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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS go to theme park

226 replies

fleaflyflo · 27/04/2018 20:45

Need some perspective on this please...

DS (12) due to go to a large 'attraction' tomorrow with a group of 6 friends for a 13th birthday treat. I was always under the impression that both parents were going in with them, however With less than 12 hours before they set off it appears that one parent is staying at home and whilst the other (flaky) parent will drive them, is not actually going in.

I am furious that
A) they didn't run it passed us
B) they would even consider leaving other people's children alone.

One of the mums's has already said her DS won't be going but DH thinks i am totally overacting.

For perspective we all live in a small rural village and just going into the local town independently is a big deal, let alone a huge theme park.

OP posts:
Battleax · 28/04/2018 04:39

Sorry, I’d be going along myself. Probably I’d ring the family and tell them I was. Tell them there have been concerns.

What do you mean “tell them there have been concerns”? You’ll look like a complete loon.

Honestly, you have to take a gulp and get over this. Of course it’s a bit nerve wracking the first time they go off alone, but it’s age appropriate to let them and stunting to disallow it.

Mrscog · 28/04/2018 04:55

I think it’s fine - and if they get lost/have a mishap they’ll have to deal with it and suck it up. Experiential learning is very powerful!

I do think the parents should have explained Donner tgoigh, although you would be an arsehole to not let him go at this stage. It’s a low risk way of exploring independence.

Mylittleboopeep · 28/04/2018 05:05

Totally agree with Jessikita

We are constantly reminded of the "snowflakes" who can't cope with the world of work, the teacher who cried to his mum because his workload was too great and he had to leave teaching.

It is helicopter parents who are creating these problems by restricting our children and not allowing them space to develop.

Posters on here saying "what if one of them loses their wallet or bag etc"? Well they will have to learn to sort it out. Go to staff, explain etc. They are not babies are they?

Out of interest, what age do you consider "safe" to let your child out unsupervised in a theme park?

Mrscog · 28/04/2018 05:15

The other thing is all the other parents will still be on the end of a phone - there are very few problems which would require someone there. So if your DS has a problem surely he can just phone you or your DH for advice! Likewise all the other parents.

farangatang · 28/04/2018 05:16

They are 12 and 13 year olds who want to hang out together and have fun. In a theme park with loads of staff and insanely strict health and safety rules.
No doubt they all have mobile phones too.

YABU.

Tattybear16 · 28/04/2018 05:45

YABU will this be the first time your son has no parental supervision? Does he have health problems you need to worry about? Let him go and have a great time. At that age he should be enjoying himself and learning to be responsible. If you go, or stop him from going his mates will take the piss something terrible. Yes you’ll worry, but this is life with kids from when they’re born to when they move out. Let him learn and enjoy the experience, you’re not being fair to him, show him you trust him. Small rural village or not he’s growing up, enjoy the ride. Enjoy the experience of watching him develop and grow, just make sure he has contact information and money. Good luck.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 28/04/2018 05:52

Argh, just typed a long reply and lost it. The gist was, I'm one of five, two older sisters, two younger bros and I was often the 'responsible adult' for them and their friends to the extent I was roped in on all their schemes as a paid observer. I just let them get on with it and enjoyed the free holidays .

I gave them advice but also said they were under no obligation to take it (they never did), we're talking chaperoning to festivals, post GCSE hols abroad, all sorts, theme parks, days out, trips to cities,from about the age of 12 (I'm seven years older than my oldest bro).

They never listened to me,why would they? But no harm ever came to them. They were always fine.

You have to let go at some point.

Skittlesandbeer · 28/04/2018 05:57

battleax What do you mean “tell them there have been concerns”? You’ll look like a complete loon

Here’s what I mean: OP says that she and another parent (who has withdrawn her son from the event) have expressed concerns about there being no supervision. That’d be one third of the invitees, so far.

I’d think it’d be fairly normal to let the organiser know this. It’s true, so how does that make it loony?

purplelass · 28/04/2018 06:15

You do know there's plenty of adults who work at these places don't you? Tell the kids if they need anything to speak to someone in uniform, and stop worrying. My daughter has been going without a parent since year 7.

summerinthecountry · 28/04/2018 06:33

A reasonable age to me for a theme park alone would be late 13-14 age (teenagers) at 12 years old (still a child) some children lack the maturity to deal with emergencies alone.

It is also difficult to carry money and phones on the big rides.

I would imagine they will be fine, but for peace of mind I would want a parent there as a backstop to come to if there is a problem.

SM2132 · 28/04/2018 06:33

I wouldn't be too keen. I took my 13 year old and a friend a few weeks back and although it would have saved a lot of money for me not to go in- I just didn't feel right about it just in case.
I left them to their own devices, just asked them to meet me a couple of times to check in. Kept bumping into them anyway (in the queue for the rollercoaster that I thought I might as well take myself on!).
I would still let him go but get him to take a cheap mobile phone and ring him myself a couple of times to check in.

yikesanotherbooboo · 28/04/2018 06:35

A very similar situation happened to us a few years ago(12/13 year old boys and theme park) and several of the mothers pulled their sons out of the trip.
The organisers hadn't told us about parents not going as they didn't see a problem.
I was worried because DS hadn't done anything like it before without a grownup but decided to myself that he was ready to.i knew he wouldn't be drinking booze or taking drugs and that he was old enough to ask for help in an unforeseen emergency. They all had phones with them.
They also had to get there and back ( changing trains and bus).they had a great day and it was good for them to do it .. what can go wrong? Accidents occasionally happen but are not more likely to happen there than in the school playground . Most of us trust 12 year olds at home for an hour or two and to get to school alone. I was pleased I didn't let my rather illogical fears stop DS doing something that he really enjoyed and learned from.

Pleasebeafleabite · 28/04/2018 06:41

At 12/13 I think they’re old enough to do a theme park on their own

As a parent talk to them about what to do about list bags meeting up etc and prepare them

You seemv entrenched OP I hope you let him go

summerinthecountry · 28/04/2018 06:45

Given the huge range of opinion it is not really surprising that the friend's mother 'just assumed' it would be okay for them to go alone.

That said, we went to a few theme parks last summer with our dc and we were quite worried for the some of the teens there. Some were arguing and swearing really loudly, some boys were coming on to some girls in the queue for a big ride, a couple were drinking what looked to be cider. The atmosphere was not that great, hostile even, and if I am honest slightly intimidating especially for a twelve year old. I couldn't imagine leaving my dc there all day on their own.

There are some parents that are clearly happy with that and their children that have grown up in similar environments so they will be fine, other children will have had a different experience in life and may not enjoy it.

There is so much opportunity between 13-16 for independence at a level that is comfortable for both you and your ds.

My dd has lots of freedom she goes out a lot with her friends shopping, to the cinema, out running (she is 13) she is incredibly mature but I would not leave her in a theme park all day without an adult contact point.

ladymariner · 28/04/2018 06:50

Yabu. They're 12 years old, not 6, they'll love the independence. How are they ever going to learn to deal with things, find stuff out for themselves, if their mother is always nearby? It is scary when your child starts doing things on their own but its all part of growing up and learning. And its a theme park they're going to, not the back streets of LA!
I would also be a bit concerned about how pulling my ds out of the party would be viewed by the rest of the boys. You need to be careful he isn't viewed as a baby by them, and left out in the future.

AJPTaylor · 28/04/2018 06:52

But if you are 3 hrs away the birthday parent must be staying close by. The local town/shops?
I would want to have known before hand but if dc is happy i would let him go.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 28/04/2018 07:31

Really, let them do it. The last time I went to a theme-park I saw the well-known hellraiser Bob Flowerdew.

StickThatInYourPipe · 28/04/2018 07:36

I think it would depend on the theme park for me. Thorpe Park would be fine but Alton Towers would probably be a no. Tp is really quite small and there's no where to really wonder off to and get lost. AT is massive with lots of wooded areas etc so it depends which one to whether yabu or not.
No idea about Chessington as I cant remember what it's like

AthenaAshton · 28/04/2018 07:57

@charlie97 The one my 12 yo DD went to has that rule. Though as I think I said, I would have been perfectly happy for her and her friends to get the bus there (it’s an hour away, but there’s a bus that stops pretty near to it) and sort themselves out (including if there had been any problem). Same 12 yo managed to get herself to stay with relatives abroad unaccompanied, so a theme park is pretty small beer.

BellyBean · 28/04/2018 08:00

If there's reception at the cinema and the parent is prepared to pay to enter if there's a problem the kids can't solve themselves, I think I'd be ok with it.

It's the shock not knowing that was the plan I think that makes it seem more of a risk than it is.

AvoidingDM · 28/04/2018 08:03

What's the worry about kids wandering off??? They probably all have phones and will very quickly phone each other and quickly meet back up.

Let him go, remind them to stick together and to have a meeting point somewhere in case of the unlikely event of them being separated and phones failing.

Other than being separated I just don't get the concern. What else can go wrong?

Peanutbuttercups21 · 28/04/2018 08:24

As a mum of a y8, I'd let him.

I'd worry a bit quietly, but I'd let him

greenlynx · 28/04/2018 08:31

OP I think you are right to be concerned about it. At 12 independence and maturity differs a lot, also group dynamics could make things worse.
If it's not a familiar place, it will make a real difference to me.
I also didn't like that host parents didn't mention it to other parents beforehand. It sounds a big trip and at this age not all children would ready for this.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 28/04/2018 08:31

AvoidingDM, you must be one of those lucky people without imagination!

What could go wrong? Well...

They could get picked on by group of bigger kids who will call them "posho's" or "chavs" (or mysteriously both) and end up in an argument (fight)

One kid could lose his mates AND his phone and be upset/worried all day

They could act silly and behave dangerously in the attractions

They could be stung by a bee and be allergic, even if you did not know previously they were allergic

Weird alarming (drunk/high) grown ups intimidate them

Weird bloke showing his willy in the loos

Some of the above have happened to my teens (not all at the same time!).... but it's all life experience I guess

And I'd still let him go

nagynolonger · 28/04/2018 08:33

I would have no problem at 12. They will all have phones so will meet up if they get separated. It's not as if they are being left to roam around a city centre.

Our DC all went on school trips to Alton Towers at the end of year 7. teachers went too and were stationed at certain locations at certain times. DC had a list of phone numbers and instruction about where to go if they lost their phones. They were not supervised but left to get on with it. It was a big thing for the year 7s and a good reason not to get in detention etc. because 'naughty kids' didn't get to go.

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