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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay for baby shower?

123 replies

Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 22:07

My friend is having a baby shower. She’s one of my best friends so there’s no real choice but to attend. Not keen on going at all, but I’ll go for her. She’s organised it to be in a function room of a social club. She’s pleased because she’ll only have to charge £15 per head.

I thought she meant that’s all she’d have to pay, but no, that’s what she’s charging the guests to attend to cover the costs.

AIBU in thinking this is ridiculous?

OP posts:
AmazingPostVoices · 25/04/2018 23:06

throw yourself into it- get involved and insist the theme is something like Famous Killers From History, Unusual Dieases, Ancient Curses, etc

Awesome Fizzy. Just awesome

expatinscotland · 25/04/2018 23:09

Oh, and no fucking themes or dress up/costumes. That's not a component of an American baby shower, either. It's usually very low key and often in someone's home.

Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 23:09

Throw yourself into it- get involved and insist the theme is something like Famous Killers From History, Unusual Dieases, Ancient Curses, etc.

Grin Grin Grin

I might join the Facebook planning group just to suggest these. Straight faced and eager.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 23:13

I think it’s being treated more like an afternoon engagement party. I imagine men will arrive after the official end time. She does like to throw herself a party so I’m not surprised by the scale, just that we’re having to fund it.

OP posts:
BlondeB83 · 25/04/2018 23:14

Baby showers are hideous! So tacky!

AnathemaPulsifer · 25/04/2018 23:15

I’m actually reviewing my criticism now, £15 suddenly seems a very reasonable amount to not have to endure it sober

That's the spirits

expatinscotland · 25/04/2018 23:19

'Baby showers are hideous! So tacky!'

They're definitely tacky here - the mums throwing them for themselves, for 2nd, 3rd+ children, themes or dress up, charging guests or having them at spas, men, BBQs or evening soirees, etc.

DoneDisappeared · 25/04/2018 23:20

Ummmm... I like baby showers, but no. If the shower needs a cover charge it's time for a rethink.

SenecaFalls · 25/04/2018 23:21

The American baby shower is in the afternoon on a weekend, no men, no charging guests, usually no alcohol and you shower the mum-to-be with gifts - no gifts is not a shower. You don't give the mother another gift when the baby is born. But somehow it became an excuse to take the piss out of people over here.

Indeed. Y'all have well and truly fucked up a nice American tradition with mothers to be organizing their own showers, charging admission, and having a bar. ~clutches pearls~

Willow2017 · 25/04/2018 23:21

Fuckaduck the world's going to hell in a handcart!
Thank fuck i am past all this shit.

SandAndSea · 25/04/2018 23:22

This all sounds horrifying to me.

Amanduh · 25/04/2018 23:22

Yanbu this is absolutely fucking ridiculous

SenecaFalls · 25/04/2018 23:23

Oh, and the reason you don't have a bar is because the guest of honor can't drink.

SenecaFalls · 25/04/2018 23:24

Throw yourself into it- get involved and insist the theme is something like Famous Killers From History, Unusual Dieases, Ancient Curses, etc

I nominate this post for funniest of the day.Grin

Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 23:33

Oh, and the reason you don't have a bar is because the guest of honor can't drink.

I think she realises there’d be no guests if she suggested £15 for everyone to sit and have a cup of tea together Grin

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 25/04/2018 23:34

The reason there's no need to charge is because there's no big meal! It's in the afternoon, between lunch and dinner. There are some nibbles - canapes, little sandwiches, dips and crisps, cut up veg, that sort of thing - some 'punch' (non-alcoholic), coffee and cake. You chit chat, nibble some food, maybe play some games, do presents, eat cake and then leave. No themes or dressing up, booze, men, BBQs or meals, evening parties, or any of that.

Chinesecrested · 25/04/2018 23:36

£15 isn't a lot

Original poster
Eighteenmurray · 25/04/2018 23:41

£15 isn't a lot

That depends on how much you’ve got.

OP posts:
Rafflesway · 25/04/2018 23:47

eighteen if the social club are doing the catering then your friend CF will have worked out the price per person from the overall cost.

So, if for instance, she is expecting 20 people to attend and the overall cost charged by social club is £300 then of course that would be £15 each. However, what if only 10 decide to attend find an excuse on the day , does the cost increase to £30 per person?Hmm

The more I think about it the more I think it is massively cheeky. I would be crying poverty if it was me and would tell her I just couldn't afford it. Sorry but if people are brass necked enough to want a party to be fawned over and expect people to pay for the privilege then they have to understand not everyone will have the funds/want to spend their hard earned money on same. I certainly wouldn't. YADNBU if you decline!

BackforGood · 25/04/2018 23:48

YANBU at all, except the bit where you say "there’s no real choice but to attend." There is always a choice.

If you book a hall and a buffet to invite your friends to, then you pay for it. It is rude otherwise.

I mean, I hat the whole concept of baby showers, but, putting that aside even, you either 'host' (and therefore pay for) a party - for whatever occasion you are celebrating. Or, you say we're having a 'bring a dish supper / buffet' for your party - but obviously in lieu of gifts, so that wouldn't work for a party where the whole point is to collect gifts. Or, you say to friends, I'd like to go out for afternoon tea / dinner / lunch / brunch / coffee and cakes / cocktails / whatever.... here is the price list of the place I'd like to go, let me know if you would like to come too'.
It is just wrong to invite people to a party, then charge them.

RedForFilth · 26/04/2018 00:06

I think she’d be unbelievably hurt if I didn’t make the effort but she doesn't care that attending will hurt your feelings. You are making a choice to go.

I wouldn't attend a baby shower or have one due to multiple losses including late ones. My friends were all fine with this because they're nice people.

I actually feel embarrassed for her foe charging people money to buy her presents. 15 quid is a lot of money imo especially just for a buffet. She'll either look back at this and cringe really badly. Or have subsequent showers for subsequent babies (which I think is a hideous concept).

RedForFilth · 26/04/2018 00:10

Also, if you're a good friend can you have a quiet word and say that it really isn't the done thing to charge peoppe for this kind of party. Suggest lunch or afternoon tea?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/04/2018 05:49

Sprinklesinmyelbow so the first time you go see the baby after they are born, you literally take nothing? I think that just feels awkward. I agree in theory but I’m reality turning up with nothing, even if just flowers or a cake, seems strange.

Thecrabbypatty · 26/04/2018 07:29

*Place marking to show someone why charging for a party is a bad idea.... Hmm

Also YANBU. It's tacky and rude to charge people to come to a party you are throwing, it's as simple as that really.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 26/04/2018 07:32

Of course! Or maybe something small like a baby gro, bunch of flowers etc. It really depends doesn’t it? I’ve noticed Americans are far more generous and Social than brits, who seem to think it’s offensive to be asked to a party to celebrate.

Personally for my close friends I’ll happily buy the mother and the baby a present, either when born or at the shower so easy to split that so one is given before and one after.
I’ll also spend quite a bit of money so again wouldn’t have a problem adding on a £12 baby cardigan and a bunch of flowers when I visit, but there is no expectation. How could there be?

Not everyone is always trying to spend the least possible, although I understand sometimes people don’t have any money at all.

It’s almost a thing here to love to hate baby showers