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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's inappropriate for the TA to try to invite herself to my house?

128 replies

TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 11:54

DS has a school trip coming up. He can't go because it will make him physically unwell (SN). I spoke to the teacher and asked her what she wanted me to do, call him in sick, take him out for the morning etc

TA called back to say she won't be on the trip and he could go into school after the others have left. Could sit in on the Yr3 class and then do some 1:1 work with her. Then she said maybe it's not a good idea because they're the boys who pick on DS, so he could come in a lesson later. I said I was working from home so could bring him in whenever. I asked what would happen at break time as he would be the only one from his class there, and he is often picked on at break time. Oh. Not a good idea, maybe I could bring him in after break. But then she's only there for one lesson. So I suggested he could do something at home with me. He often does his homework next to me whilst I'm working and they know I have workbooks here for him.

She then said that DS often talks about his toys, so maybe it would be a good idea for her to come and see where he plays and what toys he has Hmm
I said no, that wouldn't be convenient since, as I had previously explained, I will be working that morning.

Is it just me or is it totally inappropriate for her to be asking to come and visit our house? She's invited DS to her house before (without asking me) which I also find weird. I just declined and said I didn't think it necessary. We've had issues in the past with the school blaming his SN on our parenting, this has thankfully lessened now that DC2 has started at the school.

OP posts:
Original poster
TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 19:48

Yes, she'd told him all about her house and garden and cats. We live in a small flat and can't have pets... She said he sounded interested - well he would, wouldn't he? He loves animals.

He is in full-time school.
Him missing the half day of school is really not an issue. Our paediatrician has always said he would counter-sign for illness if we felt a compulsory activity was detrimental to him. I didn't think it fair to call him in sick on the off chance that they had put in place special measures or consideration to help him for the trip. As it happens, they hadn't even thought it could be an issue for him.

OP posts:
leggere · 25/04/2018 20:01

The more you tell us about the TA, the creepier she sounds. At the very least, it's unprofessional. This is exactly what we all try and warn our kids about, isn't it. Not to be tempted by pets into someone's car or home, etc. Feels uncomfortable, I feel you need to report her. As for the school, they're failing ds. No provision has made at all. My ds is autistic and we had problems all the time in mainstream, he fared much better in a special school.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 25/04/2018 20:03

it's a bit 'come and see my puppies' isnt it?

leggere · 25/04/2018 20:06

Has she invited any other dc to her home, do you know?

SnorkFavour · 25/04/2018 20:12

That's the weirdest behaviour I've ever heard of coming from a teacher/TA.

I have lots of children over many years and have NEVER been invited/visited by teachers once the children had started at school.

DEFINITELY report just in case it is sinister and someone else isn't as cautious as you. In fact I find it so strange and unprofessional, I wouldn't like her around my son even IN school.

HollowTalk · 25/04/2018 20:16

What the hell's she doing, inviting him to her house? That's completely out of order.

You need to speak to someone about her, OP. She has no boundaries and is very unprofessional. I would think the teacher would be horrified to hear what she's been saying.

BlondeB83 · 25/04/2018 20:17

You need to contact the school and talk to the head or the DSO. Inviting your child to her house is a massive safeguarding issue!!

user1486915549 · 25/04/2018 20:29

After the dreadful Soham murders I am horrified this inappropriate, unprofessional behaviour is slipping under the radar of the teacher and school.
Please report this now OP.
“ would you like to come round my house to see my kittens .....” NO , just NO !
On a less worrying level it really shouldn’t be up to the TA to make plans for what will happen in school with your child on that day , especially as she seems to be making it up as she goes along.

YouTheCat · 25/04/2018 20:37

As a TA, I say she sounds creepy as hell. I work 1:1 and would never invite a child to my house or go to the child's house. Totally unprofessional. The child I look after asked to come to mine because they knew I have cake but I told them they couldn't because I have no toys (thank god that worked).

I'd have a word with the head about this. This TA needs their safeguarding training updating.

blossomy · 25/04/2018 20:38

Home visits aren’t unprofessional at all. They can be really useful and helpful for children who need additional support.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 25/04/2018 20:39

if any TA invited herself round to my house, or invited my child to hers, i would tell her to do one.
Additional support my arse.

blossomy · 25/04/2018 20:41

Also, to be fair to school, the advice when ‘diagnosing’ ADHD now is to get the parent/s to do a parenting course first... an awful lot of the behaviour comes from the environment.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 25/04/2018 20:42

Blossomy you seem to have missed the point spectacularly. you must be a TA.

embod · 25/04/2018 20:52

I’m would be seriously concerned if I member of my staff invited a child to their home. It is probably naivety on her part but it needs to be raised as putting herself in an extremely vulnerable position.
Also it’s the school’s responsibility to make provision for you son if he’s unable to attend a trip.

blossomy · 25/04/2018 20:52

That’s a passive aggressive dig at TAs if ever I saw one Four! Grin

(Am not a TA.)

Original poster
TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 20:58

An awful lot of what behaviour blossomy?

OP posts:
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 25/04/2018 20:58

Is it possible she's just trying to wangle herself a few hours off work (by visiting you for half an hour, then going to Costa or shopping for two hours?).

Otherwise the whole arrangement sounds very odd.

blossomy · 25/04/2018 21:01

The behaviour observed in children with a diagnosis of ADHD. New NICE guidelines

All this said, I absolutely agree there’s no way the TA should be inviting any pupils to her house! Completely unethical.

lalalalyra · 25/04/2018 21:01

After the dreadful Soham murders I am horrified this inappropriate, unprofessional behaviour is slipping under the radar of the teacher and school.

It's horrifying that after Soham someone employed in a school is so unaware of safeguarding that they would encourage a child to think this was ok.

Even if Mrs TA is well meaning, but stupid she is encouraging a child in risky behaviour. Children should not be encouraged to think that it's ok for people they trust in school (or at clubs) to invite them into their homes.

OP please report this. The Head needs to know this TA is making these suggestions.

Home visits aren’t unprofessional at all. They can be really useful and helpful for children who need additional support.

There is no professional reason or use for a member of school staff to invite a child to their home. None.

turnipfarmers · 25/04/2018 21:10

A TA inviting children from her work place to her home should be on a fast track to being sacked, that's totally unprofessional and unacceptable.

Original poster
TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 21:12

Nope, still not seeing it blossomy. Unless your parenting course is a referral to group-based ADHD-focused support.
Would quite like to know which part of his behaviour you're talking about.

OP posts:
FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 25/04/2018 21:16

don't take it to heart TenGinBottles, this Blossomy person obviously doesn't know what she is talking about. How anyone could think that this was appropriate is beyond me.

leggere · 25/04/2018 21:18

She's totally unprofessional. She's tried to come to your home, she's tried to have ds in her home and she's asked you to tell ds to lie! All the things we teach our kids not to do. This is worrying.

leggere · 25/04/2018 21:19

Has she invited other dc to her home, op?

Original poster
TenGinBottles · 25/04/2018 21:21

Sorry, missed that. I have absolutely no idea if she's invited other DC to her house leggere

OP posts: