warden was about and didn’t tell me!!!! Now I have a fine. AIBU to think they should have warned me??”

LaurieMarlow · 30/04/2018 09:57

I can't be doing with people who 'call me out'...busy bodies!

So you want to be able to do what you like, regardless of impact on others and adherence to rules. Mature. Hmm

GertieMotherwell · 30/04/2018 09:57

The parking restriction would have been there for a reason.

britnay · 30/04/2018 09:59

Yeah, you just sound like you're one of THOSE people.

LittleMonkeysWideAwake · 30/04/2018 09:59

Sobeyondthehills - I guess they got their punishment then - didn't need you to also butt in. (Sorry they told you to fuck off though)

OP posts:
KnittinKitten · 30/04/2018 09:59

I’m guessing the fact you were at a school and parked somewhere you shouldn’t have been means it was a safety issue. Parking restrictions at schools are usually for pedestrian and mostly child safety.

SoupDragon · 30/04/2018 10:00

They will usually get a big smile and 'I know, thank you' from me!!

How would you react if you told your child off for something and that was their response?

Mulberrybaby · 30/04/2018 10:01

Did your parking affect her? If it didn’t she’s being a busy body.. I would speak up if your parking had impacted on me in anyway but otherwise I would kept my opinions to myself. 😘

KnittinKitten · 30/04/2018 10:01

Grin soup you just invoked an image of the child Sheldon in the young Sheldon programme!

AgathaF · 30/04/2018 10:01

Park properly then no-one will hassle you. Problem solved.

And try to grow up a little, you sound like a 14 year old.

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