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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if you would start a new family

127 replies

greengrasslfwhome · 24/04/2018 18:55

If you had your children very young, so that they were grown up in your mid thirties, would you start again and have a new family if you met a decent man?

OP posts:
TuTru · 24/04/2018 22:37

God no I don’t have the energy for more babies now, only grandchildren as and when necessary.

dietcokacola · 24/04/2018 22:58

Nor me jess - that isn’t a polite comment.

Xmasbaby11 · 24/04/2018 23:01

No I wouldn't. Don't want to spend all my working years raising kids as well. There's so much more to life... I'd enjoy my freedom again!

Chinesecrested · 24/04/2018 23:10

No chance. Just think - on the one hand dirty nappies, potty training, sleepless nights, the school run (urgh), the expense, having to get babysitters before you can go out, worry about everything child-connected - on the other hand more spare cash, plenty of sleep... And the world isn't short of people, not your duty to repopulate it

QuietFin · 24/04/2018 23:15

If you want more children and it's possible! Go for it! I have 3 children aged 24, 5 and 3! Never regretted my decision to start again !!

Chinesecrested · 24/04/2018 23:15

How about fostering?

iheartmichellemallon · 25/04/2018 00:04

No chance! No judgement on anyone else (except when it appears that an 'old family' is being traded in for a new one!) but the thought of going back to all the shit & drudgery is not my cup of tea at all!

StrugglingMumma · 25/04/2018 00:37

I did.. had my son at 17 years old. Brought him up on my own until he was 3 years old when I met my now husband. We now have a daughter with a 12 year age gap between our children.

ingreed · 25/04/2018 00:48

If you're 35 and your youngest is 21 you must have been 13-14 when you got pregnant with him and younger when you got pregnant with your older kids. Really? But to your question do whatever feels right for you and if sounds like that's what you want to do so do it!

MissDuke · 25/04/2018 06:27

OP you asked for peoples own opinions and whether THEY would have more children but seem quite agitated when most say no?

Clearly there is more too much, this is up to you and OH to decide, what the rest of us would do is irrelevant. If your oh doesn't want another though, there comes a time when you will have to accept that staying with him means no more children.

speakout · 25/04/2018 06:40

No way.

OP you have experienced no adult life without kids.

I would grasp it with both hands- and make this time for your.

You are still young enough to go to University, start a business, travel, do all the things you missed out on because you had your babies so young.

Your life is not just about being a mother.

Shutupanddance1 · 25/04/2018 06:41

My dad did this. Hasn’t worked out very well for him tbh.

He had his youngest 3 months before I had my DD - I’m too busy raising my own family now to be a ‘good half-sister’. My brothers and sisters aren’t interested in our half siblings.

If it was the same partner/DH I’d say go for it but don’t expect there not to be a divide in your home.

curlii103 · 25/04/2018 06:52

Foster maybe. In my head id do this but I'll be too old for my own when my children are adults and i like babies!

fuckingjournocunts · 25/04/2018 06:55

Not a chance!! Surely it's time to sit back and wait patiently for grandchildren.

Graduate223 · 25/04/2018 06:57

No, I think that’s very unkind on the existing children. I find the people who do that are often only interested in babies and have little imagination of what to do with their time.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/04/2018 07:11

So you had kids when you were just a kid and your dh has brought the children up as his own. Is that what you’re saying as it sounds like it? Does he want a child? If he does, I’d go for it. You say you want one.

LoniceraJaponica · 25/04/2018 07:18

“ Maybe they are amazed that you had 2 children by 21. I was still very much single and a student at 21 with no desire to have children at that point

I don’t think there’s any need to be unpleasant.”

I don’t think that is unpleasant Hmm. Some women want their family young and some don’t.

I agree with Xmasbaby11 and speakout. There is more to life than just being a mother. Why do you think that life has no purpose now that your children have grown up? You have had very little child free adult time. Perhaps it’s time for a career change.

“I’ve never understand the mentality of the need to have a child with every man or woman you’re with.”

Me neither Jessikita
DD is in her last year at school. I can’t wait to be able to go away outside of school holiday times and not have to arrange things around the school calendar.

LoniceraJaponica · 25/04/2018 07:19

Actually, another thought has occurred to me. Do you want a child now because you are better placed to have one? This time it is a proactive choice, and you would do things differently? This I can understand.

T00much · 25/04/2018 07:31

Yes definitely if I was no older than say 40. I would want a child with the person I loved

speakout · 25/04/2018 07:32

Op I think it's time for a bit of personal self discovery and growth.

That's easy to avoid if you spend your life coming second to everyone else's needs.

You have never experienced time as an adult without being a parent.

I mean this in the kindest way- but time for some growing up.

You say you feel lost- and you possibly feel without purpose because you have spent all of your adult life through the lens of being a mother.
And you missed out on a part of growing up because of that.

Now is your time.
It may seem scary, but filling the void and silencing that fear of facing yourself is not going to be solved with a baby.

You have a wonderful opportunity ahead of you- you are still so young.

TBH I would be kicking my heels in your position- the world is at your feet and you don't even see it.

lovelyjubilly · 25/04/2018 07:37

I don't understand why being 'in your thirties' prevents you from studying, travelling or starting your own business Confused

kyrenialady · 25/04/2018 07:37

I don't think I would but I'm not in that position, so I can't say 100% no.

I had mine at 20 and 25. I can't wait for them to leave school, take term time holidays. I am sick of schools, GCSE's, SATS and the thought of going through it all again makes me weep.

I am too selfish now I think, I like my lay ins, being able to just nip out. have long haul holidays. I am looking forward to spending more time with my DH, he is a shift worker so he often has a few days off in a row.

Plus my parents are getting on a bit now, as they had me in their 30's.

speakout · 25/04/2018 07:40

I don't understand why being 'in your thirties' prevents you from studying, travelling or starting your own business

Did anyone say that?

LoniceraJaponica · 25/04/2018 07:40

I am sick of schools, GCSE's, SATS

Me too - and A levels in my case.

speakout · 25/04/2018 07:43

I'm sick of the school too- this is my youngest's last week at school!

So excited about my future too now- time to ramp up my ( small but successful) business, OH and I already planning lots of trips, will now be able to go to the gym most days before working.......woo hoo!!!!

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