I don’t want kids, everyone else wants me to have them

[theunsureone]

Hi everyone, I’m 25 and currently single. I really don’t want kids, mainly it's because I have a super high gag reflex and lots of things make me sick, I can't even pick up after my friends dog without being sick on the grass so how can I change a nappy?

I've also had a few back problems and I’m worried that pregnancy is going to make it a lot worse.

Finally I don’t want to deal with the constant crying, lack of sleep and babies are so delicate I’m worried that something will go wrong.

Everyone including my mum says i will change my mind and I am being stupid over the whole gag reflex thing, they say it's different for your own child but I wouldn’t be able to wipe my mums or my sisters arse let alone change nappies all day. Mum really wants me to have kids even though my sisters have kids.

AIBU or selfish? Have any mother's have gag reflex problems? I know dads do but not mums :/

I’m only going to address the gag reflex thing because I suffer an extreme version of it. I can’t watch the I’m a Celebrity Jungle eating challenges as I gag so bad my eyes stream with water and I make sounds so loud it sounds like I’m putting it on. It’s hard for anyone to understand unless you have it how bad it can be. I could never own a pet because of it.

I can’t change a nappy where there is a nappy bin because I gag and heave so badly it can make me sick. I can’t tolerate the smell of other babies nappies.

I had exactly the same worries as you about that. Then my own babies arrived and I was so surprised to discover that I didn’t gag at all with my own!! Really weird.

The rest of your post, well it’s too soon for you. I thought I’d never want children when I was 25. Could have sworn it.

I have 4 now

@bootLegging but they’re so delicious I actually vomited changing my friend’s son’s nappy when I was babysitting once! Not fun

I didn’t barf on the baby I have to add!

@Smeddum

But not due to gag reflex.

Despite it being "addressed" by @Teasandtoast, pharyngeal reflex seems woefully understood by people on this thread.

You really don't need to justify yourself or make excuses. Not wanting children, especially at 25, is as valid a choice as wanting them. People love to poke their noses in. Sometimes they really want to interfere, but more often it's a misguided attempt at showing an interest.
You might change your mind in the future, but that's for the future to take care of. In the meantime, don't bring children into the world to please anyone else. That'd be utter madness.

I don't get why you think my reasons are pretty weak, I don’t want to damage my health and I throw up every time I see nappies or dog poo,I go on walks with my uncle and his dog and when his dog poos and I’m with him I always throw up on a patch of grass behind a bush (no one in my family walks hence why I have to walk with my uncle and he always takes his dog). I don’t feel immature I’ve done a degree and masters and I’m currently doing a PhD so I wouldn’t say I'm immature.

The reason why I’m mentioning the kids thing is cause my sisters have had kids (eldest has 3 kids now and the middle sister has 2 with one being born last week) and now with the royal baby my sisters keep saying I bet you can't wait to have kids and they get horrified when I say I don't want kids. My mother also says well you will change your mind and when I say I don't want kids and I won't change my mind she says don't be stupid I want grandkids from you. This isn't fair :/

I wish there was support for more mothers with the gag reflex issue. I don’t see how it can be different for you own kid and yes I have been sick a couple of times after some instances of me going to the toilet, I used to be sick a lot but thankfully the situation is getting better after a lot of years..

Oh and for the record it's definitely not me sticking my fingers down my throat, why would anyone want to do that after going to the bathroom themselves?

Your choice

Some people can't cope with anyone wanting to do anything remotely different, it's so weird.

Have you ever sought any treatment for this extreme reaction to smells?

The thing about your own baby is that they were a part of you, they are not some random. Honestly the smells are not automatically disgusting. In fact a fully breastfed baby's poo is not unpleasant smelling at all.

@bootLegging actually my symptoms mirror Teasndtoast, which I thought I’d covered in my post. So off you pop and patronise someone else there’s a dear. HTH

Eh? Are you even with someone? I have idea why your family is pushing this unless you are in a secure, permanent relationship then I would assume you discussed this with your partner and not them.

Weird.

Tell them to fuck off.

Oh, and if you really don't want children because of this then you family will have to learn to accept it.

And maybe go for walks on your own, in areas where dog walkers don't go, to limit the reaction to seeing dog poo.

It’s not something that needs to be thought about at 25 so therefore not an issue really? Enjoy building your career, travel the world, go clubbing, have fun with your friends, be spontaneous & occasionally reckless, fall in love, or have great sex with people you aren’t in love with purely for fun, have adventures & lie ins & lost weekends...basically cram in as much fun as you can whilst you are young. Babies or no babies, you can decide later when you’re done doing all that!

The gag reflex is irrelevant really (unless you gag when you wipe your own bum, which is kind of how wiping your own kids bums is, in which case maybe get help!?)

And actually on another thread I commented to a poster that for smells which are overpowering or if I know there are going to be smells I can’t cope with, a bit of Vicks under the nose works wonders.

I can’t watch things like I’m a Celeb for the reasons mentioned above and people at school found it fucking hilarious that they could make me sick by talking about disgusting things. You’ve really pissed me off with your unnecessary patronising and shitty attitude bootLegging. No fucking need at all.

I don't think you even need to think about this now or justify it to anyone.

@idontdowindows Haha. Damn right.
Having kids is also like running a marathon: great experience, great camaraderie blah blah blah but really hard work and you can't do anything else while you're doing it. Only, kids are more expensive, and you can't back out.
Is anyone quizzing you about your elephant-keeping / marathon-running plans?

Patronising is sometimes entirely deserved.

I haven't invented 'gag reflex' issues.

So don't have them! This is your life and no-one else's.

I felt just the same when I was 25. I had a great time in my 20s and didn't feel that having children would make me happy in any way. Even once married I didn't suddenly feel massively broody. We decided to 'start trying' for kids in our early 30s, as we thought that if we left it too late we may have problems. We didn't have to 'try' for very long!

You may change your mind. You might not. You can have a fabulous life however you want.

Well bootleggin, either you don’t understand the condition at all or it is called simon other than ‘gag reflex’

As sufferers literally gag uncontrollably in a ‘reflex’ action I’m not sure what else you’d call it. Unless you are actually trying to tell us you know better than us about our own experiences?

‘Something other’ autocorrect

@bootLegging ODFOD.

@TeasndToast I think that’s exactly what @bootLegging is doing. Because some people like to come on the internet and randomly make people feel like shit for no reason. Not sure why.

FWIW, I get it.

Bootleggin are you suggesting we just ‘invented’ our physical reactions?

You don't know pressure until you're 34, newly married and have nieces, nephews and your friends have children.

I just smile sweetly, nod and think to myself 'no fucking way'.