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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop him putting our dcs into fighting classes.

102 replies

Twounder1 · 29/04/2018 14:01

My dp is a lover of MMA, used to start fights all the time in school. Loves to fight, doesn't start them anymore but I can tell in public if something kicks off he's itching to get involved. He sounds like a thug but he isn't. He won't start a fight now or anything. Quite placid and helps people. He wants to go into MMA though to get fit and help with anger and ADHD problems. I don't care. That's his perogative. If he wants to be an idiot and hurt himself. He can. He's incredibly strong and paralysed a kid in school whilst playing rugby so I worry for others. But it's their choice if they want to go into this sport.

I do not like violence. He knows this. I hate it. Personally to me, MMA, wrestling is just people trying to hurt each other.

Anyway, our dd is all him. She adores him and he adores her and he's adamant he's putting her into MMA, judo etc as soon as she turns 3. For self defense. Self defense is important. But there's a class in our village for kids and adults. It teaches around the law. How to handle situations and how to handle things if your life is in danger. That's it. I may be ignorant but dp is going on that MMA is just being put in the ring going at each other. He always goes on "wouldn't you be proud if she became a fighter" like no! My baby would be getting hurt. He then proceeded to say I'd be the most unsupportive mother if I didn't go to watch her fight etc. Why would I want to? She accidentally hurt herself this morning trying to walk and cut her mouth and the blood. I've been sobbing about it since worried.
Aibu to put a stop to this? I feel like he's trying to push his dreams onto her. I don't want any of my dds fighting. Especially not for sport.

OP posts:

FizzyGreenWater · 29/04/2018 14:04

our dd is all him

Oh dear. If she's this small, I'd suggest leaving the thug right now so that you can turn that around in time.

ladyvimes · 29/04/2018 14:07

Are there any other sorts of martial arts she can do that aren’t so fighting focused? My dd does martial arts and never fights anyone outside of it!

Pebblespony · 29/04/2018 14:11

Leaving him over this is a bit drastic!!

I agree about finding another martial art. My niece does karate, she loves it and it seems very safe. It might be a middle ground.

RhinoBlue · 29/04/2018 14:12

Not all martial arts are the same. I'm not keen on MMA, but Judo is definitely not about hurting other people. I do Judo, it makes you strong and can help with focus and discipline. She might enjoy Judo.

You can't force a child to do a martial art though. I sent my son to Judo, I thought he'd love it like I do. He hated it. He has no interest in martial arts at all. So we worked to find him a hobby he does enjoy.

allez · 29/04/2018 14:14

MMA and other martial ares are of course people trying to hurt each other but that doesn't mean they're wrong.

You learn respect, control, determination ... many important things. It's also surprisingly safe.

I think your calling it "fighting classes" completely misses the point. That isn't what they are.

It's natural to steer your children towards something that interests you but you should back off when they don't.

Why do you have a veto? Far more people die from drowning - can he stop you teaching her to swim?

SerPants · 29/04/2018 14:14

She's only two? Too much, too soon.

I don't think there's anything wrong with fighting sports, but participants have to really want to do it. It sounds like he's trying to live out his ambitions through her, which is always a worry.

Let her decide for herself when she's a bit (a lot) older and can weigh up the pros and cons for herself.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 29/04/2018 14:15

He paralysed a child!?! I realise things like this can happen in a sport like rugby (although it is incredibly rare unless someone is purposely trying to hurt someone) but did that not horrify him? And maybe put him off violence forever?

Did he show any remorse? Has he kept in touch with the child he paralysed to see if he can help them at all?

You are right - he sounds exactly like a thug.

allez · 29/04/2018 14:16

x-posted with a few people who seemingly don't know what MMA stands for.

Mixed martial arts.

Most of the good fighters are excellent at boxing, judo, jiu jitsu and others. When I lived in Thailand there would be lots of people who wanted another string to their bow and studied Muay Thai (kick boxing) for a few months.

VanessaShanessaJenkins · 29/04/2018 14:16

I don't understand how someone who says they hate violence chooses to spend their life with someone who loves violence so much???

If my husband wanted to stand in a ring and punch someone I'd view him exactly the same as if he did it to someone in the street! But then I think boxing is just legalised assault and is absolutely ridiculous.

NC4Now · 29/04/2018 14:18

I think you’d struggle to find a MMA class that would accept a two-year-old.

Maybe try something like Jujitsu?

Original poster

Twounder1 · 29/04/2018 14:20

I don't want to leave him. He isn't a thug and the only way he would fight outside being at the MMA gym he wants to join is self defence or if we are in danger. He doesn't go out of his way anymore.
Yes, playing rugby in school. Which I was appalled by. Why I don't like rugby or anything like that.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 29/04/2018 14:22

There is not a chance in hell my DP would be putting my child in a ring to fight another child at three years old. I can't believe anyone would imagine this was an okay thing to do.

Original poster

Twounder1 · 29/04/2018 14:22

She's 1 at the moment but he wants to put her into it when she's 3. I really enjoyed judo as a kid but never took it up. We had a few classes in school, but I worry he's trying to put dd on that track of wanting to be a fighter. I don't like it.
I want her to be who she wants to be. Not him force this on her. Who wants to see their children get hurt?

OP posts:

FurryDogMother · 29/04/2018 14:23

How about Tai Chi? It is actually a martial art, but doesn't involve fighting anyone, plus it's beautiful to watch, and teaches self discipline, promotes fitness and mental wellbeing.

extrastrongmint · 29/04/2018 14:24

I still can't get past "used to start fights all the time" and "paralysed a kid in school". He has destroyed a person's life and hasn't learned from it. She is 2 years old and he wants to mould her into a thug like him. FFS - you should know how this is going to end.

Original poster

Twounder1 · 29/04/2018 14:28

I don't mind for self defence classes like the one in our village, respectful etc. Judo was okay for me. But he's on about properly going out to hurt someone which is how it looks to me.
Problem is with dp, he was beat by his dad repeatedly as a baby until he was 3 and watched his mom with MS be beat by him until she had the courage and strength to leave. He has anger issues from this as it really made his mom ill. He lost her at 16, she was bedbound most of his life. I think from what he says fighting was a way for him to deal with it especially through being bullied. But it isn't the answer. I can understand his issues but it's very inappropriate to try and put it on an impressionable young girl

OP posts:

Original poster

Twounder1 · 29/04/2018 14:29

He destroyed it in a sport. He didn't go out to paralyse him.

OP posts:

SerPants · 29/04/2018 14:30

Perhaps he should actually experience MMA for himself before he volunteers his one-year-old (!) for it? He might change his mind.

He sounds way OTT.

Put your foot down now, while she's so young, then let her decide for herself when she's old enough. Possibly get her into a more child-friendly martial art in the meantime if she's interested.

Pengggwn · 29/04/2018 14:33

Tell him to jog on, OP. The thought of sitting there, encouraging my little girl (or boy!) to hit someone while that person hit her, as she looked on at me wondering why I was letting people hit her, is horrific. Wouldn't be happening.

StillNoClue · 29/04/2018 14:35

If he wants her to do judo she'll need to be 5. Think the majority of martial arts will be the same. Same goes for MMA.
There is nothing wrong with kids doing martial arts. But, your dd needs to learn it's for self defence, fitness etc. Not just to beat the shit out of each other.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/04/2018 14:36

Compromise with judo, Tai chi etc? I used to do those; there's no fighting.

MMA is a different ballgame entirely...

Original poster

Twounder1 · 29/04/2018 14:36

Exactly! I think it's a huge hobby for him. It's something he wants to pursue because he thinks self defense in this sense is important from his childhood when his dad used to beat him.
I don't mind Tai Chi, loads of kids go through karate with no problems. But being put in a ring and just going at someone is inappropriate to me. To encourage my children to do it to me is very inappropriate.

OP posts:

Idontdowindows · 29/04/2018 14:38

So your partner wants to put your child in MMA and put her on an early road to brain damage..... nice.

diddl · 29/04/2018 14:38

He sounds exactly like a thug.

"doesn't start them anymore but I can tell in public if something kicks off he's itching to get involved."

How about you both let your kids decide when they're old enough?

Confusedbeetle · 29/04/2018 14:39

This child is a baby. There are potential child protection issues in all you are describing. The warning signs are there

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