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Original poster

To wonder if you would start a new family

127 replies

greengrasslfwhome · 24/04/2018 18:55

If you had your children very young, so that they were grown up in your mid thirties, would you start again and have a new family if you met a decent man?

OP posts:
Mousefunky · 24/04/2018 19:39

Possibly. I had my DC very young and am still fairly young and pregnant again. If this pregnancy doesn’t work out (had two MC last year so still on tenterhooks about this one) I won’t try again until I am mid thirties by which stage my DC will all be teenagers.

TheVanguardSix · 24/04/2018 19:40

So what do you do, those of you who found their children grown up by 35?

What would you DO? Hell, what wouldn't you do? The world would be your oyster. Having kids isn't something you 'do' to kill time or fill a void. At least, it shouldn't be.

Study.
Travel.
Start that business.
Write that novel.
Travel with your grown up kids!
Have meals out and weekend breaks with your current DH.
Enjoy life.

HeedMove · 24/04/2018 19:41

Greengrass how old is grown up? what do you mean what do you do? You live your life. Go to work, socialise with friends without early morning wake ups, have hobbies like the gym, running. Golf, cycling, snowboarding for dh. Go for meals togeyher, weekends away and holidays. Spend time with the kids and family.

Original poster
greengrasslfwhome · 24/04/2018 19:43

Study - but you’re still only in your thirties and work full time
Travel - as above
Start that business - you’re in your thirties and working full time
Write that novel -you’re not much of a writer
Travel with your grown up kids -money and time prevent this
Have meals out and weekend breaks with current dh - possible.

OP posts:
JustRosieHere · 24/04/2018 19:43

No I wouldn’t. I had children young and in my 30s now. I’m enjoying new freedom and more money! I’ve seen a lot of people have ‘2nd’ families and some regret it due to never having freedom or money and some have even had to push retirement

BrieAndChilli · 24/04/2018 19:43

Life isn’t just about raising children!!! Start a career, go travelling, go to uni, volunteer, join hobbies/sports, learn another language. Go for lazy Sunday lunches, lots of nights out and cocktails,
God there’s a million things you can do once your kids have grown up. I’m looking forward to all that and I’ll be 48 when my youngest is an adult (granted they might not of left home by then but they won’t need babysitting anymore!!)

TheDowagerCuntess · 24/04/2018 19:43

Absolutely not. I can't understand why you wouldn't embrace the relative freedom, and the lessening of a drain on expenses.

And what TheVanguardSix, obviously!

Helpmeplan · 24/04/2018 19:45

No chance

Ragwort · 24/04/2018 19:46

No - and have you really no imagination that you can't think what else to do with your time Hmm?

mygrandchildrenrock · 24/04/2018 19:46

I did. I was divorced with 3 young children when I was just 23.
When I was 33 I met and married current DH and had 2 children with him when I was 39 and 42 and he was 49 and 52. We have never regretted it and all our DC get on well with each other, regardless of their age gap. Youngest is 17, oldest is 42.
I never thought I'd get re-married and when I did I wanted to create history with my DH - if you know what I mean.
We do sometimes thing how wealthy we'd be if we hadn't had children!

LoniceraJaponica · 24/04/2018 19:47

"I look at friends from school who are just starting to have children now , in their 40s, and I am amazed!"

Maybe they are amazed that you had 2 children by 21. I was still very much single and a student at 21 with no desire to have children at that point.

NapQueen · 24/04/2018 19:48

I would save all the money id spent feeding clothing and entertaining my dc. Sell my house. Use the money to backpack and pick up jobs as I travelled.

newme175 · 24/04/2018 19:50

I'm 34 and my kids are 16 and 9. I was very seriously considering having one or two more (still with the same dad) up until early this year! We were going to start trying after our summer holiday....

But we had our doubts and after much deliberation have decided against it and got a dog instead! Omg sleepless night and toilet training the puppy has cured my maternal instincts BIG time.

However if I was with a new partner I'm pretty sure I would have had more :)

FriendlyOcelot · 24/04/2018 19:52

No way.

TheDowagerCuntess · 24/04/2018 19:55

'Write a novel' was clearly just a suggestion for [insert random hobby or thing you've always wanted to do] Grin

For me - there are so many things I'd love to try my hand at, if only I had the time.

lubeybooby · 24/04/2018 19:56

I thought for a long time I would have more children but I've decided I prefer the best of both worlds, done raising my amazing DD who I had at 16, shes just about to graduate, and now I'm enjoying money and freedom

HippityHoppityWho · 24/04/2018 19:57

Yes, if that's what we both wanted.

Personally I'd rather set my womb on fire.

Fireandflames666 · 24/04/2018 19:57

I'd not say no (I have two kids 7 and 3 at 32, ex dumped me for work colleague), I could end up meeting someone in the future.

MissMogwai · 24/04/2018 19:57

I wouldn't.
I had 2 young DC and was single at 25. I met my now DP at 33 and we're very happy. We talked about having a baby but decided against it.

5 years on I'm still confident we made
the right choice as with my two (now mid teens) and DSS now 19, we would have been starting again. No thanks!

That said lots of people do and are very happy, so it's just personal choice.

LolitaLempicka · 24/04/2018 20:01

No. I would do all the things that having a baby as a teenager had prevented me from doing. Like go to university, travel the world, and enjoy my freedom. My children are grown and I am early 40s so could potentially have more kids, but life is too exciting to take a step back.

Pigleteer · 24/04/2018 20:03

I’m early 40s with young children. All my friends are the same - I don’t know who I’d hang out with for all these cocktail nights!!!

Homemenu1 · 24/04/2018 20:06

Did you post recently about wanting another baby but do not being so keen?

Dozer · 24/04/2018 20:06

How is money and fertility?

There is still some free time when you work full time and have no dependent DC - annual leave, weekends, evenings. What do you LIKE doing?

In that situation can think of a LOT of things I’d like to do more than go back to square one and sleep deprivation - and working FT - with more DC.

RiverRose · 24/04/2018 20:06

Mine aren't exactly grown up yet but I have kind of done this as the gap is quite big.

Have two children aged 12 and 8 with ex-DP.
28 now and pregnant by new DH (we have been together 5 years). We might have one more... maybe! If it doesn't happen by 30 then I am definitely done.

It is strange going back to nappies and night feeding but I loved doing it with the first two and this one was very much longed for after 2 years ttc and IVF.

Battleax · 24/04/2018 20:09

Maybe they are amazed that you had 2 children by 21. I was still very much single and a student at 21 with no desire to have children at that point.

I don’t think there’s any need to be unpleasant. I don’t think that remark was meant unpleasantly. It is a bit mind blowing when you see peers who have done different stages at different ages. In any configuration.