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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DS go to theme park

226 replies

fleaflyflo · 27/04/2018 20:45

Need some perspective on this please...

DS (12) due to go to a large 'attraction' tomorrow with a group of 6 friends for a 13th birthday treat. I was always under the impression that both parents were going in with them, however With less than 12 hours before they set off it appears that one parent is staying at home and whilst the other (flaky) parent will drive them, is not actually going in.

I am furious that
A) they didn't run it passed us
B) they would even consider leaving other people's children alone.

One of the mums's has already said her DS won't be going but DH thinks i am totally overacting.

For perspective we all live in a small rural village and just going into the local town independently is a big deal, let alone a huge theme park.

OP posts:
Wintertime4 · 27/04/2018 23:24

Ok well I know there are different points of view, but there’s a ‘sure they’ll be fine, helps their independence’ which is just another way of saying that we can’t be bothered, even in the background, slack parenting.

And there’s a, well we want our kids to be more independent, but we are still there for them to make sure that the journey to independence isn’t just dumping them and driving off. Not telling other parents that’s what we will be doing. And not wanting to pay to get in.

I’d rather the more I still care enough to hang around style of parenting. I went with a load of parents to a theme park last year with 13 year old boys. They were lovely lads. Sensible mostly. We went in, had tea, let the boys do their own thing but check back with us.

One did wander off. Basically got lost after feeling cross with his mates who he thought had gone off on a ride without him. Got panicked as he thought he’d then lost his bag with his inhaler and mobile. He thought it was stolen. We had told him a few places we would be as the parents so he found us there and we sorted it.

My boy got a bit ill after a ride but nothing terrible. Just checked in with me and had something to eat then went back to his mates.

A couple got a bit silly and tried to skip queues and got told off.

So nothing serious, they are 13, but I’m glad I was there all the same and not a drive away.

But each to their own.

manicinsomniac · 27/04/2018 23:26

Depends on what you mean by 'flaky' - are they likely to drive dangerously? Forget to pick the boys up? Let their phone run flat?

If I trusted the adult, I'd be okay with the arrangement you describe, though I would prefer them to be onsite (or in the car park if they didn't want to pay).

I take a mixed age school trip (boarding school weekend visit) to Alton Towers every year. The 8-11 year olds are in groups with an adult and the 11-13 year olds are allowed to go on their own in groups of 3+. We aren't stationed in one place because we're with the younger children but they do have our mobile numbers and they meet us for lunch.

Nothing terrible has ever happened but we have been needed on site occasionally. The worst was when one idiotic child decided to steal something from one of the gift shops and the others phoned us in tears because the 'scary security guard dragged him off to the room behind the till'. That was seriously embarrassing and it did need one of us to be able to get to the shop very quickly.

Mylittleboopeep · 27/04/2018 23:31

Yes I can see that in OP's post she assumed both parents were going in with the group. Assuming the OP's child isn't paying then that would have made it ridiculously expensive for the parents hosting the trip.

Lots of children live in rural villages, but hey guess what? Those children will have to some day face the same things in life as city kids, college, university etc etc. The OP says that "even going into the local town independently is a big deal"

How are our children ever going to develop life skills, independence, thinking for themselves if they are hovered over constantly?

altiara · 27/04/2018 23:40

I did this recently with DD and 3 friends, i stayed in the cafe on site (until I got bored and went to find them). They are 11 nearly 12. Seeing how they behaved together as a small group definitely makes me think I could leave them there alone if we did it again. If she was different friends, then maybe I wouldn’t.

AjasLipstick · 27/04/2018 23:41

I did this as a girl guide aged 12 and we were all fine. Just speak to your DS about expected behaviour.

My ,main worry would be unsafe behaviour on or around big rides.

altiara · 27/04/2018 23:44

Although I had an annual pass so didn’t pay to get in, so preferred to stay than spend all day driving.

Leontine · 27/04/2018 23:50

In high school, we used to have yearly trips to Alton Towers. I would have been 11 during the first one. We were all just left to our own devices. Not sure if they've tightened up the rules now though as this was many years ago.

Lemoncurd · 27/04/2018 23:57

I let my eldest meet her friends at a local theme park when she was 12 (or possibly even 11 as she is August born), didn't think twice about it.

When we took our son and friends for his 11th birthday (he was the oldest), we didn't let them out of our sight.
I think it is one of those things where you know your child and their friends and make a judgement accordingly. The distance would make me a little nervous though.

MrsTommyBanks · 27/04/2018 23:58

I went in a school trip to a theme park at that age and only saw the adults on the coach.
I would be fine with any of my 3 DCs (now adults so have been through similar with all 3) going.

saoirse31 · 28/04/2018 00:02

Yabu, and if you were so concerned about supervision, why didn't you confirm with parents initially? Your poor ds , he's 12 not 7...

CreamTeaa · 28/04/2018 00:15

I don’t see a problem with it to be honest.

crunchymint · 28/04/2018 00:20

I have taken lots of groups of kids of all ages to Theme Parks. It possibly one of the safest places for a group of 12 year olds on their own. Staff are very helpful, because the park relies on it being a safe space for kids. And if there was an issue with a ride, parents or guardians would not be able to do anything anyway and would be physically kept away.
But if you are worried, tell your son he can go, but you will be close by and he has to ring you if there is any issue. But there won't be.

crunchymint · 28/04/2018 00:21

The exception would be if your DS can not be trusted. So if he was the kind of kid to stand up on rides he shouldn't, then don't let him go.

Arseface · 28/04/2018 00:24

Way safer in a theme park than in town.
As long as your DS has picking up parents’ number in his phone for emergencies, it’ll be fine.
Quite a good way to let them try out a bit of freedom.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/04/2018 00:26

My parents used to let us loose at Disneyland (CA) at aged 12 but one of them (usually Mum) was in the park. These days you must be 14 to enter the park without an adult.

12 isn't too young to be walking around most theme parks on their own, but I do feel it's too young to not have an adult within a few minutes of the park. At 12 they probably aren't mature enough to handle an emergency, such as a injury, lost ticket, or perhaps losing their spending money.

I find it very hard to believe that a parent is going to drive round trip 6 hours TWICE. You'd basically drive there, drive home, be home 2 hours then leave again. Does this parent perhaps have family/friends in the area to spend the day with?

Mylittleboopeep · 28/04/2018 00:35

The parent driving the trip is going to be at the cinema, which cannot be far from the theme park. No parent is going to do a 3 hour trip twice!!

Yes there could be an accident, lost wallet, lost bag/coat etc but goodness me, when are children ever going to be allowed to deal with things themselves? Your child could just as easily have an accident on a supervised school outing when teachers are NOT always on hand

Shen0102 · 28/04/2018 00:35

it all depends on the maturity of the child and the insecurity of the parent.

if the child is mature but the parent is insecure...then the child can't go

if the child is immature and the parent is secure then the child can't go as the parent can see that their child is not ready to be unsupervised in the park.

if the child is mature and the parent is secure too..then the child can go.

in this instance the OP is insecure and obviously the child is mature otherwise he'd have said he didn't want to go or he was scared to go etc.. therefore he can't go...

Jazzy11 · 28/04/2018 00:35

I did this at that age and I am 26 now so not toooo long ago is it? I think you know your child and his behaviour, what are his friends like? Do they act responsible? Contact the parents and make sure that one of them won't be too far away incase a problem occurs, make sure that each kid has a mobile phone number for the adult and they all have a safe meeting pont should anything go wrong. He will love it and be so upset if he can't go but all his friends are. Have faith OP Grin

crunchymint · 28/04/2018 00:42

It is a group, there will surely be at least some of them in the group able to hand situations like lost bag or money? Basically ask staff member. And if lost spending money, it really is not a big issue. They can still go on rides. Staff in these places will be around to help and can ring you as well remember.

BlankTimes · 28/04/2018 01:03

My worry would be
What if the kids fall out after a couple of hours and ostracise one kid who will be left to wander around on their own all day?

Would staff spot a kid who was on their own?

Stripyhoglets1 · 28/04/2018 01:51

I wouldn't have let my 12 yr old go with no parent nearby and in a group. Yanbu.

Jessikita · 28/04/2018 02:14

FFS how mollycoddled are children these days? They need freedom to mature, learn and grow. Now everyone has a mobile you’d think parents would be a bit more relaxed not so over protective. It’s a theme park, with cameras everywhere and only one way in and one way out. What could possibly happen? Safer there than say going into the local town.

AltheaorDonna · 28/04/2018 03:09

Bloody hell, he will be fine! I went on a school trip to London when I was nine, we were let off in Selfridges for two hours to go shopping! Now that was a bit crazy, but 12 year olds in a theme park will be absolutely fine.

Skittlesandbeer · 28/04/2018 03:43

Sorry, I’d be going along myself. Probably I’d ring the family and tell them I was. Tell them there have been concerns.

I’d do as other posters say, and sit on my iPad in a central spot. I’d expect a check-in from my kid, and tell him that these were my terms. Don’t agree? We don’t go.

The amount of money I was willing to spend on the present would likely take into account that I needed to pay entry for myself.

Don’t expect this view to be popular, though!

Battleax · 28/04/2018 04:34

There are staff if they “need assistance”. A theme park is a pretty controlled space and they are 12/13 (so Y8?). They’ll have to build independence at some point. When/where/how if not this?

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