To ask for the benefits of living alone

[TheScandinavian]

This is me soon, after leaving a abusive relationship. I have a DD, never lived alone before. Went straight from my parents home to marriage.

Please tell me the perks of living alone

You get to starfish the bed every night.

I’ve been living on my own for about 4 years now. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have people I can chat to any time of the day/time
I can have sex on my terms 😂
Same with if I want a cuddle I just make a call.
Plus ones aren’t a problem either. Even if
U don’t hook up with anyone, you will still find someone to go with you.

No-one will ever come home pissed and start yelling abuse at you. Or kick off because you've cooked something they don't like for dinner (or haven't cooked it at all).

You won't have to clean someone else's shit off the toilet, pick up their socks or their unpleasant dirty pants. You will never have to put up with sport on tv unless it's something you want to watch. You can listen to whatever music you want and read a book in peace without interruption.

And then there's the special bliss of getting into bed and lying like a starfish, just because you can.

Sleeping diagonally? SLEEPING STARFISH

I honestly think one of the reasons I've been single for 5 years is that I really really don't want to share my house with a man again lol. In an ideal world, you and your partner would live in homes next door to each other. You could get together whenever you want, but then each retreat to his/her own space and not get in each other's ways. Wouldn't that be grand?

Eleven years on my own now and can’t imagine wanting to live with someone again. Everything that’s been mentioned already. Typing this as I eat my dinner. I’m going out at 6.30 and couldn’t be bothered cooking so am having a sandwich. I love doing what I want when I want to without any comment. I also went straight from living with my parents to marriage and after a lifetime of being around others I have never felt so at peace.

Good luck. Wishing you good things, peace and contentment.

or even better, homes with a communal space in the middle, so there's no way they could comment or wreck my house at all!

uniquack that's what DP and I are trying to work towards. I've lived with just my kids for 8 years now and he has his own place (we've been together for a year). I LOVE living alone (I do 50/50 care with exP so I have a lot of child-free time).

I'd like to live closer to DP eventually but not sure about ever sharing a house again. Next door neighbours would be perfect

And I am never ever sharing a bedroom again. That's my red line

Being the only adult in the house is wonderful, OP. Especially after a crappy relationship.

Just the peace of it and the headspace. Not having to listen out for exH coming in then stop everything so that he could have my full attention as he would have a go at me otherwise. Not having to leap up and cook a meal when he got in.

Five years down the line I still relish the peace and quiet in the evenings.

I can read instead of watch TV. I have lovely feminine bedlinen. I let the dogs on the furniture :) I am at the age where quite a few of my friends are divorced or widowed and all of us say we will never share a house with a man again.

Things I cherish:

Having the house looking exactly as I want it with no-one else entitled to criticise.

Having people round as and when I want.

Equally, being able to shut the door and completely relax in solitude.

I'm a much more chilled-out parent and the kids are also seeing that a single parent can be capable, independent and happy.

I've got a dog

My budget is my own. I'm poorer (much poorer) and There's a chance I'll never own my own house, but I'm the one in charge of it - scary but liberating.

Living alone is beyond amazing!

You'll soon realise all the compromises and concessions you made without even realising (my ex always had the tv on - mine is never on, he hated having the windows open - mine are open all the time, he didn't mind rubbish left on the side - I really do).

You can start to fill your space with things you love. Decorate how you want (if budget allows, but if not just having your own photos or pictures up ).

Cook what you want, listen to what you want, watch what you want, lie on the sofa in your pants eating biscuits if you want.

Your home will become your sanctuary.

And I suspect you'll realise just how much extra work your ex caused you...

@Trilogy18 - yes to letting the dog on the furniture . Sleeping on the bed with you instead of being locked alone downstairs.

Oh it's bloody lovely.

As well as all the things mentioned above, you don't have to tolerate other peoples friends and shitty demanding family visiting, dominating, criticising etc. You make all the choices and all the rules.

No compromises!!!

I can't imagine ever wanting to live with a partner ever again.

Oh - has anyone else mentioned No Fucking Snoring?

I absolutely love living alone with DD after leaving an abusive ex. It's such a safe, calm, happy house! We make crafts, play dressing up, have baths together. I'm not answerable to anyone other than trying to be the best parent I can be. Heaven!

I lived alone for 3 years having lived with a bully before that.
I still refer to that time as the ‘glory days’!! Am now happily married with 3 DCs but that time living by myself was wonderful! As others have said living life on your own terms is amazing 😊
Personal highlights were having a cheese and wine evening for one on a Friday, and if I decided to change any of the decoration I just got on with it!!

Reading all these, I am so jealous. I had my own flat for 2 years and I miss it so much.

I've been single four years now & thought that was good, but I moved out of a shared house into my own flat last year & THAT is utter heaven.

What everyone else has said. Peace, freedom, independence, control. Nobody else can spend your money or make a mess & once you've shut your front door it stays shut unless you invite someone in.

There really is no down side to living alone. No bloody man head on my leg when I watch t.v.. No mess, clean bathroom, no compromises, no bloody roaring at the football. It's lush and I wish I'd divorced sooner.

I love it!

• No waking up with an abusive arsehole's head on the pillow next to mine.
• No 'yellow man syndrome' staining on my sheets/mattress/pillows
• I can cook whatever I fancy, at whatever time I fancy
• No being pestered for sex or dealing with sulking and snide remarks if not up for it
• No 3 hour debate over what to watch on TV (pointless anyway as he'd always win or sulk)
• No 3 hour debate on where to go/what to do each day (see above)
• I can choose what I wish to spend my money on. None of it is paying off someone else's debts
• No nights laid awake wondering if he is going to bother coming home and what belligerent state he'll be in when he does
• No heart sinking at the sound of the key in the door
• I can decide what is best for my kids without interference
• No having to deal with awful in laws any more

What's not to like?

Not feeling like you HAVE to speak to the OH.

I sit in pure silence after my DS goes to bed.....love it!!

Hours in the bath without some CF wanting a pee so you have to jump out.

He once made me take my 4 year old DD out of the bath, she was literally in there for 2 min. I should have known he was about to get ready was his answer. He then jumped into the bath I ran her, jumped back out again and expected me to put her back in. No thanks!

Had it been the other way around, he would have made me wait outside until he was finished, no way would he jump out of his bath for anyone but expect everyone else to do with for him without question. Selfish bastard.

The toilet seat will always be down

You can masterbate whenever you fancy it 👌🏼

These have all probably been said but I thought I'd add my favourite things

If the house is messy you don't resent it because it's your mess rather than someone elses plus you know what you're coming home to.

Complete control of the TV

Going to bed whenever you want, 9pm or 3am without worrying about waking someone up or being woken up.

Being spontaneous. Sunday morning me and DS decided to go out for breakfast and have a mooch around the shops. Wouldn't have been able to do that with my ex.

Having what you want for tea. If it's been a long day you can just make yourself and the kids a sandwich or beans on toast without another adult pulling their face at everything.

Basically I love not having to consider anyone else other than myself and DS. I really think I'd struggle to live with a man again to be honest and I'm only 26

I’m in the limbo of living with an exP while we wait for the house to sell. I am SO looking forward to having my own house again. Just me and the DC.

I’ve just seen a house that is pretty much perfect. It’s a joy not to have to give any thought to what he would want.