Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS go to theme park

226 replies

fleaflyflo · 27/04/2018 20:45

Need some perspective on this please...

DS (12) due to go to a large 'attraction' tomorrow with a group of 6 friends for a 13th birthday treat. I was always under the impression that both parents were going in with them, however With less than 12 hours before they set off it appears that one parent is staying at home and whilst the other (flaky) parent will drive them, is not actually going in.

I am furious that
A) they didn't run it passed us
B) they would even consider leaving other people's children alone.

One of the mums's has already said her DS won't be going but DH thinks i am totally overacting.

For perspective we all live in a small rural village and just going into the local town independently is a big deal, let alone a huge theme park.

OP posts:
Peanutbuttercups21 · 28/04/2018 08:33

Actuall ALL Those things are plucked from real life

steppemum · 28/04/2018 08:51

I agree with peanutbuttercups.

All those things could happen and it would still be ok for them to go.

The independance thing is not about can they cope for 5 minutes and have someone to come to when it goes wrong, that is what you do with 9/10 year olds. It is about working out for yourself what to do when it goes wrong. Who do you go to, who do you tell, who do you phone.
Theme parks are a good place to do this because every single park attendant is a potential help in a crisis, so they are 5 seconds away from help - go up to someone and say - help I'm lost/lost my group /there's a weird man in the loo etc.

So, if they lost their friend and lost their phone and had a bad day - umm, so what? A bad day isn't the end of the world. Then you can say - what else could you have done? Lesson learnt.
We do tend to think that the best and correct solution is that everyone is happy. Well, not always, sometimes a negative experince is very helpful for growing up. (and just to be clear I am talking about getting lost, not getting hurt)

smartiecake · 28/04/2018 08:51

I hope you let him go OP. My son is in yr8 and last year he went to alton towers with his school and went round all day with some friends - all ages 11/12. They had a great time and are going again this year. They will be fine. Theme parks are busy places - loads of people around and staff. They will be fine.

Original poster
fleaflyflo · 28/04/2018 09:08

Update... the mum sent out a message early this morning saying she would go in with them.

All but one of the boys are going. I don't expect her to follow them around, nor micro manage their day. Just knowing she is on site gives me the required comfort factor and so happy to pack DS off.

Thanks for everyone's views; clearly a big divide in opinion!

OP posts:
Happygummibear · 28/04/2018 09:22

Glad it's sorted and your lad gets to have a fun day.

I think the big difference between school and personal outings is with school there are multiple adults. So if something does happen the child has someone to go to.and if they get separated from their group of friends they normally see someone else they know and tag on.

With a small group. If this is the first time a child is doing this on their "own" they are relying on the few friends they are with..and not all friends are reliable.

I distinctly remember going to the cinema with a "friend" i was about 13. She bought some boys who were very nasty. I was in the city but luckily she lived around the corner from my uncle so i went there. If I didn't have an adult nearby I would have been stuck and terrified. That lesson has stayed with me for my entire life.

What the posters here don't realise is that every child is different. Every group of friends are different and every scenario is different.

I am glad the parent has realised that they are responsible for other people's children and therefore can not just treat them like they would their own.

Charlie97 · 28/04/2018 09:40

Glad it's been resolved, shame for the one left that can't go!

Original poster
fleaflyflo · 28/04/2018 10:07

Yes it is a shame but we all have our own way of parenting and I understand their reasons

OP posts:
Whereismumhiding2 · 28/04/2018 10:20

@Happygummibear Makes the point that the half of us (whom were in agreement with OP) did, but far clearer.

I have 2 independent nearly 14 & 15 y.o. DCs (as well as younger one), who aren't in least bit snowflake. I don't hovver parent, but I do ...parent!! 12 is on cusp of being young still/getting maturer, exactly as above point makes in that scenario- to be left for 8 hours in a small group of boys (birthday boy's friends so maybe some OP doesn't know & we don't know dynamics of that group), with no friendly adult who has time just for them, that they can check in with. OP didn't ask an adult follows them round watching their every move, but that adult was in the park somewhere whilst they go off getting their independence. That's what organised scout and school trips do - & they're not allowed to send just one teacher alone who (still stays on site!!) with a Yr8 group! If they were... they would, cos that'd make very easy school trips, wouldnt it?! Grin

Glad the birthday boy mum changed her mind OP, it sounds like a few of the other parents or friends spoke to her!

Checklist · 28/04/2018 10:25

DH travelled all over the country, train spotting with friends from age 11. I was certainly catching the bus into town with friends at the same age!

DS announced when he was 17, that he was going round Europe for a month on Inter-Rail, paid for by himself! That is only 5 years time, from where you are now OP? Isn't it best to prepare them for independence, by loosening the reins a bit?

Whereismumhiding2 · 28/04/2018 10:27

I would have no problems with my 15 yo DS in that scenario and probably my nearly 14 to Yr9 DD, but it'd depend on who the other girls in group she was going with, whether they were as equally mature as my DD is. (She gets fed up of a couple of her friends in one of her friendship circles who despite agreeing to stick together with the others have a tendency to storm off ala dramallamas). I would be there on site, for 11-12 &12-13 yo.s tho.

Aragog · 28/04/2018 10:41

but equally like others have have said why not just sit in a cafe and read etc

Cost? There isn't a cheap ticket for non riders.

Schools allow children to go round theme parks without an adult. Yes, they are in the park but not 'with them.'

How far away are the parents going to be?

I'd be happy for dd to go in alone, even at that age. She was actually a year or so older when she did with friends but simply as it's a long drive for us, and not much nearby. And I like rides ;)

But it's a fairly safe environment. Safer than catching a bus and wandering round town, or walking and hanging out at the park which most children are able and allowed to do at that age.

Whereismumhiding2 · 28/04/2018 10:47

To PP, She is loosening the reins, she didn't say adult had to hovver over them! Hmm She is preparing DS for independence. She's just not dropping her DS in it & reasonably expected arrangements to have been clear. There's enough of a split in views in this post that half of boys parents would have been unhappy.

Going into town with friends age 11 or 12 on bus (with their friends you know well) for a few hours, (they know how to get home again or can ring parent to get them), is very different to being dropped off at theme park 3 hours drive away for 8 hours.

Schools and scout leaders wouldn't do that on trips, they'd have meet up points in the site, every few hours.

Whilst people have different parenting styles, those exagorating that OP is stifling DC's future independence are being somewhat disingenuous. And missing OP's point. She's just being gradual and mindful that there's a huge growth in maturity between 12--14.

lifechangesforever · 28/04/2018 10:48

I think it's fine.. there's no point in an adult paying full price admission to just sit in a cafe all day. The kids all have mobiles I presume so they'll be able to call if there's issues (which I just don't see in a theme park).

Yes, they should have run it by you but would your opinion have changed? I think calling the other parent 'flaky' is quite rude too.

We went to flamingo land with school at 12 and we're allowed to go around without teachers, no phones then either, just an agreed meeting time.

rainbowstardrops · 28/04/2018 10:48

I'm glad the parent is now going in with them.
I'm sure they would have been absolutely fine but if I was 'in charge' of other people's children then I'd want to be present to ensure all was ok. Just in case. I also wouldn't be happy for my 13yr old DD to go with friends without an adult being in the park. Again .... just in case.
That way you're giving them the freedom to have a fun day out together but with a safety back up if they need it.
Each to their own I suppose.

iloveredwine · 28/04/2018 11:04

My 12 year old has just started going with his friends. They all have passes and are dropped off and picked up by various parents of the group. No issues yet!

crunchymint · 28/04/2018 11:05

Theme parks are safer for a group of kids alone, than going into town. Unlike town, there are a ton of staff about to help. Also anything that can go wrong is pretty minor. Apart from the very major rare things like a major accident on a ride, when an adult on site makes no difference.

GreenTulips · 28/04/2018 11:05

the mum sent out a message early this morning saying she would go in with them.

I hope you've chipped in to pay for her ticket and coffee - she's in for a long day

Aragog · 28/04/2018 12:13

Going into town with friends age 11 or 12 on bus (with their friends you know well) for a few hours, (they know how to get home again or can ring parent to get them), is very different to being dropped off at theme park 3 hours drive away for 8 hours.

I'd say in most cases the theme park is safer.

And the parent wasn't going to be 3 hours away - they were going shopping and to the cinema - both places where phone contact is possible - presumably a fair bit closer.

Oblomov18 · 28/04/2018 12:20

Ds1 regularly went to Thorpe Park with a big group, after school, in Y7.
I don't have a problem with what OP was objecting to.

Oblomov18 · 28/04/2018 12:23

On this thread there are 2 very clear 'camps'. Those that would. Those that wouldn't. I wonder what the reasoning behind each 'camp' is? Hmm

GreenTulips · 28/04/2018 12:46

One camp have raised their children to be resilient and know how and when to ask for help and to be calm in the event

The other camp haven't

Whereismumhiding2 · 28/04/2018 13:18

*One camp have raised their children to be resilient and know how and when to ask for help and to be calm in the event

The other camp haven't*

Twaddle. That's just a silly PP being disrespectful & rude to MN parents that disagree with their view, who have explained very nicely the subtlies of it.

If you'd RTFT you'd see many of us have very independent slightly older teenagers who are perfectly resilient (kinda shoots down your exagoration quickly!) , as well as younger ones. We simply have different parenting views around some differences between ages 12-14 which very much depend on context and individual DC but more importantly whose in the peer group at the time.

A PP exagorating to self righteously claim her choice is better, isn't healthy nor sensible debate. And it will invite equal exagoration from the other side of debate.

crunchymint · 28/04/2018 13:21

It is important though that children learn to deal with appropriate age related things that go wrong. That is building resilience.

Original poster
fleaflyflo · 28/04/2018 13:35

Totally agree Crunchy "learn to deal"
Not just chuck them at the deep end and let them sink or swim

OP posts:
crunchymint · 28/04/2018 13:37

But the things that can go wrong at an enclosed theme park are pretty minor. Lost bag, lost money, etc.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread