To stop him putting our dcs into fighting classes.

[Twounder1]

My dp is a lover of MMA, used to start fights all the time in school. Loves to fight, doesn't start them anymore but I can tell in public if something kicks off he's itching to get involved. He sounds like a thug but he isn't. He won't start a fight now or anything. Quite placid and helps people. He wants to go into MMA though to get fit and help with anger and ADHD problems. I don't care. That's his perogative. If he wants to be an idiot and hurt himself. He can. He's incredibly strong and paralysed a kid in school whilst playing rugby so I worry for others. But it's their choice if they want to go into this sport.

I do not like violence. He knows this. I hate it. Personally to me, MMA, wrestling is just people trying to hurt each other.

Anyway, our dd is all him. She adores him and he adores her and he's adamant he's putting her into MMA, judo etc as soon as she turns 3. For self defense. Self defense is important. But there's a class in our village for kids and adults. It teaches around the law. How to handle situations and how to handle things if your life is in danger. That's it. I may be ignorant but dp is going on that MMA is just being put in the ring going at each other. He always goes on "wouldn't you be proud if she became a fighter" like no! My baby would be getting hurt. He then proceeded to say I'd be the most unsupportive mother if I didn't go to watch her fight etc. Why would I want to? She accidentally hurt herself this morning trying to walk and cut her mouth and the blood. I've been sobbing about it since worried.
Aibu to put a stop to this? I feel like he's trying to push his dreams onto her. I don't want any of my dds fighting. Especially not for sport.

He isn't a thug and the only way he would fight outside being at the MMA gym he wants to join is self defence or if we are in danger

And yet in your own words he's still "itching to get involved" if something kicks off? How long before he loses control completely and tries to justify it because of some invented perceived "danger"?

Insisting that he won't "go out of his way anymore" is hardly a benefit, so maybe you could consider whether he's simply taking the learned behaviour from his father and looking for a way to legitimise it?

And no, a child of mine would be going nowhere near lessons in violence MMA ... but then she wouldn't be around someone like this in the first place

How can you say she is "all him" when she's flaming ONE ?

He isn't a thug. I've made him sound like one from what he's done in the past when he had a lot of anger issues, had a lot of people bullying him for his mom being very very unwell and people who started on him. Him paralysing someone was in sport. He didn't go out to ruin his life.
He's the first person to help anyone in public. Always helps ladies/men on the bus and women with pushchairs struggling down stairs etc. He is lovely. But I think because he's strong and he knows he'd win he sees it as a challenge and an adrenaline kick in a hobby.

Surely the compromise here is that she’s put into martial arts but not the classes you’re worried about?

And he sounds like a thug, sorry. Where the hell do you live that he’s regularly looking like he wants to jump in when things are kicking off??

MMA is absolutely not about beating the shit out of people

Go to YT and put "MMA children" into the search bar.

They're beating the crap out of each other from 4 years and up.

It's not at all like for instance judo. It's about fighting people, not about defending yourself and controlling the situation.

Right, I'm leaving the thread now due to various reasons.
Thanks to all the sensible replies and genuine advice and help other than people telling me to leave him an making out I've made a bad decision having kids with him.

Both our son and daughter do tae kwon do. They love it. Promotes strength, balance, flexibility, discipline they also teach how to avoid confrontation etc.
They start from 3.5 but at this age to dont do any sparring etc.

I will bring up other martial arts when she's a bit older. Thanks to the replies also who've educated me and put relief on my shoulders that some are very peaceful and full of discipline. :)

He isn't a thug. I've made him sound like one from what he's done in the past ...

Don't you think your remark about him "itching to get involved" if something kicks off suggests that the tendency's not in the past at all, but still very much there?

As does his suggestion that you might be proud if your tiny child "became a fighter"

I can't get over the fact that your DH is so strong he once accidentally paralysed someone and yet he continues to do sports where he could hurt someone

I did martial arts for a short while last year, and have to disagree with anyone saying it's for thugs - it may attract a few (there are plenty of other things that are OK but get a bad rap from attracting people for the wrong reasons, as well), but the majority of people who do martial arts are not doing it so they can beat other people up.
In my lessons we were told not to injure others or go looking for fights; the skills you learn for self defence are the last resort, and no two situations where you might even consider using them will be the same.

Being aware of what's going on around you, and getting away before anything can happen is usually the better course of action than fighting, when it's possible.

So many different issues here.
I agree with confused that there is something seriously wrong with a parent of a 1 yr old baby just itching to put that baby into an MMA class like it's a perfectly normal thing.
I'm not against martial arts at all - the vast majority teach incredible levels of discipline and are all about following the rules. I've never heard of MMA so can only go on what has been said on this thread about it.
So much of what you have said about him though, does suggest he needs to work on dealing with his upsetting childhood.

Learning martial arts, including MMA, is proven to help kids deal with their anger and everyday frustrations. I think yabvu to not let your dd at least try it.

you learn respect, control, determination ... many important things. It's also surprisingly safe.

Fuck me, I can think of about a million better ways of teaching my children those values than enrolling them in MMA.

OP martial arts are not for very young children. They need to understand they must not use their skills to harm others and you cannot trust a young child not to retaliate if another child upsets them. Just tell your DH to wait until your DD is older. When she is 3 he will most probably realise she is way too young.

She is 2 diagnosed with ADHD?

No place for her she needs to burn off steam Martial arts requires them to follow rules..

I don’t enjoy MMA but I loved judo and jiu Jitsu. I think traditional martial arts are great for kids. They’re actually more about not fighting than about fighting due to all the respect and ritual around the sport.
Surely MMA isn’t open to under 16s or maybe even under 18s? In which case I’d be saying your dd can try judo or karate or whatever and if she likes it then fine but if not also fine. At 18 it’ll be her decision anyway not yours.

My son in law did jujitsu from a very young age and now an adult has all sorts of back, neck and shoulder problems. I watched a demo once of all the kids doing it and the force some of them landed on the mats made me cringe.

Idon't its not like that at my dojo

There is a lot rule following in MMA, so beating the shit out of each other does not feature, and people who want to do that, would not be welcomed at my dojo.

FFS. He demonstrates no remorse for being the cause of a child being paralysed. To paraphrase your initial post 'they decided to play rugby therefore knew risk`? As part of school curriculum? Most schools have over the top H&S re contact sports, your OH must have really wanted to inflict some damage. Keep your kids out of it and I hope you encourage him to get more MMA fights. If he has the shit kicked out of him or is paralysed (not wishing that on anyone, even this twat), I'm sure you'll be on hand to be his 24/7 carer.

Just googled MMA and children and really shocked, that is found in countries abroad, China, Russia, Thailand. In the Dojo I go to, there isen't any fighting involving children, the classes are centred around a structured sylabus, it is up to the parents and kids if they want to take part in grading.

Idontdowindows my children attend MMA and they are categorically NOT beating the crap out of each other from four years old. Have you ever actually been to an MMA class?

Martial arts will teach people control and self-discipline. Worth it for these alone, but even more so if you think your DP will be egging or encourage your DD to pick fights when she grows up. It is not "violence" as such and should be the safer option I reckon.

DS did MMA from 10 and cage fighting from 13 until he got his black belt. The focus of the instructor was on the art of the sport and the students were told in no uncertain terms that if they used their skills outside the dojo or cage for any reason other than genuine self defence they would have their insurance withdrawn and no longer be welcome at the dojo. There were classes for very tiny children aged 2 and up, but they were all about the patterns and moves individually, no fighting each other but demonstrating techniques only. Each class ended with a game of dodge ball or duck duck goose. MMA if done in accordance with the original ethos is no different to any other martial art, it is just a discipline that takes parts from more than one martial art such as judo, aikido, tang soo do, karate etc with an element of boxing and wrestling.