To not want to pay for baby shower?

[Eighteenmurray]

My friend is having a baby shower. She’s one of my best friends so there’s no real choice but to attend. Not keen on going at all, but I’ll go for her. She’s organised it to be in a function room of a social club. She’s pleased because she’ll only have to charge £15 per head.

I thought she meant that’s all she’d have to pay, but no, that’s what she’s charging the guests to attend to cover the costs.

AIBU in thinking this is ridiculous?

[expatinscotland]

' I’ve noticed Americans are far more generous and Social than brits, who seem to think it’s offensive to be asked to a party to celebrate. '

And they are not charged to be guests at a baby shower. People here hate them because it's a tradition (low key two-hour or so event on a weekend afternoon) that's been taken out of context and turned into something tacky.

[PleaseAndThanks]

I had a baby shower recently (free to attend ) and every single person bought gifts for the shower and then more gifts when they met the baby. I found it crazy and excessive tbh!

I will, in future, take gifts to the shower and a homemade meal when I visit the baby (for the sleep deprived parents).

[Troels]

I love a babyshower, but charging is so wrong.
The ones I've attended have been lovely afternoon affairs, that included Tea, coffee and soft drinks with a buffet of cold foods and cake. Silly fun games and opening presents and enjoying the company.
No charges, no alcohol, no men.

[snewname]

Surely the theme should be - baby related?
What other themes are appropriate?

[QueenAravisOfArchenland]

I’ve noticed Americans are far more generous and Social than brits

Or their corporations have been substantially more successful at commodifying and commercialising every big life event.

Bit less cute viewed that way, isn't it?

[Nakedavenger74]

Kind of on the fence here. I've been to plenty of BS where we've met in a restaurant so the bill has come up pretty high. Or attended one where we've all brought a buffet foodstuff and contributed drink. Both considerably higher cost than $15. Mind you they were touted less as a BS and more of a 'let's get pissed as a group of friends before the kid arrives'. No expectations on gifts although most people brought a token something.

Saw it more as a baby related hens night and opportunity to meet up than an attempt to stockpile gifts. If the agenda was mainly baby talk, tacky games and no drink I'd be questioning who I was friends with...

[PetulantPolecat]

Of course American baby showers have themes. Maybe 20 years ago they didn’t. Much like a birthday party theme use to mean Strawberry shortcake invitation and matching paper cups. Height of sophistication back then.

[PetulantPolecat]

“I’ve noticed Americans are far more generous and Social than brits

Or their corporations have been substantially more successful at commodifying and commercialising every big life event.

Bit less cute viewed that way, isn't it?”

Bit more deluded if you’re suggesting a corporation brainwashes you into being a sociable and generous human being.

[TotHappy]

Surely the point is that it isn't a British tradition, so no one over here really knows how to do it or what to expect? I've never been to one, it's never come up. Because I'm British and so are most of my friends. We bring a present/cake/flowers round when visiting after baby's born. That's how its done here.

[Eighteenmurray]

Exactly TotHappy. How did they even become a thing here. And why?!

It’s the same as the ever increasingly OTT weddings three hours away from where any of the guests live.

[Sprinklesinmyelbow]

Americans maybe not necessarily pay to attend (not true in its entirety, a good friend had hers at an amazing hotel in NYC and it was at a price per head) but they are also likely to contribute to showers in the home by bringing food etc which still costs the guest money.

[Sprinklesinmyelbow]

Because things change OP? Why does there have to be a reason?

[nellieellie]

So what is the £15 for? As in, what do you get out of it? Food, drinks? I thought a baby shower was where friends of pregnant woman arranged a get together at someone’s house, so a few snacks and drinks, and all invited brought a present for the baby. A bit crass, American and grabby I have always thought, but this is in a different league. So, you are expected to pay to come AND bring a present?
I think if it were my best friend, I’d have a word, along the lines of “No” just to protect her from the righteous indignation of those invited,

[youngnomore]

It’s a party. Why should the guests have to pay? I’ve had and been to many baby showers. Never yet have the guests needed to pay. She’s got the whole thing wrong.

[Mousefunky]

YANBU. Baby showers are grabby Americanised bullshit.

[Eighteenmurray]

So what is the £15 for? As in, what do you get out of it? Food, drinks?

The £15 is to cover the room hire & buffet. Drinks will just be a normal bar. She would never dream (I hope) of doing this with a birthday/engagement/anniversary party, so I can’t understand why she thinks this is different.

[AngelsSins]

I would never attend a baby shower. I find the whole idea arrogant and self indulgent. I hate the suggestion that everyone else should be as excited as you are that you're pregnant. As for the implication that makes me and other Brits who agree, unsociable and tight - give over. I love to give gifts and I'm pretty generous, but I like it to be my choice, not on demand and I certainly wouldn't pay for the "privilege". I feel the same about engagement parties too. It's just so demanding, and for a lot of people, dull.

[greendale17]

I would never attend a baby shower. I find the whole idea arrogant and self indulgent. I hate the suggestion that everyone else should be as excited as you are that you're pregnant.

^So I take it you don’t attend birthday parties, weddings and so forth???

[lindyhopy]

I wish people would realise that everyone hates baby showers and stop having them.

[NorthernKnickers]

I'm clearly very old! I just don't get this 'baby shower' thing AT ALL!! When I was having my babies (20-odd years ago!) we just, well, had our babies! After the event, people bought gifts (or not!) and that was pretty much it! What on Earth is with this 'baby shower' nonsense! I'd not be doing with all that American bollocks! You'd be getting a cardi or a pack of vests after you'd given birth off me! (Grumpy old goat that I am 😂)

[Minnie13]

I'm so glad this was still only an American tradition when my friends were pregnant. Anyone suggesting one would've been laughed out of town.

Sounds really cheeky to me. You can't organise a party then make the guests pay!

[Nodancingshoes]

I have just received my third baby shower invitation in 2 months ... They all cost £15 for afternoon tea plus a present. I went to the first one as it was for a work colleagues first baby, the other two are for second babies and I will be giving them a miss.

[Crunchymum]

Theme? Theme? There is going to be a theme????

[bluebellsparklypants]

I think baby showers are bit naff all round really but yanbu with this

[Thissideof40]

If she was having a birthday party or christening st the social club she wouldn’t charge you so why for this?

If ur was something like afternoon tea somewhere then I’d pay but not for a bloody social club!!