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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

3 year old going to see the new avengers film.

404 replies

NotUmbongoUnchained · 25/04/2018 21:44

Would you judge?

OP posts:
NotUmbongoUnchained · 30/04/2018 10:50

Does something else.

OP posts:
obachan · 30/04/2018 10:53

NotUmbongoUnchained, you can't dictate the way people respond to your thread. It's clear from your repeated posts that you wanted people to give a simple yes or no, and that you'd ignore the nos, but kids being exposed to inappropriate material is a huge issue of modern parenting and it's pretty obvious that people want to discuss it.

I think it's especially important to recognise how things have changed. If you were that primary school kid in the 80s/90s who saw Freddy Krueger or whatever, you got a solid amount of bragging rights and the prestige of scaring the crap out of any other kid who'd listen. But that was it. There wasn't much worse you could realistically get.

Now, we're all a few clicks away from the most dismal, appalling range of graphic violence, gore and porn imaginable. It's increasingly difficult to truly monitor and limit kids' internet access; of course, at three it's not a problem, but throughout primary school it gets harder to guarantee they're not seeing anything awful (on a loosely-supervised visit to a friends' house; on an older kid's phone) and once they're at secondary then that's pretty much it.

I don't know if people think exposing their kids to studio-produced superhero-featuring torture and violence somehow builds resilience to this; that kids who've see a good measure of moderate nastiness already won't be curious about the truly bad stuff. But I don't think that works. Most studies show that the tolerance or appetite for this kind of thing only increases, and that many young people who've become totally blase about mildly unpleasant stuff eventually move on to more extreme imagery. There seems to be this element of the human psyche which really enjoys the jolt you get from fictional representations of sex, violence, murder etc, and if you overdo your exposure then the type of image needed to give you that jolt becomes more and more extreme.

Obviously, this is a wider pattern; plenty of people watch slasher movies without moving on to snuff porn, and nobody's saying this one kid watching a 12-rated violent film is going to develop psychological problems. But, overall, it's an issue that didn't really exist in the 80s or 90s, and what we need to question now is: assuming our kids will, one day, have the ability to access material a trillion times worse than anything pre-internet generations could realistically have seen, how careful do we need to be in their earlier years, when parents do have ultimate control over what their kids see?

You clearly have some awareness that certain films aren't considered suitable for younger children, or you wouldn't have asked. Do what you feel's best for your own kids, but don't bitch at everyone for participating in a debate you started.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 30/04/2018 10:57

If you’re so desperate to discuss it then start your own thread without attacking my parenting or my child.

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 30/04/2018 11:42

I have a nearly 4 yo and I wouldn't take him - he really struggled with Peter Rabbit - but it sounds like yours would be quite into it, don't think anything wrong with it IF you think they'll enjoy and be well behaved.
I think midweek quiet showing is probably best plan if you do.

obachan · 30/04/2018 11:46

I haven't attacked your child.

You started a thread about a parenting issue. Again: stop telling people how they can or can't respond.

Turnocks34 · 30/04/2018 11:52

My 4 year old wouldn’t be scared or terrified of it. I wouldn’t let him watch it though because he just wouldn’t understand it, and I imagine he’d be quite disruptive during the film.

I’m fairly slack on what films my kids watch, I did let him watch one of the Spider-Man films with Toby McGuire? But he just didn’t really want to see much more than Spider-Man swinging on a web so the actual film was unnecessary.

It’s up to you really, I think this one is more violant, and more complex than others but there were plenty of 5+ kids when I went to see it yesterday with their parents and non of them appeared were disruptive/terrified.

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 30/04/2018 12:01

I've seen it (loved it) and it's not suitable for a 3 year old. There's a torture scene that's pretty nasty and things happen to characters that will probably disturb younger viewers (can't say any more than that for fear of spoilers!). Regardless of that, I doubt a 3 year old would be able to follow the plot or remember enough of what had happened in previous films to understand what's going on

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 30/04/2018 12:10

I’m pretty lax when it comes to films / tv for my kids. My 7 year old has loved Greys Anatomy since age 5 and I’ve taken her to a couple of 12A’s.

This one is Not okay for a 3 year old. Please don’t take her.

GuildfordMum101 · 30/04/2018 12:11

Yes I'm judging, totally inappropriate for a 3 year old. We saw it last night, a rollercoaster of visual and emotional content. I cried, my 15 year old daughter cried. She is a huge Marvel fan and is very invested in the on-going and interlinked stories of the characters of the Marvel Universe. Your child may well love the Marvel superhero characters, but this film in particular is not of that original lighthearted genre, the characters have grown up, become darker, actually don't look the same anymore, and the content behind the film is way beyond a small childs understanding.

Nanny0gg · 30/04/2018 14:03

obachan

I agree with your post. We really don’t know what kind of Pandora’s Box we’ve opened.

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2018 14:41

Even if a child shows no obvious distress it doesn’t mean they aren’t experiencing ill effects
My nephew was allowed to play inappropriate video games from a very early age and seemed fine but when he was around 4 we went on a nature trail walk and a small flightless bird walked out in front of him ( baby grouse type thing). He immediately stamped on it
I was horrified and told him he had killed it, he replied “ I know but it will be ok soon”. He really didn’t care at all. He’s now 16 and still has little empathy for anyone or anything. He treats the family pets and his siblings quite badly
Possibly totally unrelated to what he was exposed to at an early age but he was watching films age 3 that’s my 9 year old would be allowed to now.
The point is that desensitisation to violence at a young age can lead to problems that don’t show themselves until much later

m0therofdragons · 30/04/2018 15:15

I was just interested in just how many would judge, considering as i said, most of my friends children would watch it and there were a few kids there today watching it. Clearly there are a lot of judgey people!

Or maybe just people with understanding of child development and appropriate parenting vs crap parents desperate to be seen as cool by their kids. But you clearly think you're right Hmm

DannyConcannon · 30/04/2018 15:23

Or maybe just people with understanding of child development and appropriate parenting

People with their own opinions on child development and appropriate parenting, you mean.

m0therofdragons · 30/04/2018 15:51

Nope, people with evidence-based knowledge set the age certificates and while I accept a 12 yo's maturity varies so it could be appropriate for a 10 year old, a pre schooler is not with that variable of development to be near to a 12 yo.

EventNotInData · 30/04/2018 16:43

The BBFC consider that 12A certificate films are not suitable for children under the age of 8, which I think is a good solid rule of thumb.

Anewhope · 30/04/2018 16:49

We love Marvel and my 3 (almost 4) year old DD regularly watches the films at home with us. Sometimes I cringe and moan to my husband that I don't think she should be watching particular bits bit he always insists it's fine so I tend to just go with it unless I get cues from her that she's scared. We just went to see the new Avengers film and we are both in 100% agreement that this won't be one she watches. So YABU in my opinion.

Adayindisney67 · 30/04/2018 17:26

Took my 6, 8 & 10 year old this Sunday like I said I would. They sat the whole way through, got excited, laughed, inhaled, exhaled. One toilet stop (along with alot of other adults) absolutley LOVED it.. Didn't get scared, they know it's Marvels and anything can happen. Besides none of us believe... (I won't spoil it for anyone) that what has been done can't be undone.

Because you know its marvel & super heros! I don't think it was anymore dark than any of the others, and that's my opinion. Neither did my kids. There were lots of kids the same age and zero judging from anyone.
The adults were more annoying than any of the kids.

The kids haven't stopped talking about it since and can not wait for the next one. They all have ideas on how it will play out.

I'll be taking them to see the new Jurassic world in June too. We love doing this as a family. They are well balanced, polite, compassionate little people and I judge what they can cope with well. They coped with this no problem. Good job I listened to my own opinion and not others.

BewareOfDragons · 30/04/2018 17:29

Totally inappropriate

gussyfinknottle · 30/04/2018 17:39

6, 8 and 10 is not 3 going on 4.

Adayindisney67 · 30/04/2018 17:44

No but somebody picked me a part previously so was responding to that.

I still think it's the parents call.

sakura06 · 30/04/2018 17:54

Infinity War is quite disturbing really. My 6 (nearly 7) year old has seen Thor Ragnarok at home and loved it, but I'm glad we didn't take her to Infinity War.

RosieLig · 30/04/2018 17:57

There was a 9 month old baby in yesterday! People are weird 🤷‍♀️

GirlInterruptedOftenByKids · 30/04/2018 18:32

Haven't rtft but it's an interesting discussion. I took my nearly 9yo to an evening showing (6:30 start) and he was fine. He's a Marvel obsessive, encyclopedic knowledge and not particularly emotional about films. The extremely sensitive nearly 6yo was at a sleepover that night but I would never have taken her. She's seen some Marvel at home, her knowledge almost rivals her brother's but she can't deal with anything too scary or emotional and Infinity War was definitely both!

Holidayz · 30/04/2018 18:57

RosieLig..

Maybe you went to the same showing as me? Heard but didn't see a baby, sounded young though from the crying.

my2bundles · 30/04/2018 19:14

A 3 year old toddler does not have the understanding or emotional development to deal with or nderstand the content. I didn't slow my now 10 year old to see any 12 films untill last year, many are still innopropriate for him. You are being irresponsible, 3 year olds are still baby's/toddlers and should be treated as such.