I don’t want kids, everyone else wants me to have them

[theunsureone]

Hi everyone, I’m 25 and currently single. I really don’t want kids, mainly it's because I have a super high gag reflex and lots of things make me sick, I can't even pick up after my friends dog without being sick on the grass so how can I change a nappy?

I've also had a few back problems and I’m worried that pregnancy is going to make it a lot worse.

Finally I don’t want to deal with the constant crying, lack of sleep and babies are so delicate I’m worried that something will go wrong.

Everyone including my mum says i will change my mind and I am being stupid over the whole gag reflex thing, they say it's different for your own child but I wouldn’t be able to wipe my mums or my sisters arse let alone change nappies all day. Mum really wants me to have kids even though my sisters have kids.

AIBU or selfish? Have any mother's have gag reflex problems? I know dads do but not mums :/

OP I think the bottom line is you are still young with plenty of time ahead of you to make such decisions. You may feel you don't want children now and that you couldn't physically cope with one but say you meet someone in a few years time and all that changes... You don't have to worry about it at all now.

@TeasndToast that makes sense! Oh I hate them! My neighbours laugh at me because when DP is away for work and I clean up the garden I wrap a scarf round my face and have bags (as in thick carrier bags) on both hands and my eyes shut to actually pick it up. Because it’s the sight of it too!

OP, you don't need ANY reason at all to not want children. It's a very personal choice. It's not obligatory.

Having kids is bloody hard work. I love them dearly. But I'm permanently knackered. I don't think this is uncommon!

I'd start telling your sisters that they have put you off. I guarantee that will shut them up. Your mother can expect all she likes. She can also shut up. They have no business putting pressure on you. Especially as you are so young.

You're single, so this isn't really a concern at this time. You don't have to want kids ever, or you can change your mind if/when you meet the right person. Whatever you decide is fine.

If I saw you throw up in my grass, I'd spray you with the hose.

I agree that you are quite young to make such a choice and you may well feel differently in a few years. Of course you may well feel the same. It's a bit silly having these pie in the sky discussions with people. Just say not interested in children or babies. And as for cleaning up after a dog. I've never done this sounds gross. Have done after cats and not nice either.

You sound younger than 25, that being said nobody is forced by you to have children. I babysat when I was 15, the child was sick, I was sick, I can currently catch my childrens sick in my hands. A poor gag reflex is not a reason to have children 🙄

You guys still haven’t answered the mum part, surely it doesn't smell or whatnot when it's your mum well i can tell you now it does and after walking into the toilet after my mum I saw all of the food I just ate being thrown back up again. Its not the only reason why I don't want them I don't want my back other body parts to suffer. I am worrying that I won't find a man that also doesn't want kids as not many men don't want them

If you don't want kids then don't have them.
If you change your mind then have them.
In the end your family can't force you to have children. It's all your decision.

A bit patronising suggesting she’s ‘a young 25 yr old’ !

@theunsureone it sounds like this is causing you a lot of distress. If you don’t want children, you don’t have to have them. Nobody can force you, and nobody should try.

I would absolutely have the gag reflex cleaning my mum. I don’t know why.

But why are you focusing on that? The rest of your post makes good points. It can ruin your body, you’re too young, you’re single, kids tak huge effort and money and you don’t want them! I’m only saying as a fellow involuntary gag reflex sufferer who also worried about nappies before having kids, it’s the one time it doesn’t seem to happen.

And I can’t even look at some things as it triggers it!

I am worrying that I won't find a man that also doesn't want kids as not many men don't want them

That's not true at all. What about the many, many single men out there who already have children? What about all the men who are just ambivalent, not caring either way? The men who are unable to have them in the first place? Not forgetting the men who actively don't want them at all (and there are lots of them).

Look it’s not a problem. You’re 25 and not in a relationship. Time isn’t ticking and there’s no man pressuring you

If you don’t want kids, don’t have them.

They’re hard work, they can sometimes be rather gross and yes they can fuck up your back. And your hips. Although I’ve never actually puked at a nappy or anything the boy has done despite having HG twice now.

Plenty of men don’t want kids, but do be honest upfront.

It’s a non issue. Just smile and nod and ignore. The gag reflex may well by psychological - that sort of thing reacts very well to therapy.

www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/pharyngeal-reflex

OP this article discusses non touch triggers such as sight, smell etc. It also discusses treatment.

Guess what it’s called? The gag reflex. Otherwise known as pharyngeal reflex.

I have no idea why your own baby's poo is not like other babies/people. Maybe it's evolutionary, because you have to deal with it so it breastmilk poo isn't horrible. Maybe it's something that develops when you're pregnant due to hormone changes. Many it's slow exposure like a PP says, or genetics, or a shared biome, could be many things.

But why are you trying to justify it? You don't need to, it's ok to not want children. I'm sure there are plenty of men who don't want them either or perhaps have older children already (if that's something you could accept).

If your mum says "I want grandkids out of you" (which is a weird thing to say) then decide on a phrase to repeat and tell her that. Maybe something like "that's not up to you to decide, and I don't wish to discuss it any more". Then repeat it calmly each time it's mentioned.

Spiteful that’s point I would never date a single man who has children, I wouldn’t date someone was sitting on the fence cause I don’t want to deny someone the chance to have a kid, I have to be sure that they don’t want kids and I tell guys this before meeting up so we don’t waste each other's time. I don’t want to fall out with anyone in my family this has all just come to a head with all of the baby stories in the news and my sisters having babies too

Couldn’t agree more and am sorry she’s being put under so much pressure. That’s certainly not going to help.

Seriously you're just worrying about things that aren't even an issue right now. You can cross all these bridges if/when it comes to it. Pointless worrying yourself about it now.

Again, answer this question: do you gag wiping your own arse? If not you'll be fine. It's exactly the same.

I think it must be something to do with repeat exposure because I have gagged when cleaning up my own kids vomit. And they are rarely sick.

I have an extremely sensitive gag reflux and at times have heaved at my own kids dirty nappies. I remember at one time having to wrap a muslin around my nose and mouth while changing nappies especially when I was pregnant with my second.

But I did it and moved on. Not really a big deal and certainly not one to worry about.

If you don't want kids, fine, they're hard work anyway.

Kids are very, very expensive. Your career dies a death. Kids take up your time, your headspace, you sacrifice such a lot. You've got to be very sure you want kids, and at the moment you DON'T! Look at it again in five years, and in the meantime spend your money on enjoying yourself

To answer your question about cleaning up after your mum: yes, as you're sensitive to that kind of stimulus, I'd expect you to have a negative reaction. Changing your own baby's nappy really isn't the same. I think your back problems could be more of an issue in terms of your physical wellbeing,

Jamon I already said I do gag quite a bit when wiping my own arse, so strangely I don’t think it will be different for my kids

So don’t have kids. Find a man who doesn’t want them or doesn’t mind. Ignore people who pressure you. Nobody can make you have children. You might change your mind, you might not. I didn’t.