To not want DD 13 to watch inappropriate films?

[CornyCollins]

DD has just messaged me from a sleepover to say they’re about to watch a 15 rated film that I think is quite inappropriate.
I’v always been quite careful with what they watch at home but she has seen one or two 15 rated things but only after I watched them first and decided they were ok for her to see.

She hasn’t seen this film before and I would rather she didn’t. But I don’t want to embarrass her at the sleepover.
I texted back to say I would rather she didn’t watch it and that it’s quite late & perhaps she can just get some sleep but am quite pissed off at the parents who are letting the girls watch this stuff.

I would never just assume it was ok to put a 15 film on for a group of 12/13 year olds without checking with the parents!? AIBU?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=t1WWDBTda2Y

For this scene I can completely understand why you’d be in two minds about a 12 year old watching it. Crispbutty clearly has encountered some pretty jaded 6 year olds.

But you said the parents don't know what they're watching, so how can you blame them? Also, I'd rather my daughter watch Kingsman than the Kardashians, which seems to have a huge teen girl following. Yabu.

watched kingsman with my ds when he was 12. We both enjoyed it.

I don't censor anything that my dc watch. We have Netflix and prime.

I am quite comfortable discussing content of films with them. I wouldn't ban them from watching anything

@uggmum this is clearly a different situation. In your own home with discussion of the content. You know what your children will enjoy. OPs child has made it clear she's not comfortable watching the film.

Sorry! I didn't mean the film was sweet!!! (Re read my post and realise how that's come across!!!) It's more that two 13 yr olds were being a (little) bit rebellious and pushing boundaries by watching a 15 on the iPad! That was sweet! It's not like they were smoking dope and canning back the ciders! Or smoking and drinking in the park! (like I did at 13 !!) they sound naive and sweet girls!

I've not seen Kingsman but I think I will after this thread. Sounds like I'd enjoy it.

Like other posters, I was 11 in 1991 and it seemed to be a craze for parents to rent 18 rated movies for birthday sleepovers. I saw Nightmare On Elm Street 4, Terminator 2 and Child's Play 2 at 11 years old. They did stick with me but more in a thrilling way than trauma, particularly Child's Play. I never looked at my cuddly toys the same way again!

The parents had to be involved then because they had to get them from the rental shop! I told my parents because it wasn't a secret. They rolled their eyes but didn't cause a fuss and didn't reciprocate at my party. We were last people on the planet to get a VCR... Don't think we had one until I was about 12.

I still love thrillers today and don't think it caused me lasting damage. I would automatically assume a 15 was okay for a 13 year old. It's a Hollywood movie and she's old enough to understand context and not imitate. I doubt she's telling you the truth about not watching it.

I wonder how it was she texted you? Did she just say she's going to watch a movie called Kingsman and you went off on one or did she text because she was worried? If the latter, I think that's a bit odd and you've taught her to be scared and to worry.

15 film at 13 no issues here.

You’re sound like an overprotective fruit loop.

And as for kingsman it’s an ace film very funny don’t remember the bum sex reference at all.

when i was 13 i was watching 18s galore, i first saw trainspotting at that age, shes fine.

I had a friend like this when I was younger, would never watch anything rated over her age without crying and phoning her mum.
Surprise surprise she was never invited to any sleepovers.

I remember watching Thirteen and Wolf Creek on one sleepover when I was 13 😂 The Craft and Donnie Darko were our favourite sleepover movies at 11 or 12 and I must have seen Wayne’s World and 10 Things I Hate About You 100 times before I left primary school.

I kind of think you’re being ridiculous.

I went to the cinema to watch 8 mile when I was 13, and watched Ali G Indahouse at home. Oh and had see every episode of jackass 😳 I can assure you I am not damaged. If your daughter is sensible, can separate fiction from reality and is unlikely to inappropriately copy any of the dialogue or content then she will be fine.

We used to watch 18 rated horror films at sleepovers when I was around that age. It was half the fun watching stuff we weren’t supposed to, although my mum was pretty relaxed.

Obviously you can regulate what she watches with you, but I would relax a little on sleepovers. If your daughter chooses not to watch it because she doesn’t want to, that is one thing, but if she doesn’t watch it because she knows you won’t like it, that is something else. Kicking up a fuss will probably mean she just won’t be invited again. Better to talk to her about making her own judgements and how to deal with groups that may feel differently about things than she does.

Given the stuff I have heard around the playgrounds, I would be very surprised if your daughter hadn’t already heard of anal sex.

It is so difficult to make a judgement call for someone else's child. There are huge differences in maturity at that age.
My 13 year old has watched Kingsman and I was quite happy with that - but there are films I would not watch with her if there are graphic sexual scenes. As far as sleepovers go I'm sure she wouldn't phone me unless she was unhappy. If SHE didn't want to watch a film I would go and get her - just like I'd go and get her from any other situation SHE wasn't happy with. She knows she always has a choice and does not need to go along with peer pressure.
We were trying to persuade her to watch IT this week but she won't as she feels it may be too scary. She is prone to nightmares and I am happy that she is sensible enough to self regulate.
Did laugh a little at a 13 year old not knowing about anal sex, but only as we had that discussion over the dinner table when she was 10. She had sex ed at school and asked us how men do it when there are no vaginas involved. Cue open discussion. I would much rather be asked than them search the internet!

If you make a fuss the only person who will suffer is your dd. Teenage girls can be vicious.

I don’t think you should contact the parents. I think you should focus on praising your daughter. She removed herself from a situation she was uncomfortable with and didn’t bow to peer pressure.

I’m really surprised at all the posters basically saying your DD should have just watched it even though she clearly didn’t want to just because they all watched 18s at 11 or whatever. We should be raising our children to draw their own boundaries and be strong enough to say no to something even if everyone else is doing it. It doesn’t take much imagination to translate this skill into saying no to a friend who offers drugs or a boyfriend who wants to take explicit pictures.

I hope I can raise my children to speak up and stick to their guns if they don’t want to do something.

My dad used to sneak me in to the cinema at 13 to watch 15 rated movies. It was fun and I've grown up to be a pretty rounded young adult!

At 13 we were definitely watching horror films at sleepovers and I remember watching trainspotting at about that age too! I still love horror films to this day I think because I still feel like I'm being a bit naughty
It's really sad your dd had to leave the room at a sleepover because they were watching kingsman ffs! I really feel for your dd actually, she must have been really worried and it's not really a film that she should have been worried about seeing. I hope she doesn't get teased or anything because of it.
I also want to add that I am an age where we had fairly unregulated access to the internet from about 11/12 and I remember boys passing round porn on their phones etc. I doubt there's a single child at school who hasn't seen it and you cant stop them seeing things like that you can only teach them how to deal with it. I had a friend whose mum was very open and she talked to us about it, so we learnt essentially how unrealistic it is and how unfunny really watching porn was and were able to deal with it very well. It hasn't affected me long term, once I got over the novelty and hilarity of it at about 12 I 2as easily able to shut down anyone who wanted to watch it.

The only way to deal with porn in this day and age I think is to talk openly about it and take away the novelty/shock factor involved.

@LittleMonkeysWideAwake ha ha yes I get what you mean 😁