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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to work?

90 replies

Mamabear1475 · 24/04/2018 17:05

And to not understand why I'm being judged on it?
I worked full time before I gave birth. 7am until 10pm. I'm still on maternity leave but really don't want to go back. I love being at home. I want to be with my baby. We can afford for me not to work. It would be a waste of time working anyway as all of it would go on childcare. So I'm just working to pay for something I could just do myself. I worked in my job for almost 8 years so I have lots of experience and qualifications if I did need to go back to work
But apparently I'm throwing my life away to stay at home and do nothing. This is from friends/family. I don't see it as doing nothing when you have a baby to look after though Hmm

OP posts:
Username9876543 · 24/04/2018 17:08

You’re not doing nothing, you’re raising a child. That in itself is a full time job. Ignore anyone who says you’re throwing your life away, they’re probably jealous that they don’t have the luxury of quitting work. GL

Trinity66 · 24/04/2018 17:08

Do whatever makes you happy and ignore them

IAmMotherOfDragons · 24/04/2018 17:09

I gave up work when I had my dc....don't regret it for a second!! Recently went back to work after 9 years off (now all my dc are in full time school) and love that too....but I wouldn't change the time off in had in their early years.

There is plenty of time to work when the kids are older and in school.

Rainagain1 · 24/04/2018 17:09

It's your choice to work or not. I have not properly worked for a long time and it is hard to get back into proper career type jobs and even more difficult if you want part time.

Your work have to consider any part time request seriously so could that be an option?
Ultimately if you don't want then don't.

Bluntness100 · 24/04/2018 17:11

Haven't had one of these threads for awhile.sigh.

If you don't want to work and your partner is happy to support do as you please. Just make sure you are financially secure now and in the future.

flopsyrabbit1 · 24/04/2018 17:12

agree your not doing nothing,many say going to work is easier than staying at home

the only thing i would say is make sure you have access to money,if buying your on the deeds basically that your not disadvantaged money wise

so many threads on here saying they have to ask DP for money,use their own savings to stay at home,not on the deeds etc

basically cover yourself financially

Oly5 · 24/04/2018 17:13

As long as you’ve considered everything you should do what you want to do.
Have you thought about what would happen if you split with your partner? How would you finance yourself? What about future pension? You might spend all your money on childcare now but that gets easier once they qualify for 15/30 hours and your earnings do help pay for things children (and teenagers) need and want. Are you sure you could get back into work after a long period out? Many women think they could but find they struggle.
If you’ve considered all these things then you should make the decision that’s right for you and your family.

Invisimamma · 24/04/2018 17:13

What happens if your husband decides he wants to stay at home to? Is he happy to support you not earning or contributing to the family pot?

Neither me or my dp wants to work so we both work part time. Good compromise.

TheHonGalahadThreepwood · 24/04/2018 17:13

As long as you, DH and DC are happy that's all that matters.

Just make sure that you do a little forward planning for eventualities like your (realistic) career prospects if you do need or want to go back to work, what will happen to your old age pension, what you would do in worst case scenarios like DH death or divorce etc, and make sure you and DC are fully protected. If DH is supportive of your being at home then he will want to help with this kind of financial planning.

TheHonGalahadThreepwood · 24/04/2018 17:15

That should have read "DH's death, redundancy or divorce".

Original poster
Mamabear1475 · 24/04/2018 17:15

I work in a sector that always seems to need more staff. No matter how many they have. So I'm confident I could find a job easily if needs be. And we have always lived as a what's mine is yours couple. So one person doesn't pay for certain things. The money goes together and then we just pay the bills that need to be paid and use the rest together

OP posts:
saison4 · 24/04/2018 17:16

I could just do myself. I worked in my job for almost 8 years so I have lots of experience and qualifications if I did need to go back to work

I have lots of friends who took a similar attitude and really struggled to get back after several years out of the workplace. And 8 years isn't really that much, is it?

Badwifey · 24/04/2018 17:16

I got a lot of those opinions when I made the decision to quit my job and stay home while also studying. The decision is entirely yours to make. Do not let anyone persuade you one way or the other. In my opinion it is always best to have a child at home where possible rather than in a creche. It can be very lonely at times so do be prepared for it. Best of luck

BlueSapp · 24/04/2018 17:17

Does anybody actually "want to work"?

Adversecamber22 · 24/04/2018 17:17

If you want to then do it but be aware you will make yourself financially vulnerable if it all goes wrong and you haven't planned things sensibly.

saison4 · 24/04/2018 17:18

also, are you married? if not you are only setting yourself up!

Viviennemary · 24/04/2018 17:19

It might seem an attractive option but it's often not a wise choice in the long term IMHO. By all means have a year or even two off but not working in the long term can cause problems. However, it's up to you in the end. But be aware of potential difficulties.

Viviennemary · 24/04/2018 17:20

Just to add agree with the above poster that it's a really bad choice if you are not married.

SeeKnievelHitThe17thBus · 24/04/2018 17:20

OP, however much the sector you work in needs staff, please ensure you keep your sklls up to date if you do this.

For as many "I want to stay with my young children" threads appear on here, there are as many "I'm trying to get back into work but it's been 6 years and I can't get an interview" threads. This is the right decision for now, but you need to ensure that you're not closing doors on easily getting back into the workplace as well.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 24/04/2018 17:21

I get a load of grief because I'm looking forward to going back... 'why did you bother to have kids, blah blah blah...'

You can't win. Do what you want.

Birdsgottafly · 24/04/2018 17:24

i'd just ask if they see Childminders, nursery staff and early years providers, all "doing nothing".

As for financial vulnerability. That depends on what you did, how much your mortgage is and other personal circumstances. There's as many women stuck in relationships because they could never afford their house, or work etc, because they rely on their DH's contribution.

IHATEPeppaPig · 24/04/2018 17:26

Are you married OP?! Just ensure that you are financially secure and that you are not leaving yourself vulnerable but stay at home if it works for your family. I was excited to go back to work and got comments like pp did - you can't win as a mother.

MIdgebabe · 24/04/2018 17:26

Although everything is shared at present, sometimes that changes when one person becomes solely responsible for the cash. Imagine how your oh might feel if he sees you at home enjoying your life and he's having a really horrid time at work ? It is potentially putting a lot of pressure on your oh.

I think You need to be protected from changes in the future and you need to give him the opportunities you are expecting to have.

ijustwannadance · 24/04/2018 17:26

Please don't think it's easy to find work after a gap. Especially nice child friendly hours.

rabbitsitter · 24/04/2018 17:28

If you don't want to work people will have a problem and if you want to work people will have a problem. They always have an opinion on this. "what will you do at home all day?" "aren't you leaving them a bit too soon?" Just do what you feel is best, you'll only regret it later if you don't.