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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want DD 13 to watch inappropriate films?

117 replies

CornyCollins · 28/04/2018 22:59

DD has just messaged me from a sleepover to say they’re about to watch a 15 rated film that I think is quite inappropriate.
I’v always been quite careful with what they watch at home but she has seen one or two 15 rated things but only after I watched them first and decided they were ok for her to see.

She hasn’t seen this film before and I would rather she didn’t. But I don’t want to embarrass her at the sleepover.
I texted back to say I would rather she didn’t watch it and that it’s quite late & perhaps she can just get some sleep but am quite pissed off at the parents who are letting the girls watch this stuff.

I would never just assume it was ok to put a 15 film on for a group of 12/13 year olds without checking with the parents!? AIBU?

OP posts:

lynmilne65 · 29/04/2018 06:56

Colin Fry its awesome

MaverickSnoopy · 29/04/2018 06:56

Surely people should respect that others have different boundaries to themselves?! Someone who agrees with a films certification is not being peculiar or out of touch.

I love Kingsman but I don't think it's appropriate for a a 13yo. Perhaps an older 14 year old/nearly 15 year old. I always bear ratings in mind although mainly use common sense media as my guide but I always check the film out myself first.

The first thing I thought when you said your dd text you was what an open and close relationship you must have. Not that she was scared of you finding out. Perhaps she's just an honest girl and it doesn't sit comfortably with her. Admirable I think.

I would talk to the parents but in a heads up type way. I would just say that your daughter text because she didn't want to watch the film but was out voted and she didn't feel comfortable going to tell the parents or standing up to her friends. That you're not cross as you understand teenagers are teenagers but that you wanted to let them know what happened. They might even be on the same page and would talk to their daughter but equally even if they don't mind her watching it they would likely have a conversation about respecting other people's boundaries.

lily2403 · 29/04/2018 06:56

**Your daughter went off into another room on her own at a sleepover to avoid watching a 15 rated film and text you to tell you this?

A) Aye. She's pulling your plonker.
B) If she did, god help her.

👆🏻 Totally agree

elderflowerandrose · 29/04/2018 07:08

We had a similar problem on sleepovers (my dd is the same age) and my dd spoke to me afterwards about feeling compromised by some of the content and being uncomfortable.

We agreed that when that happens she will just spend time on her phone playing games, messaging other friends and not watching it. If all the girls have agreed on a film, then go with it, but she can tune out and do something else. No need to make it a big thing or call the parents.

I am always surprised that some parents let their dc watch anything. Personally I think it is great that you have such a close relationship that she feels she can text you and tell you things and isn't freezing you out as some teens do, and secondly that care for her and what she is watching. Some of those films would give me nightmares for months and I am 44!! :)

coffeecupofmilk · 29/04/2018 07:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhiskeySourpuss · 29/04/2018 07:11

YABU OP I watched IT at a sleepover when I was 11 then spent the next 27 years traumatised by it watched it recently & it was a load of shite so I completely understand your concerns... however as it's Kingsman they're watching & not something like The Last House on the Left another gem I was introduced to at a sleepover I can't see that there'll be any long lasting trauma.

Please do not speak to the parents not only will you embarrass your own child & limit her future social life but there's every chance you'll get the friend into trouble if her parents share your views & that would be social suicide murder for your daughter as the friend will be the cool rebel & your DD will be forever known as a drippy drawers who went crying to her mummy!

saoirse31 · 29/04/2018 07:13

Have to say when I saw what film it was I assumed you were joking op. I think you are being completely unreasonable about this.

I also think your reaction is worryingly typical of a lot of parents today in terms of wanting to control everything their DC see or read or hear ... I think you need to let her grow up, and move from not letting her know of anything vaguely unpleasant or inappropriate to letting her discuss anything and everything with you.

saoirse31 · 29/04/2018 07:16

That should be ' anything you consider vaguely unpleasant...' etc

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 29/04/2018 07:17

YANBU. I'd have asked the parents' permission first. DD 10 watches 12s, as I find the 12 certificate quite arbitrary, but I wouldn't put a 12 on for her friends without checking with their parents first.

cansu · 29/04/2018 07:18

Agree that rather than focus on complaining to parents about this which wont help and will probably lead to teasing you need to start discussing stuff with your dd so she can cope with the odd sexual reference in a film. You seem v upset about the reference to anal sex. Why not just talj about it if she even notices the comment.

MrsG841 · 29/04/2018 07:22

Not being funny she has probably heard worse things on a daily basis in a secondary school... Your overreacting massively

Addictedtohavingbabies · 29/04/2018 07:24

I think you are over the top, sorry. Yes it might have some inappropriate references in the film, but it doesn't mean she's going to rush out and repeat the behaviour. And do you really think you can shelter her from everything when you're not around? She's probably heard much worse.
She's 13, and it's a 15 film, not an 18, so let her grow up a little.

Iceweasel · 29/04/2018 07:25

My 11 year old usually only watches films to a 12A, but has seen Kingsman: the secret service, and I will be letting him I watch Kingsman: the golden circle, now I have been reminded (wanted to see it when it was at the cinema but was too young). Most 15 rated films he would judge as unsuitable himself and not want to see but Kingsman he was fine with.

Ikeameatballs · 29/04/2018 07:30

Kingsman is a funny action movie, not a horror or porn. For decades children of that age have pushed the boundaries of what they are allowed to do and this a fairly mild rebellion. I think that you need to give your daughter some better strategies on how to cope in this type of situation.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 29/04/2018 07:31

technology is seriously damaging to children

Unfortunately, they'll need to be able to use it proficiently to get almost any job. You can't keep your child in a bubble forever.

LittleMonkeysWideAwake · 29/04/2018 07:32

When I was 11, it was a craze to have horror films at sleepovers! 18s and 15s!! I do regret watching polterguist at 11 as it had a lasting negative effect! I think it was the mirrors thing! But the others were all fine!

At 13, watching kingsman on a tablet is sweet and lightweight, and really won't do any harm!!!

(You sound pretty strict to me OP)

pilates · 29/04/2018 07:39

Op, you’re overreacting and please do not speak to the girl’s mum. Your daughter will be ridiculed and probably not invited again.

LittleMonkeysWideAwake · 29/04/2018 07:41

WhiskySourPuss - I wonder if we went to the same sleepovers! We're the same age! Or maybe it was just a really stupid craze of the early 90s!?

stoneagemum · 29/04/2018 07:41

When it's human centipede they are trying to watch I'm with you on the censorship

pennyisafreeloader · 29/04/2018 07:44

I don't think you are over reacting. Yes Kingsman is hilarious but it is also gratuitously violent! Same reason I wouldn't let my then 13 yo watch Deadpool.

Not all 13 yo have the same level of maturity and what some can handle, others will be traumatised by. I agree that the hosting parents should have checked before allowing it.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 29/04/2018 07:45

I've led such a sheltered life. I'd never heard of anal sex until I actually did it in my 20s.

uggmum · 29/04/2018 07:46

I watched kingsman with my ds when he was 12. We both enjoyed it.

I don't censor anything that my dc watch. We have Netflix and prime.

I am quite comfortable discussing content of films with them. I wouldn't ban them from watching anything

pennyisafreeloader · 29/04/2018 07:49

"At 13, watching kingsman on a tablet is sweet and lightweight, and really won't do any harm!!! "

@LittleMonkeysWideAwake really?? You think this is sweet and lightweight?

icelollycraving · 29/04/2018 07:49

I haven’t seen this film so can’t judge how suitable it is.
You’d be v foolish to call the parents. They will either think you’re totally over protective or it’ll get their dd into trouble. Either way, you will be killing that friendship and opening your dd up to getting teased or ostracised.
Most 13 year olds would keep their mouths shut and not be taking themselves into a different room at a sleepover. Is that because you are extremely strict?

RhurbabAndCustard · 29/04/2018 07:51

Our rules apply at home. If he does elsewhere he abides by their rules. I wouldn't text another parent about age ratings for films. You are going to look rather odd and your poor child will be teased

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