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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her I like her? (I’m straight)

108 replies

Malibuandpineapple32 · 29/04/2018 14:24

So I’m in my 30s and always had relationships with men,never found a woman attractive.
A year or so I was introduced to a woman through a mutual friend.
I started to enjoy being around her,loved when my friend said she was joining us on a night out.
I think we flirted.
Anyway I think I like her,what do I do?
Say anything?
She knows I’m straight but I kind of like her.

OP posts:
GirlsBlouse17 · 29/04/2018 19:29

Let's hope that love blossoms between you both. Keep us posted as to how it all goes! I wish you luck!

Mousefunky · 29/04/2018 19:37

I can understand Ajas’s point to an extent. Lesbianism is ‘cool’ in a way being gay just isn’t. Straight males can and do ‘experiment’ of course but they generally wouldn’t put it out there on social media for ‘likes’ or rub it in their friends faces for fear of being mocked etc. Whereas women can and do kiss their female friends on nights out and post the pics on social media for men to ogle over. In ways, it is making a mockery of true gay and bisexual women and I can understand them getting their feelings hurt by straight women thinking it would be interesting or fun to experiment with lesbian sex as if they’re a test subject.

HOWEVER, I strongly believe sexuality is extremely fluid. I do think some people are 100% gay and some 100% straight- my best friend is one, I honestly would eat the entire contents of my house if ever came to me and said he had sex with a woman Grin. I think most people sit somewhere in the grey middle area though. They may have spent their whole lives being gay or straight (as OP has) but suddenly meet and have a spark with somebody who changes that. It’s normal and natural.

OP, I would spend some more time with her and if you still feel as strongly, maybe drop some subtle hints that you have a crush on her and see what happens. You have nothing to lose.

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 29/04/2018 19:41

I agree that sexuality is fluid, but surely if you're physically attracted to someone you would like the idea of having sex with them? If not it's just a crush/platonic attraction, so "going for it" will be misleading and possibly hurtful. No issue with letting the friendship develop, but don't give messages you don't mean.

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 29/04/2018 19:42

I just don't think that if you'd out up a message about a male friend, saying you thought about him but didn't want to have sex with him, that people would tell you to go for it regardless.

Original poster
Malibuandpineapple32 · 30/04/2018 09:22

Think I’m just going to leave it because she probably wouldn’t be interested and I’m not even sure of my feelings and what they mean,wouldn’t be fair to even mention it plus like I say she probably wouldn’t be interested anyway.

OP posts:
GirlsBlouse17 · 30/04/2018 09:32

Best not to say anything to her OP for the time being but just see where your friendship goes. Nothing may come of it but just go with how you feel.

Original poster
Malibuandpineapple32 · 30/04/2018 09:34

Do you think it would be off putting for her that I’ve only ever had relationships with men?

OP posts:
GirlsBlouse17 · 30/04/2018 09:42

It is possible. She may have no idea how you feel about her anyway. If she is attracted to you, she may be cautious or she may want to just see what happens. Just go with the flow and see where your heart takes you

Original poster
Malibuandpineapple32 · 30/04/2018 10:49

It was so much easier when I didn’t feel like this Confused

OP posts:
nineteentwelve · 30/04/2018 11:13

I'm a gay woman, and its a confusing situation because part of me sees you saying the way you feel about her and it's quite clear you probably do have quite a crush, BUT, don't say anything until you're actually sure because there is quite simply nothing worse than being led on by a straight woman.
I think every single one of my gay friends has had a bad time at some point with a straight woman using her as an experiment. Equally though, I've seen a lot of straight woman becoming.. no longer straight you could say haha! My best friend was with a man and living with a man for years, and now I see her and her girlfriend and shes ten times happier. We would never have guessed though.
Maybe spend more time with her to figure it out, but not in a flirty date setting

Original poster
Malibuandpineapple32 · 30/04/2018 11:42

Me and her are like chalk and cheese
I’m quite girly and she’s the total opposite
It’s weird but I am attracted

OP posts:
nineteentwelve · 30/04/2018 12:05

Opposites do attract. Maybe try hang out with her a little more before you decide whether or not its just an innocent crush

MyotherUsernameisaPun · 30/04/2018 12:12

I don't think she would be put off that you've only been with men, exactly, but she might be wary about getting her feelings hurt when you have so much uncertainty.

I'm now married (to a man) but in the past have had a couple of experiences with female friends who said they liked me, got involved with me and then decided they were straight after all. I totally understand that everyone has the right to work out their own sexuality but it would have helped me a lot if those girls had said 'I'm really unsure but I think I like you' rather than 'I've fallen in love with you!'. At least then my eyes would have been open!

I think straight girls sometimes don't consider what a gay relationship (or gay sex) would be like until they meet a gay or bi woman in real life and start to think about it. That's okay, and it can lead to people discovering their own sexuality, but you just have to be careful that nobody else's feelings are being sacrificed in the meantime.

nineteentwelve · 30/04/2018 12:35

it would have helped me a lot if those girls had said 'I'm really unsure but I think I like you' rather than 'I've fallen in love with you!'. At least then my eyes would have been open!

^^ this. hit the nail on the head

BettyBettyBetty · 30/04/2018 13:31

Just tell her

Onlyoldontheoutside · 30/04/2018 13:31

Just carry on as you are or ask for a coffee.Same as you would if you fancied a man.Sleeping with someone is the last thing I'm thinking of when I go out with someone, I'm making a friend,learning about them as a person.The attraction has to be there but if I approached every relationship with the thought that I must only make a move if I know I want to sleep with them I'd have had a duller life.
As far as I know I'm straight as in I have not met a woman I have felt attracted to.If I did I wouldn't miss the opportunity of a meaningful relationship just because of a label.I wouldn't mess a woman around because I was curious but would investigate if it was an attraction.Love is where you find it.

Ticketsfrom · 30/04/2018 16:40

And good luck with it!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/04/2018 16:50

Just be true to yourself, and carry on having a nice time, hope it works out for you. 😀

GirlsBlouse17 · 30/04/2018 19:54

Have you been out together just the two of you or has it always been with your mutual friend?

OlennasWimple · 30/04/2018 20:00

Not a "lipstick lesbian". Maybe a "cherry Chapstick lesbian" Wink

Original poster
Malibuandpineapple32 · 30/04/2018 20:36

We’ve always been out with the mutual friend.
Found out through mutual friend she has just started seeing someone.
Bit gutted.

OP posts:
GirlsBlouse17 · 30/04/2018 20:42

Oh no! Am Sorry! That is sad for you. Maybe it's best not to say anything to her now but stay friends with her. Does your mutual friend know how you feel about her?

TheOneWith · 30/04/2018 20:53

Tbh your posts read to me like this is the first lesbian you’ve known in real life, and it’s a bit of a novelty crush.

Original poster
Malibuandpineapple32 · 30/04/2018 21:03

I have 2 friends who I socialise regularly with who are both gay...I’ve never liked them like I did this woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
Malibuandpineapple32 · 30/04/2018 21:04

No nobody knows!!
Just myself and mumsnet thankfully

OP posts: