To wonder if you would start a new family

[greengrasslfwhome]

If you had your children very young, so that they were grown up in your mid thirties, would you start again and have a new family if you met a decent man?

I'm not a fan of blended families, so no, I wouldn't.

Greengrass, nothing like a ‘can do’ attitude😂

If I didn’t have little kids I could definitely get stuck into all those things, despite working full time.

I did. DS was born when I was 25, I split from his dad when he was 3 and was single for years. I met DD’s dad when I was 34, we ttc for years and I had her when I was 41.

My mum had me when she was 40 and had been married and widowed wnen she was 33 ( with an 11 yr old son )
Met my dad( who was 50) who'd also been widowed with 2 children ( 10 and 5 when their mum died)...they were 12 and 16 when my parents married
The 2 sets of siblings never really got on and since both my parents have died (30 yrs and 10 yrs ago) they have not spoken to each other and there is now a large divide in the family

They're all in their late 60's early 70's and my dB ( mum's son) is now terminally ill and wants nothing to do with his step siblings
I feel like I've been caught in the crossfire of my siblings's rivalry

No. If (and it's a very big never gonna happen) I remarried I wouldn't. Dd would be gutted enough about the new imaginary stepfather, let alone a baby. And no way would I go through it all again!! Babies are boring. My life is fun.

Nope. No way. I am done having babies no matter what may happen in the future. There’s a whole heap of things I want to do in life, most of which cost time rather than money.

It’s not a blended family as such. I wouldn’t have wanted that either. Youngest is 21.

OP I think I’ll look for compressed hours or responsibility-free freelancing so that “a full time job” still allows me to travel and pursue creative hobbies.

What did you used to daydream about doing “later” while the DC were small and you were tied to he’s times and school runs?

Are you sure this man is right for you? I'm getting the impression there's some sort of void in your life if you've got a new man and all you can think about is how you will fill the time.

This Is what my df did

He had his kids in his early 20’s / split with partner

Met me when his 3 kids were in their 20’s

I sadly ttc for 5yrs with my husband who then died - 9mths later I met do. I said I really wanted to have a baby but had infertility problems and would need ivf

4yrs later and 5 private ivf we finally had our miracle baby

I was almost 44 and df 51

I’m so thankful he said yes. Our dd now 13mth is our world and her older half siblings love her

So what do you do, those of you who found their children grown up by 35?

What a bizarre question.

As much as people love their children, There is more to life than children.

No WAY would I have any more. I love mine, and I loved raising them, but no way would I be doing it again/starting over. I think people who have them at 20-22 ish, and then have another one or two at 40 to 43-ish, are fucking batshit.

Even with kids who are well behaved, and with no issues of any kind, it has been hard work, and expensive. I mean, there have been wonderful times with them, and if I could go back 25 years, I would still have them, and wouldn't change a thing, but no WAY would I be doing it again.

We are middle aged now, with many years ahead of us, and our kids left 4-5 years ago, and we see them quite often - once or twice weekly - and love our relationship with them.

But we have total 100% freedom now, and no way would I be trading that for another 18-20 years of dirty nappies, sleepless nights, few lie-ins, childcare costs, school politics, school-gate mafia, having to watch crappy kids tv for 10-12 years or so, years of soaring costs of school uniforms and school trips, and toys and gadgets and so on and so on, for another child.

I can't get my head round why anyone would want to do it again, after the kids were grown and left home.

Exactly ^^

Its not about filling the time. Wanting a purpose, I suppose, and I don’t think it’s particularly peculiar to want a family in your thirties.

Ah Green I think you need to be a bit more imaginative . Just because you're in full time employment doesn't mean you can't do TheVanguards suggestions. Ok so you can't do them 5 days a week but the point is your time outside of work is your own. So is your energy, both physical and mental!

You could take a class in something you're interested in, for no other reason than because you've always fancied it. Maybe you can't go traveling for months at a time but being financially responsible only for yourselves and not limited to school holidays means you can plan your leave and look forward to trips away. Fine, you don't want to write a book but that's just an example, replace that with: learn the piano/decoupage/carpentry, take up judo/fly fishing/air guitar, whatever!

Obviously if you'd both like another child and can afford one then go for it but there is more to life than just raising children. I love my dc to bits but I also look forward to the time when it's just DH and me, doing things we enjoy and not having the responsibility of small people.

I would like another child.

Well have one then. Because you want one. Not because you can’t think of any other purpose to life.

Why does anyone have a child

a purpose how about charity work?

Oh yes!! However I had DD at 31 and DS st 33. They are now 12 and 10 and I'm 43... I wish I had started younger. I would have loved 2 more.

I don’t know. I’d love to have a child in a loving, supportive, equal relationship. I still feel immense sadness that I didn’t have that experience or give my DCs that childhood.
But having another to ease that pain would be selfish, and there are no guarantees it would work out. If it did, my DCs could feel alienated.
So I guess for me it’s: heart yes/head no.

If you want another child than have one!
BUT it does seem to me that because you had your children so young (you must have been 16ish??) that you never got the chance to find out who YOU really are so your whole identity is wrapped up in being a mother and you don’t know who to live life without having a child to care for!!

Whereas those of us that waited a bit longer (and I was 26 so not old when I had mine) can remember what we did before kids and can think of lots of things that we would like to do.

There are things I could do. I’d just prefer to do them with a family.

I did, had 4 children by the time I was 28 with exh divorced had 3 with 2nd dh at 39, 41 and 43 thats it now

I wasn't saying I was amazed in a rude way, more in a ' we are SO different ' way.
I wanted to have kids at a young age, and so did my husband. Most people want to wait until late 20s early 30s at least.
I get it, most people are not in the mindset to get married young, even if they have met someone else who wants to. I know I'm am odd, but I wasn't saying my way was better.

I personally wouldn’t. I much prefer my children now they’re a bit older (4 and 2) I hated being pregnant and the toddler stage (from crawling to about 2.5)

No matter the circumstances I wouldn’t have another baby.

I can’t imagine having older children and then “starting all over again”
I like my holidays and career.

I’ve never understand the mentality of the need to have a child with every man or woman you’re with.