@hdh747, yes thank u. I think this is what was happening yesterday. I was typing what I thought was perfectly clear updates (never a good idea on 3-4 hours sleep) but it was being read differently and towards the end I just kept thinking to myself, "am I cracking up? That is NOT what I said or meant". It is so hard some times to communicate over the internet as they are just emotionless words, open to interruptation by the reader.
YES I do have on going issues with 'sexuality' if that's the right word. I have a much higher sex drive than dh however I have no confidence in the bedroom, so I won't ask if he's up for it, or try too hard to seduce him etc. I get myself so worked up about stupid shit, that I go with the flow as it were. There's a couple of things that I'm not able to experience with DH and dhs all 'I don't care, I don't need us to do xyz' etc but I have a massive issue with it because I want to be able to experience those things.
I don't mind talking about the things regarding my 'issues', I just find it hard as outside my dh I've never discussed details with 'non-professionals' as I find even just the edited version brings certain assumptions that frankly piss me off.
xx
@Phaedras, not at all. I was way too tired yesterday to think clearly and was sarcastic so it's me who should apologise as I know that can be construed as aggression.
He's honestly not controlling, I don't think he even knows how. There are only 2 things I have ever heard him say that could possibly be heard as controlling by an outside party, 1 was "I really don't like that top on u anymore", and in fairness when I caught a glimpse of myself in the shop window, I was horrified, I'd just lost alot of weight (3stone) and it was hanging off me and the 2nd was when we'd been living together about 4 months and he woke me up one afternoon, told me to get dress and dragged me to the gp surgery after I'd accused him of all sorts the night before, raised my hand to slap him and then ripped open some stitches.
xx
@deadringer, you right it is not normal and was totally out of character for him. He is a very touchy feely person (we both are) and it is very rare that we are within reaching distance and NOT touching in some way (ie holding hands, cuddling, even just legs or arms touching). Something is going on with him and I believe him when he says for some reason he is exhausted all the time. He has since admitted to me that he's experiencing some other symptoms as well, nothing really concerning but I really do think he probably has low levels of iron or b12, maybe both. He should hear back from the surgery tomorrow with results so we shall see. I've told him there's nothing wrong with saying "not right now, I'm knackered/got a headache" etc, whether that be to me OR to the dc, I understand he wants to play with them and chase them round the park and doesn't want to 'disappoint' me (I think he's worried I'm gunna start seeing him as an old man or something), but that the kids will survive having to wait a day or 2 for the park and I'll survive not having sex everyday but he can't carry on burning the candle at both ends and he might not survive it if he keeps trying to!
We are still going to go relationship therapy and I'm going to carry on with my help, he's going to do the RT with me and has said he will do solo therapy if the RT thinks he could benefit he thinks he'll be able to air his fears, frustrustrations, trust issues, etc and get insight into why he feels that way and how to manage those feelings without it eating him up, (he's a bottler).
Ive had to make a appointment with the GP for something tomorrow so will bring up these vag contractions/spasms/twitches/thingswithnoname and see what she says. Dh gonna come with but stay outside unless I need him to come in.
Anyway, sorry I am rambling again. I wonder if the doctor can sort verbal diahrrea lol.
xxx