To think if you can't spend the day with someone else's child, you're not ready to have your own?

[SabrinaHope]

Just what the title says...

Someone I know is starting to TTC, but she always says how hard it is when she looks after a 9 year old for the day or whatever and says "I couldn't have that all day".

YABU . There's no comparison between looking after someone else's DC and caring for your own.

A 9 year should be fairly easy to manage. A 3 year old, not so much!

I really enjoyed looking after my nephew as a baby - bloody hated looking after my own.

The responsibility issue is not to be overlooked. It can help people get through times they simply wouldn't if they didn't have to, but it can also be a crushing weight.

I struggle with other peoples' children but have endless patience with my own.

I keep forgettin because we are females we should have this maternal instinct where we love all children. We see the sun shining out of their arses because they are the best thing ever.

In reality. We think our newborns look like aliens but would rip anyone else’s head off for suggesting this. Tolerate our own some days beciase well, they can be annoying. And the thought of spending 5 minutes alone with other people’s kids has us reaching for the wine bottle quicker than you can say Waitrose 😂

God I hope not! No kids yet but I once "babysat" a 9yr old and 6 year old during the days for a couple of weeks over the summer, and it was knackering! I used to come home at 6 and just collapse!

Don't think I'd ever spent a day with a child before I had my own. Had no interest in children, thought they were annoying. Absolutely ADORE my own children and have successfully raised them to almost adulthood and have completely changed my views on children generally.

So, yes you are BU SabrinaHope

Definitely not. I have a kid and still hate other peoples and wouldn't want to spend the day with them.

Don't be daft. I was quite happy looking after other people's kids for a few hours. Bloody rubbish at my own ones though. There is no correlation.

I’ve never liked children under the age of around 11 (why I became a secondary school teacher). I love my own child and nieces/nephews. I still don’t like other people’s children and I find even my own rather grating after two weeks of school holidays. Doesn’t mean I don’t love and look after my own child well.

YABU. I hate looking after other people's DC. I'm fine with my own.

YABU - it's completely different. I love living with my husband, I've lived with him for over twenty years - we have a rhythm in the house, in our lives, we know each other inside out. I couldn't live with any other person - I couldn't live with my sister, my mum, my best friend. Kids are the same - you know your own inside and out. Being a parent isn't the same as spending time with another child. Doesn't mean you don't like or love the other child it's just different.

YABU. I don't really like other people's children. If I get on with the parents I'm more likely to find the children less annoying.

Love my own though.

I don't much like other people's children but I absolutely love mine to pieces.

Having your own child is a completely different ball game.

No. I longed to be a mum and becoming one has been even better than I dreamt it would be! However I have never had any interest in other people's babies or children whatsoever!

YABU

Before I had DD I had never held a baby, changed a nappy etc. I had babysat for neighbours a couple of times when I was 15, not all day but for a few hours. The kids ages from 3-5 and that was fine as I was still happy to play/colour/talk cartoons with them. Not great with the discipline aspect at that age but it wasn’t really needed as they were happy to play and it was I rlly for a couple of hours at a time.

DD is 8 (nearly 9) and I find it very stressful when she has friends round and I am clock watching. The kids are nice enough but it’s different as they have grown up with different rules, structure etc.

My nephews are ok and I can cope because they are family and I am used to them. The eldest is 9, almost 10 and personality wise very similar to DD so I find him very easy to watch. The younger 2 (5&3) not so much. They are both very boisterous / rough and tumble and constantly on the go and I don’t like watching them so much. They both need constant interaction or will break things/ bite each other etc. They are also not great with eating.

My other niece (4) is actually delightful to watch and very well behaved but extremely chatty, I forget how many questions a 4 year old can ask in a day!

I like my own child - not so keen on anyone else's. I struggle to look after other peoples kids for more than a few hours without wanting to bury them in the backgarden. Mine is 7 and so far still alive!

Couldn't disagree more OP.

I do not particularly like other peoples' kids and definitely wouldn't want to look after them for a day or even an hour.

I feel very different about my own child. I think nearly all parents do other than those who are very m(p)aternal and love looking after kids full stop.

As an ex-nanny, I couldn’t imagine looking after a kid for free- one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had to do.

And I know that others have said that you can’t possibly compare looking after someone else’s kid as opposed to your own, but nannying was one of the things to put me off kids for life!

I couldn't disagree more, OP.

I'd never even held a baby before I had mine...and they turned out all right. Love my children and grandchildren but I'm afraid I wouldn't go out of my way to do anything much with anyone else's.

She has used other ages too.

What a bizarre comment OP! Is this a reverse? Are you “using” other people’s children to decide if you feel maternal enough to have your own? If so, please don’t. You clearly have issues that you should resolve first.

If not, then your friend is pretty amazing to be looking after all these children of varying ages who aren’t her own. I’d say she’s definitely ready to have a child if she feels that she is.

What a bizarre thread. I can’t believe nobody else picked up on OP’s even weirder second post!

Wonder where op has gone.

Totally disagree. Why should someone want to spend time with someone else's kid if they don't have particular bonds of affection for them?

What you feel for your own is a world apart.

There is a massive difference between looking after someone else’s child whom you have no real bond with in any way and wondering about having to watch what you say than your own child that you know what you can discuss in front of them, what values and behaviours you expect from them and have usually raised since birth.