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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reaction to 'My Housemates think you're rude'.

98 replies

Singlesoda · 29/04/2018 10:35

My housemates really aren't a fan of my boyfriend but they've only met him briefly when he apparently acted self-entitled, didn't clean up his mess and was very rude.

Once I had planned to go out for dinner with him but when he came over I had a serious house issue which he just left after 30 minutes as 'he didn't drive all that way to be sitting around'. Housemates think he's an absolute tosser for doing this and couldn't believe he made such a song and dance out of it.

A few days ago we had a chat about everything to do with our relationship and where we're at. It came up that my housemates dont like him.

What reaction would you have to being told that friends/housemates dont like you?

I don't know if I'm over thinking things.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 29/04/2018 10:37

It would concern me, as he seems to see them as competition for my attention.

FrancisUnderwood · 29/04/2018 10:37

Sounds like you care what his reaction is.

That's your first mistake.

RochelleGoyle · 29/04/2018 10:38

Well I wouldn't want to spend time somewhere that I knew I was disliked. But if he likes you, maybe he needs to make an effort with your housemates. However, you don't sound too happy about the way he's behaving either and that's the more important issue. He doesn't sound great from what you've said...

pinkyredrose · 29/04/2018 10:39

I'd listen to them. One person not liking him is ok. Multiple people not liking him, well there's a reason for that. He sounds like an arrogant tosser to me but hey I don't know him, you do. What do YOU think of the reasons they don't like him?

RomeoBunny · 29/04/2018 10:39

He's an arrogant rude prick OP. Get shut.

Secretsquirrel252 · 29/04/2018 10:39

How does he treat serving staff in restaurants, shop assistants etc?

FASH84 · 29/04/2018 10:40

He sounds like a bit of a dick. 'i didn't come round here for this' no you didn't but your partner has something that needs sorting out, go watch TV offer to make everyone a cuppa etc, don't just go home, or at least say 'i can see you've got stuff going on would it be easier for you if I want here'. Also he really should tidy up after himself.

ijustwannadance · 29/04/2018 10:41

Going by what you have written, I think your housemates are right.

VioletCharlotte · 29/04/2018 10:43

He sounds like a dick.I would listen to your housemates. Anyone decent would go out of their way to make a good impression the first time they came to someone's home.

Sparklesocks · 29/04/2018 10:45

I would be incredibly annoyed if a housemate’s partner came by and didn’t tidy up after himself. Am I his maid??

I think you need to look at their reasons for disliking him, if you agree with them, why are you with him? You haven’t painted a picture of a caring, supportive partner.

PetulantPolecat · 29/04/2018 10:50

What reaction did he have?

If it was me, I wouldn’t feel comfortable or welcome hanging out or spending the night in your home and tell you from now on, we either go out or head back to mine (and take turns cooking/ordering in)

Original poster
Singlesoda · 29/04/2018 11:00

Thanks for all the replies.

Sorry to drip feed but the day he left a mess/was really rude to a housemate we had just had an argument so understandably wasn't in the best mood.

The day he just left before we had dinner they were right to be pissed off too.

When we're alone we get on really well and he's a good guy. But as we've only been together for a couple of months he's not ready to meet family/friends.

His reaction to me saying that my housemates don't like him is that he 'couldnt give a flying f@#k what they think, nor is he going to sleep over it. He's also said that twice so he really means it.

OP posts:
Montisse · 29/04/2018 11:03

He sounds horrible

Queenofthestress · 29/04/2018 11:04

That would be my reaction too to be honest, I couldn't give a toss what dp's friends think of me, only what he thinks of me

ZoeWashburne · 29/04/2018 11:04

Honestly, he sounds like a dick.

Everyone has been in a bad mood. Everyone has been rude at some point. But the best relationships are when you can acknowledge that you were behaving badly and apologise. He could have said later "I know I was rude, and Im sorry" but instead he is doubling down on his behaviour.

That doesn't bode well for long-term. Having a successful relationship isn't just being with someone you like, its being with someone who is self-aware.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 29/04/2018 11:05

Oh god. Dump him. He sounds like a Mardy arsed tosspot.

Lizzie48 · 29/04/2018 11:05

Very entitled behaviour, I would have been mortified in your shoes. It doesn't sound like he's a keeper at all, OP. My DH would have got stuck into helping in that scenario, storming off is really childish. And leaving a mess behind him was also very poor. Your housemates are right, he's a tosser. Hmm

CoffeAndCream · 29/04/2018 11:05

He sounds selfish and arrogant. Do you really want to be with someone who acts like this?

ZoeWashburne · 29/04/2018 11:06

Also, what does that mean that you have been together for a couple of MONTHS and he isn't ready to meet your friends? That is utterly strange.

Did he actually say this?

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2018 11:07

To be honest, I don't think I'd give a flying fuck either if a relatively new and casual partners housemates didn't like me. These people are irrelevant and he doesn't know them.

Why do you think it should bother him?

Juells · 29/04/2018 11:08

You'd had an argument, so it was OK to leave his mess and be rude to people who weren't involved in that argument. 😅 Oh, he's a keeper all right 😅

harriethoyle · 29/04/2018 11:08

Same @queenofthestress.

OP it's one thing for you to say to him "i didn't like it when you did X Y Z". Quite another for it to be "my flatmates don't like it when..."

If you have an issue with his behaviour , tackle it directly. I can understand why he doesn't give two hoots about randoms that chance has brought him in to contact with.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 29/04/2018 11:09

He sounds like a dick.

Stop making excuses for him

RandomAccess · 29/04/2018 11:09

To be honest, I don't think I'd give a flying fuck either if a relatively new and casual partners housemates didn't like me. These people are irrelevant and he doesn't know them.

Agreed.

Joanna57 · 29/04/2018 11:09

I'm trying to work out why on earth this is a problem?

They don't like him and he doesn't care.

He doesn't like them and they don't care.

I quite like the sound of your boyfriend. Your housemates sound like the 'entitled' ones.

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