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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay for baby shower?

123 replies

Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 22:07

My friend is having a baby shower. She’s one of my best friends so there’s no real choice but to attend. Not keen on going at all, but I’ll go for her. She’s organised it to be in a function room of a social club. She’s pleased because she’ll only have to charge £15 per head.

I thought she meant that’s all she’d have to pay, but no, that’s what she’s charging the guests to attend to cover the costs.

AIBU in thinking this is ridiculous?

OP posts:
rosenylund · 25/04/2018 22:39

I went to one where I had to pay £20, sit down meal and a disco - best babyshower I've ever been to, there were 40 of us!

AmazingPostVoices · 25/04/2018 22:41

I think she’ll find that lots of people are unfortunately busy that day.

I’m a bit agog at a bar at baby shower tbh.

Traditional American
baby showers are an afternoon at someone’s house with cake, lemonade, a few sandwiches and party games.

Andylion · 25/04/2018 22:41

That is weird, every baby shower I’ve been too has been either at the Mum to be’s house or her Mum’s/sister’s/friend’s place, much more low key and intimate!

^
This.

sockunicorn · 25/04/2018 22:43

£15 feels a lot for buffet and social club. Ive been to plenty of baby showers where you paid for your own meal, but never one where you pay towards room hire?! Also, if people drop out/dont show up does your room hire cost go up?

Sorry OP i think theyre grabby and its very rude to ask guests to pay for room hire and (presumably) bring a gift!

KeepServingTheDrinks · 25/04/2018 22:44

All kinds of wrong, as almost all the PPs have said, for the reasons they give.

OP, sorry if I'm reading too much into this, but I think Flowers for you. And sorry if you're going to find the occasion additionally hard.

Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 22:44

I’m a bit agog at a bar at baby shower tbh.

The bar is the one element I’m completely in favour of Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 22:46

KeepServing you’re not. Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
FrancisUnderwood · 25/04/2018 22:46

Oh god there's going to be a chocolate fountain and balloons and all other manner of self indulgent bullshit isn't there?

I'd pay £15 not to go.

Prestonsflowers · 25/04/2018 22:48

Eighteenmurray
I thought the same as Keepserving
💐💐

Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 22:49

I imagine so, yes. I know there’s a theme and a working group of her sisters and university friends adding to it. Me too!

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 25/04/2018 22:50

Sparklesocks
That is weird, every baby shower I’ve been too has been either at the Mum to be’s house or her Mum’s/sister’s/friend’s place, much more low key and intimate!

That's what we've always done!

Genevievevavance · 25/04/2018 22:51

Sounds very odd to charge people to attend. Unfortunately you'll just have to suck it up and pay since she's a good friend. Hopefully it'll be a fun time

Rafflesway · 25/04/2018 22:52

Social club room hire and buffet? Who's doing the catering as I know often people who hire a room do their own catering. If this is the case then - if they expect quite a few to attend - they could make a profit albeit not a huge amount.

If they are having caterers, be careful as the price could well increase if lots of people find an excuse not to attend.

I agree with many pp's, this would be my idea of hell. Baby showers imo are grabby and boring.

Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 22:53

Thank you Prestons. I wish my friend was as observant Wink

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 25/04/2018 22:54

Sounds like an incredible waste of money to me.

londongirl12 · 25/04/2018 22:54

I really didn't want a baby shower but my friends insisted. So I had a bbq at my house, men invited too. But I've been to some like you mentioned before. At a specific venue with a cost involved. Seems to be becoming more the norm.

Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 22:56

Raffles I believe the club is doing the catering.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 25/04/2018 22:56

'There’s no doubt that I’m going, I just think it’s an unbelievable way in which to do it.'

Why? Just make up an excuse. It's painful for you and it's cheeky as fuck to charge people to go to a baby shower. Make up a family wedding or a work commitment you can't get out of and don't go.

expatinscotland · 25/04/2018 22:59

' But I've been to some like you mentioned before. At a specific venue with a cost involved. Seems to be becoming more the norm.'

And yet people still insist this is American. It's not. The American baby shower is in the afternoon on a weekend, no men, no charging guests, usually no alcohol and you shower the mum-to-be with gifts - no gifts is not a shower. You don't give the mother another gift when the baby is born. But somehow it became an excuse to take the piss out of people over here.

Stinkbomb · 25/04/2018 22:59

I might go to a baby shower but I won't give a gift - I won't give a gift before a baby is born and as safely home as possible , it isn't guaranteed unfortunately.

Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 23:01

Expat she ran several dates past me to find out when I was definitely free. She’s already asked me to be the baby’s godmother. I think she’d be unbelievably hurt if I didn’t make the effort.

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AmazingPostVoices · 25/04/2018 23:04

Expat I really don’t understand how the U.K. has taken a nice gentle American tradition and made it so tacky...

expatinscotland · 25/04/2018 23:04

'Expat she ran several dates past me to find out when I was definitely free. She’s already asked me to be the baby’s godmother. I think she’d be unbelievably hurt if I didn’t make the effort.'

Then make up a D&V bug. Or be straight with her and tell her it's cheeky as fuck to do this.

FizzyGreenWater · 25/04/2018 23:05

A theme?

Surely the theme is babies

Throw yourself into it- get involved and insist the theme is something like Famous Killers From History, Unusual Dieases, Ancient Curses, etc.

Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 23:06

The American baby shower is in the afternoon on a weekend, no men, no charging guests, usually no alcohol and you shower the mum-to-be with gifts

Hers has got three of the five components. I’m actually reviewing my criticism now, £15 suddenly seems a very reasonable amount to not have to endure it sober Wink

OP posts: