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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stop him putting our dcs into fighting classes.

102 replies

Twounder1 · 29/04/2018 14:01

My dp is a lover of MMA, used to start fights all the time in school. Loves to fight, doesn't start them anymore but I can tell in public if something kicks off he's itching to get involved. He sounds like a thug but he isn't. He won't start a fight now or anything. Quite placid and helps people. He wants to go into MMA though to get fit and help with anger and ADHD problems. I don't care. That's his perogative. If he wants to be an idiot and hurt himself. He can. He's incredibly strong and paralysed a kid in school whilst playing rugby so I worry for others. But it's their choice if they want to go into this sport.

I do not like violence. He knows this. I hate it. Personally to me, MMA, wrestling is just people trying to hurt each other.

Anyway, our dd is all him. She adores him and he adores her and he's adamant he's putting her into MMA, judo etc as soon as she turns 3. For self defense. Self defense is important. But there's a class in our village for kids and adults. It teaches around the law. How to handle situations and how to handle things if your life is in danger. That's it. I may be ignorant but dp is going on that MMA is just being put in the ring going at each other. He always goes on "wouldn't you be proud if she became a fighter" like no! My baby would be getting hurt. He then proceeded to say I'd be the most unsupportive mother if I didn't go to watch her fight etc. Why would I want to? She accidentally hurt herself this morning trying to walk and cut her mouth and the blood. I've been sobbing about it since worried.
Aibu to put a stop to this? I feel like he's trying to push his dreams onto her. I don't want any of my dds fighting. Especially not for sport.

OP posts:

Idontdowindows · 29/04/2018 16:03

Idon't its not like that at my dojo

But your dojo is not the only place where children learn to fight in MMA.

Just because you have no experience with it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Idontdowindows · 29/04/2018 16:06

Have you ever actually been to an MMA class?

Funnily enough I have. I don't just go shouting bollocks about shit I know nothing about.

I've participated myself. I know quite a few people in the fighting world still. Middle particpated at quite a decent level before he switched to judo.

And yes there are absolutely certified, checked, registered MMA fighting schools where they get taught to beat the crap out of each other and competitions where they beat the crap out of each other from 4 and up.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2018 16:12

I am not saying that it does not Idont, as I said, I googled it, and I was shocked that it does happen. I belong to a very sensible Dojo, in which health and safety is paramount, there is no fighting for children, they only have an adult fight team, you are chosen if you show potential. YOu are not allowed to do what you want and have to show respect to each other and the instructors. In my adult class you get men and women, nurses, teachers, accountants, STAHP. There is no feeling of being hard or having a big ego. It is just an enjoyable way of keeping fit and helping with confidence. I asked ds 6 if he wanted to join, but he wasen't keen so have left it. I would not force a child to do it, if they don't want to.

Actually op, your partner would not be allowed to fight and do what he wanted in the Dojo, and would be kicked out.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2018 16:13

I just wanted to dispel the myths of MMA being a bloody sport where you beat the crap out of, and it is a free for all. My experience of it cannot be further from the truth. In fact I cannot see that happening in any proper martial arts centre in the UK.

Bornlazy · 29/04/2018 16:16

My DS is 15 and the gym that he goes to he is not allowed to fight. There is no way I would allow that.

pasturesgreen · 29/04/2018 16:18

He paralysed a kid in school whilst playing rugby

And it doesn't sound as though he has learned much from it, tbh. I'm horrified just reading this. He needs help managing his anger.

I'm not pearl clutching here, I did judo for many years (had to stop after an injury), and it can be an excellent sport for children, but the way he's going about it is wrong in so many ways.

BitOutOfPractice · 29/04/2018 16:21

I don't think anger issues and MMA mix to be honest

I'm afraid you have made him sound like a thug OP. Because he is one

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2018 16:28

I don't think your dp understands what MMA is about. It is not being put into the ring and beating the crap out of each other, the fight would be put to a stop before that was allowed. He would not be allowed to do what he wanted at a martial arts centre, there are rules he would have to follow, and to show respect. He would soon realise that, he could not be a hard man there. I would not be with somebody who paralysed a person, that would be a dealbreaker.

ButchyRestingFace · 29/04/2018 16:36

Accident or not, if I had paralysed someone I don't think I'd ever play anything more aggressive than tiddlywinks again.

I quite like watching MMA, am surprised that they would let young kids get involved in it. There's no way I'd consent to that.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2018 16:40

Totally AndNoneFor it is a mix of different Marial arts, we were learning Svat the other time our Kickboxing class.

DannyConcannon · 29/04/2018 16:55

I don't just go shouting bollocks about shit I know nothing about.

Are you sure AIBU is the right place for you?

mzcracker · 29/04/2018 17:10

He really does sound like a thug. I would never encourage a child to join MMA, most of the people I know who do it are thugs or hyper masculine bellends like your partner.
I did judo as a child, it's about defending yourself and about self discipline.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2018 17:19

Oh god mzcracker that could be nothing further from the truth where I train, they are all lovely people, and a mix of men and women from different walks of life.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2018 17:19

Any egos are totally shut down.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2018 17:21

So they might be bellends outside the centre, but inside no.

mzcracker · 29/04/2018 17:26

I'm not suggesting MMA is the problem. I think it's the type of man it's attracting.
My ex was involved in it for a while, Muay Thai in particular.
The whole thing just had a very unsavoury reputation. I wouldn't encourage my children to get involved as a result of my experience.

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 29/04/2018 17:29

But I think because he's strong and he knows he'd win he sees it as a challenge

This just seems a really weird attitude from someone who trains martial arts, you learn pretty early on that no matter how good you get, there's always someone out there who can kick your ass and you can't tell by looking at them who it is.

And on the street you obvs have the problem of someone pulling a knife, which is incredibly hard to defend against even for the really elite guys

Distractotron · 29/04/2018 18:18

Me and my three kids go to mma classes. The youngest age the kids can start at, is 6. There isn't a lot of sparring involved within the classes - most of it is training on bags/with pads. Some of the dads that help out will spar with the kids at the end (mostly encouraging the kids to move well and use techniques). The kids don't spar with each other. I've been helping in the class for over a year and never seen any of the kids get hurt. Although the dads occasionally take a well-aimed luck to the ribs (usually from one of the girls!). It's good exercise and encourages discipline and respect. I find the general atmosphere in the club to be friendly and supportive.
It's not just kickboxing either - my three do Brazilian jiu jitsu after their kickboxing class, they find it really fun.
I imagine the club gets the odd thug type passing through but haven't met any there, and I go to three classes myself so not just the kids classes. I don't think that sort of thing would be tolerated in a good club/gym, and certainly not in a kids class.

Greenyogagirl · 29/04/2018 18:21

She’s 1 and the most important thing to him is that she fights.
That is scary.
Maybe she will want to go, maybe she will want to do ballet, maybe she’ll want to swimming, give her time to grow up and decide for herself!
Also how do you know he paralysed someone? Was he bragging about that because he does sound like a thug who wants his child to follow his footsteps

LemonysSnicket · 29/04/2018 18:30

I will never understand a person who would enjoy physically damaging another human.

However I did do Thai boxing and loved it - they can train to hit mats rather than people.

Ask whether he things his beautiful fighting girl might turn out to be a violent ladette on the town and see if he likes that image.

sonjadog · 29/04/2018 18:31

Sadly it happens in rugby. I remember it happened to a boy in my brother's year at school. My father was very active in rugby all his life, and I remember him talking about similar accidents happening elsewhere.

I would try for a compromise. Wait until she is a bit older and start with some calmer martial arts. Something more focused on balance and body control. See if she enjoys it and take it from there.

Idontdowindows · 29/04/2018 18:33

Are you sure AIBU is the right place for you?

UnimaginativeUsername · 29/04/2018 18:41

I’d imagine that any martial arts class that takes 3 year olds will be a long, long way from people hurting each other.

DS2 does a taekwondo class before school one day a week. It’s much more about having fun and keeping everyone safe than anything else.

The problem isn’t martial arts; it’s your partner’s weird obsession with ‘fighting’ and ‘being a fighter’.

Mrskeats · 29/04/2018 18:45

he paralysed a kid in school
Said in such a casual way.
The single most chilling thing I have ever read on this forum.

Burgerking123 · 20/11/2018 19:31

Been padded any way gloves,foot protectors and head guard

No club would have let her get hurt anyway

Best thing is buy her some gloves, foot guards and shorts

Doubt let you age 3 !

Surely just be PAD WORK ! and if in ring at all just be little bit of semi and bit of fun padded up !

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