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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's inappropriate for the TA to try to invite herself to my house?

128 replies

TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 11:54

DS has a school trip coming up. He can't go because it will make him physically unwell (SN). I spoke to the teacher and asked her what she wanted me to do, call him in sick, take him out for the morning etc

TA called back to say she won't be on the trip and he could go into school after the others have left. Could sit in on the Yr3 class and then do some 1:1 work with her. Then she said maybe it's not a good idea because they're the boys who pick on DS, so he could come in a lesson later. I said I was working from home so could bring him in whenever. I asked what would happen at break time as he would be the only one from his class there, and he is often picked on at break time. Oh. Not a good idea, maybe I could bring him in after break. But then she's only there for one lesson. So I suggested he could do something at home with me. He often does his homework next to me whilst I'm working and they know I have workbooks here for him.

She then said that DS often talks about his toys, so maybe it would be a good idea for her to come and see where he plays and what toys he has Hmm
I said no, that wouldn't be convenient since, as I had previously explained, I will be working that morning.

Is it just me or is it totally inappropriate for her to be asking to come and visit our house? She's invited DS to her house before (without asking me) which I also find weird. I just declined and said I didn't think it necessary. We've had issues in the past with the school blaming his SN on our parenting, this has thankfully lessened now that DC2 has started at the school.

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 25/04/2018 21:22

I’m a TA, there’s no chance of a TA calling parents over the phone to discuss anything at our school it’s a Teacher’s job and completely unprofessional for her to be doing such a thing.

I’d be making these conversations known to the Head.

HolyMountain · 25/04/2018 21:24

Sorry , my punctuation was rubbish up there ^ . Apologies Blush

Wdigin2this · 25/04/2018 21:32

That's not on, and totally unprofessional. You need to put her straight!

Cagliostro · 25/04/2018 21:33

Really really bizarre.

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 25/04/2018 21:37

It's the school at fault here. The TA is clearly poorly trained. They've organised a trip with no provision in place for a pupil with additional needs. They seem very accepting of the situation that a pupil with additional needs is routinely 'picked on'. They have made the family of a pupil with additional needs feel accused. Inclusion disaster zone.

Do you have any other schools locally OP??

CrumbliestFlakiest · 25/04/2018 21:38

Lalalyra school staff visiting familes at home does happen for all sorts of reasons and can be very useful. Blossomy is correct.

Why any students would need to visit a member of staff at home is beyond me.

Original poster
TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 21:42

No other local schools Lowdoor
I have never heard of a teacher visiting a pupil's house before. What sort of reasons CrumbliesFlakiest and for what is it useful?

OP posts:
Original poster
TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 21:42

sorry, here's your missing t!

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 25/04/2018 21:46

I’ve Home visited with a teacher in my past job as a Nursery Nurse. It was to get to know the child and parent in their home, to see them and for them to feel more comfortable.

Pretty useless really but it was a nice morning’s work Smile

lalalalyra · 25/04/2018 21:50

Lalalyra school staff visiting familes at home does happen for all sorts of reasons and can be very useful. Blossomy is correct.

School staff visiting families does happen, but not like this. If they are not visiting before the child starts school then they visit for observations - not because they've organised a trip that the child can go on, and not without an explanation to the parent that they'd like to observe the child. Plus it's highly unlikely that the school would send a staff member alone.

And my point to Blossomy was that there is no reason for a staff member to invite the child to their home - there is no professional reason for that whatsoever.

lalalalyra · 25/04/2018 21:51

*and not without an explanation to the parent that they'd like to observe the child in a comfortable environment.

Original poster
TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 21:52

Why do you need to get to know them in their home though? You won't be teaching them there, they'll be in school. Anyway, we can rule out a making them feel more comfortable thing, DS has been at this school for nearly 4 years.

OP posts:
CrumbliestFlakiest · 25/04/2018 21:53

Transition to new settings, getting children used to new members of staff in an environment they feel comfortable in.

Keeping contact with children who haven't been attending school for any number of reasons. Could be short tuition sessions when dropping work off, or even just a chat to maintain a relationship to ease a potential start back

Reaching families who can't or won't come into school. Some people find schools intimidating

Informal setting can lead to more open discussions of problems. Parents and children don't feel outnumbered or threatened. Not sitting round a desk in an office

School staff can get a greater understanding of conditions at home and challenges facing families. Could be in disrepair, overcrowding, isolated. Limited finances.

Original poster
TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 21:53

for observations what on earth does that mean?

OP posts:
FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 25/04/2018 21:54

nobody would come into my house 'for observations' unless they had a police warrant.

swampytiggaa · 25/04/2018 21:57

My daughter was visited at home by a teacher when she had missed several weeks of school due to a broken leg. The teacher asked me first and came with a student teacher bearing a get well soon card and chocolate. It was very nice. If I hadn’t given permission they wouldn’t have come.

Original poster
TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 21:58

Transition to new settings, getting children used to new members of staff in an environment they feel comfortable in. No new setting, no new members of staff.

Keeping contact with children who haven't been attending school for any number of reasons. Could be short tuition sessions when dropping work off, or even just a chat to maintain a relationship to ease a potential start back Not the issue here, he goes in every day unless ill.

Reaching families who can't or won't come into school. Some people find schools intimidating. See above

Informal setting can lead to more open discussions of problems. Parents and children don't feel outnumbered or threatened. Not sitting round a desk in an office. We are adults thank you very much. We can cope with a parents evening around a desk. How utterly patronising.

School staff can get a greater understanding of conditions at home and challenges facing families. Could be in disrepair, overcrowding, isolated. Limited finances.
So just nosiness really.

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 25/04/2018 22:01

Our visits were just a ‘getting to know you’ type trip out of school to introduce ourselves to the child and parents. It was a general chat about the child’s likes and dislikes , make sure they were toilet trained , etc.

It was a long time ago now.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 25/04/2018 22:04

good grief Crumbliest is taht really what teachers think of parents? How insulting.

CrumbliestFlakiest · 25/04/2018 22:04

Tengin, you miss understand me if you think that i am justifying this particular person's motive for visiting your home which is unclear. I am challenging the idea there there is no good reason for school staff to carry out a home visit.

An no, it is not just noseyness. But perhaps of some schools were a little more 'nosey' as you put it, then there wouldn't be quite as much hidden child neglect. Sadly, it's very common.

Not everyone is like you.

Love51 · 25/04/2018 22:07

Even once you discount the 'staff going to child's home bit' (because there are circumstances where this can be appropriate, although nothing here suggests that and it wouldn't normally be a TA) the 'staff inviting child to their house' is just so far beyond normal I don't think I've ever seen it in any training because it didn't occur to anyone that any member of staff would do this! I think you might need a chat with the Head- about your child's education and the ta's strange and unprofessional behaviour.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 25/04/2018 22:08

Crumbliest are you suggesting that teachers take on the role of social worker now? There is no good reason for a teacher to nose into a child's home.

Cary2012 · 25/04/2018 22:11

I'm a teacher, I was an HLTA, before that a TA.
I'm also Assistant Senco.
This TA has crossed a line.
I could write a page about this, but for now the fact that she she wants your DS to miss school because she can't manage how other students may behave with him rings the first of many alarm bells.
If I were you, I'd be seeing the Head and addressing this.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 25/04/2018 22:12

How old is DS? and is he generally willing to go to school?

I have as a 1:1 TA visited a child's house before, but it was because they were reluctant to come to school and we were trying to build up a relationship and nothing else had worked, it was also not my suggestion (specialist suggestion which mum jumped at) It's not something I would consider appropriate without a good reason. I also visit new children before they start but obviously that's not the case here. I can't think of any situation where inviting a child to my house would ever be appropriate with or without the parents permission (unless she has DC who are friends with yours and was doing it as a mum) Are the school aware of this? I would actually be quite worried in your shoes because that sounds like it may well be against safeguarding guidelines.

leggere · 25/04/2018 22:12

Sounds like State intervention to me. My ds is autistic and the house was constantly a mess when he was little. What would have been said/done about that? And ii a house is in disrepair because the parents can't afford i, what happens then?

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