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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DD 13 to watch inappropriate films?

117 replies

CornyCollins · 28/04/2018 22:59

DD has just messaged me from a sleepover to say they’re about to watch a 15 rated film that I think is quite inappropriate.
I’v always been quite careful with what they watch at home but she has seen one or two 15 rated things but only after I watched them first and decided they were ok for her to see.

She hasn’t seen this film before and I would rather she didn’t. But I don’t want to embarrass her at the sleepover.
I texted back to say I would rather she didn’t watch it and that it’s quite late & perhaps she can just get some sleep but am quite pissed off at the parents who are letting the girls watch this stuff.

I would never just assume it was ok to put a 15 film on for a group of 12/13 year olds without checking with the parents!? AIBU?

OP posts:
TantricTwist · 29/04/2018 00:00

The fact that she's texting you from the sleepover would suggest she is scared of the thought of watching a scary movie and just wanted to hear your voice.

Surely most teenagers would not give their parents a heads up that they are about to watch something they might not be allowed to.

Unless she's so scared of you that she's terrified not to tell you in case you find out, which hopefully is not the case.

19lottie82 · 29/04/2018 00:01

Another vote for it’s quite strange that a 13 yo would message her parents from a sleepover to tell them her friends are about to put a 15 film on Confused

19lottie82 · 29/04/2018 00:03

scared of the thought of watching a scary movie

Kingsmen isn’t a scary movie, it’s more of an action / comedy.

LoveAGoodNameChange · 29/04/2018 00:03

Oh dear OP, sorry to be blunt but I think you need to unclench. The fact that she has text you is because she's worried you will find out and be cross with her. Your behaviour is affecting your child and she is anxious about it.
She is 13 and in a few years will be snogging boys and drinking white lightening... probably just as you were when you were a teenager.
I know it's hard, but you must let her grow up
Thanks

gluteustothemaximus · 29/04/2018 00:04

This is from common sense media:

Parents need to know that Kingsman: The Secret Service is a bold, though at times indulgently violent, action thriller that turns the James Bond genre on its head. It's funny, cheeky, and stylish, but it's also extremely brutal, with exploding heads, gory stabbings, shootings, and utter murderous mayhem (a scene of mass carnage inside a church is especially wince-inducing/stomach-turning). While the violence is presented in a stylized, almost cartoonish way, the sum total of it is likely to disturb some viewers. There's also swearing (including "fk," "st," and some racial/homophobic slurs), sexual innuendo, a gratuitously tasteless scene with a naked female bottom, and drinking. But there's also a smattering of advice about how to be an honorable person in a dishonorable time.

I wouldn’t be happy about it. And as for watching Saw, fecking hell, my 15 year old wouldn’t be watching that.

Amaried · 29/04/2018 00:05

Honestly you'll humiliate your daughter if you make a big deal of this because it will get out.
I'd just leave it and maybe keep her away from sleepovers for a few years till you are happier.

Quartz2208 · 29/04/2018 00:08

I remember watching my own private Idaho and point break at that age (Keane reeves obsession) at sleep overs the first makes the comment look tame

kingsman is normal to watch at that age it’s fine

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 29/04/2018 00:08

Gently - you are overreacting . This is a rite of passage and part of growing up . What they see and hear at school is a lot worse . If it was an 18 I would understand but I think a 15 is fine / really

It’s hard when they grow up faster than you would like . But impotent rage is an overreaction . Deep breathes and please listen to what people are saying and don’t make this into a drama as it really doesn’t need to be one . It’s not Hostel / thanks to god !

R2G · 29/04/2018 00:13

I think it's lovely your daughter is so honest with you and that between the two of you, in confidence away from her friends, you navigated a plan how to deal with it. I wouldn't bother the parents with it.. they've all agreed to watch a movie on the iPad, not much the parents could do about it, and might make them feel uncomfortable.

Original poster
CornyCollins · 29/04/2018 00:13

@Bunchofdaffodils - yep I have seen some parent guide websites, I find them really helpful!

To the folks calling me a loon, if I had some 12/13 year old girls sleeping over at my house I would at least assume enough responsibility to not allow a 15 rated movie to be played without checking with the other parents first, as a basic courtesy regardless of what I may or may not allow my child to watch at home.

DD is now in another room as she didn't want to watch the movie so I'm proud of how she handled it.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 29/04/2018 00:15

For your daughter's sake, please don't mention this to the parents. You'll become known as "that parent" and I'm pretty sure it'll lead to a decline in invitations for your DD. There are way worse things that can happen at a sleepover than watching a film two years ahead of the recommended age.

As an aside, if your daughter is anything like me, she'll fall asleep half way through this movie anyway as it is such a boring, unfunny load of tripe, so problem solved.

ves79 · 29/04/2018 00:15

I recently watched the Kingsman and kingsman 2 with my 7 year old sister and 10 year old brother! We all sat down as a family to watch it, and during the ‘rude’ scenes, we just cover their eyes. Not sure if there’s swearing in it, probably is, but nothing they haven’t heard before. My mum allows my sister to watch a lot of films, I mean my sisters favourite film of all time is dirty dancing and ghost (think she has a crush on Patrick Swayze). I think kingsman is fine, if they were watching a film like the wolf of Wall Street however, then yeah it would be inappropriate.

19lottie82 · 29/04/2018 00:21

“if I had some 12/13 year old girls sleeping over at my house I would at least assume enough responsibility to not allow a 15 rated movie to be “

You told us earlier one of the kids put it on their iPad and the parents don’t know they’re watching it?

19lottie82 · 29/04/2018 00:23

Sorry the full quote didn’t copy and paste in my post above

“ if I had some 12/13 year old girls sleeping over at my house I would at least assume enough responsibility to not allow a 15 rated movie to be played without checking with the other parents first, as a basic courtesy regardless of what I may or may not allow my child to watch at home.”

FrancisUnderwood · 29/04/2018 00:26

Your daughter went off into another room on her own at a sleepover to avoid watching a 15 rated film and text you to tell you this?

A) Aye. She's pulling your plonker.
B) If she did, god help her.

Batmanwearspants · 29/04/2018 00:28

complete overreaction

trust me we watched way worse when left unsupervised at sleepovers when I was 13

ReanimatedSGB · 29/04/2018 00:29

SOrry but FFS unclench. From what I know of this film, it's highly unlikely to give your DD nightmares. It won't hurt her if she hears a vaguely smutty line of dialogue, at the age of 13 - she'll have heard similar half-understood stuff at school as it is.
And please don't make your DD into the one who has to say 'But mummy doesn't like it' to everything her peers are doing. Teach her strength and confidence and critical thinking, and ethics - but don't teach her to be frightened of fiction or of 'naughty' words.

LovingLola · 29/04/2018 00:34

So what else might they start watching on the iPad?

19lottie82 · 29/04/2018 00:39

So what else might they start watching on
the iPad?

The possibilities are a bit scary, but if all they are watching is the Kingsmen I wouldn’t be too worried. You can’t remove all technology from teens and police their everymove unfortunately.

FrancisUnderwood · 29/04/2018 00:39

Is this virtue signalling?

'My DD is at a sleepover and the bad children want to watch a 15 film even though they're 13 so my DD removed herself from the arena of filth and spent the evening in another room texting me instead'

Hmm
angryburd · 29/04/2018 00:41

I don't think you'll need to worry about her going to sleepovers in the future somehow...

LovingLola · 29/04/2018 00:44

You can’t remove all technology from teens and police their everymove unfortunately.

Hopefully attitudes are starting to change and more parents will realise that technology is seriously damaging to children and young teenagers. And that supervision of tech at nighttime is essential. Especially when other children are staying over.

Greenyogagirl · 29/04/2018 00:45

Yanbu a lot of people on common sense media are saying it should be an 18. You must be really proud of her confidence to stand up to her friends

DamsonOnThisDress · 29/04/2018 00:53

Don't speak to the other parent - your daughter won't thank you for it. I see your point but do think you are over-reacting.

I understand that you like to screen what she watches and there's things you'd rather she not see - fair enough - but it's a sleepover so can you not let it go on this occasion? Watching the odd inappropriate scene with friends isn't going to harm her. It's not a regular thing.

Pretty sure my DD13 would be more affected by my apparent disapproval and me getting het up about it than she would an inappropriate scene in 15 movie.

Now she's at this age I do find I'm relaxing and letting things like that slide at times. I'd rather she relax and enjoy her time with friends rather than worry about me getting my undies in a bunch because things are different in our house.

Try and keep it in perspective. She's not in grave danger. Except perhaps of embarrassment.

19lottie82 · 29/04/2018 00:54

a lot of people on common sense media are saying it should be an 18

Really....... it’s not that bad. I wouldn’t have any qualms in letting my 13 yo DSD watching it. Most of the violence in it is comedy king fu ect and a there’s a few smutty innuendos....... that’s about it.