I don’t want kids, everyone else wants me to have them

[theunsureone]

Hi everyone, I’m 25 and currently single. I really don’t want kids, mainly it's because I have a super high gag reflex and lots of things make me sick, I can't even pick up after my friends dog without being sick on the grass so how can I change a nappy?

I've also had a few back problems and I’m worried that pregnancy is going to make it a lot worse.

Finally I don’t want to deal with the constant crying, lack of sleep and babies are so delicate I’m worried that something will go wrong.

Everyone including my mum says i will change my mind and I am being stupid over the whole gag reflex thing, they say it's different for your own child but I wouldn’t be able to wipe my mums or my sisters arse let alone change nappies all day. Mum really wants me to have kids even though my sisters have kids.

AIBU or selfish? Have any mother's have gag reflex problems? I know dads do but not mums :/

You are young of course you don't want children. Tell you mother you will discuss it again in ten years time and not before.

Who wants children when you have the world at your feet at 25!!

Do some living and reflect on this when you are much much older

So don't?

Not having children is the original state, so no need to justify remaining childless/childfree. If you’re so mature I don’t see why you’re getting worked up about it. Maybe say “yes Mum, perhaps I’ll change my mind. Let’s give it 15 years and then we’ll know”. That will surely shut down the conversation?

I agree with others that your own baby’s poo is as disgusting as your own poo. That’s not a reason to have one. Babies are a drain on time and money. There are plenty around so no need to have one if you don’t fancy it.

@smeddum bootleggin isn’t making me feel shit I’m just laughing at the at the sheer arrogance of someone who does not suffer from a condition telling people who do that we don’t understand it and must be inventing our symptoms. What a muppet!

I don’t know how I can get treatment for this, the NHS is under enough strain as it is and I can't afford to go private to speak to anyone and yes lots of people said that baby poo doesn't stink, but it's very runny and if it leaks out all over me (which has happened a lot to my sisters) then I will be sick plus I will have a year I a year and a half at least of solid foods before they start toilet training so that is going to be vile :/

"Unless you are actually trying to tell us you know better than us about our own experiences?"

Absolutely this.

@TeasndToast it’s because the Wikipedia definition of gag reflex doesn’t fit what we’re saying I have no idea what it’s called then, because my doctor has always referred to it as gag reflex!
Arrogance in anonymity abounds on forums unfortunately, people who would never dare be so cheeky or offensive in RL do it with glee when there aren’t consequences. I guess that’s how some folk get their kicks eh?

@bootLegging aye, ok then. Still doesn’t give you the right to be patronising and rude.

Oh don't have them. Have a fabulous life. I do love my children but life is hard, they are expensive and I'm so restricted in where I can live, holiday, the hours I work.

You're only 25 - you've got plenty of time to change your mind...or not.

You shouldn't let the gag reflex thing stand in your way though. As a child, I used to be regularly sick at the smell of my own poo. I also cannot pick up dog poo without being sick. I can gag at even the thought of it. Even the sight of the black poo bags that filthy people leave in the woods can leave me heaving.

I have 3 children and it was completely different changing their nappies. I'm not saying I liked the smell of it, but it didn't bother me the way that other smells do. Tried to change a friend's child's nappy though and heaved all through that.

So don't have children. I'm not trying to persuade you. However truly and honestly your own child's output is not like other babies. It really isn't. There's probably a biological explanation for it to do with shared biomes or something.

Your decision 100%. My DS1 has decided he doesn't want children and I have no right to question his decision nor to try to convince him otherwise. It's between him and his wife. And I intend to not get in the middle of anything!

I'm assuming that your mum isn't trying to talk you into having a baby right now, but at some point in the future. So, quit arguing or defending. mWhy waste your breath on a non-event? Just say "But mum, I'm not even married! Why on earth would I make that decision now?".

There's going to be time enough to argue and defend your decision not to have children when you are married and/or when your mum thinks you are in a position to have one 'on your own' (if that's something she would support).

In very sensitive individuals the brain stem plays a much larger part and smell, sight and thoughts can trigger the same response as actual touch to the back of the palette. But what would we know eh? We only live it whereas others have read Wikipedia! My doctor advised extra strong mints to provide a counter narrative in my brain to the smell that triggers the ‘I’m swallowing this’ reaction. Unfortunately in most triggering circumstances you have no warning.

I can't even pick up after my friends dog without being sick on the grass

This would make me feel sick too.

I didn't want children at 25. By 35, I did.

You're single, you're very young, you don't have to make a choice right now.

I gag very easily but, if you can wipe your own bum, there's no reason why a baby's nappy should be a problem. Admittedly clearing up sick definitely is a problem, but that's not an issue that's confined to children. In my case, if I have to do it I will probably throw up also - making sure I get to the loo first! - but once that's done with I can get on with clearing up the rest.

I still don’t get how it can be different for your own child, by that line of thought I shouldn't gag at my mums and i know I would do :/

Except bootleggin you haven’t explained how you think you know better, what you think it is called and if you just think all the people on here with the same symptoms are just making it up. You also should explain why doctors call it the gag reflex?

Or are you just piping up with silly troll comments?

It hadn't even crossed my mind at 25!

@TeasndToast I’ll try the mints and see if that helps! But aye, with no warning it’s brutal!

OP I’ve no idea why it doesn’t bother me with my own children, I expected it to but it doesn’t. Not as babies and small children anyway. Bathroom smells as they get older I combat with open windows and air freshener!

I don't see how it must also hold that any child would be ok with their mother's. But I can see you're determined to doubt what people are telling you, which is your prerogative. If that's the only reason that you don't want children then I would think that a little sad, but it sounds like you're not interested generally and this is an extra concern that adds to the picture.

@theunsureone - it is completely different, it just IS. Trust us - you've had loads of replies from lots of posters all saying the same thing...it is absolutely different dealing with your own babies poo.
I have a really sensitive sense of smell and would regularly gag at hideous smells, or even sights...in fact, like a pp my friends sometimes thought it was hilarious to make me gag just by telling me gross things.
I've got two children and did NOT have these issues with them. Honestly.

theunsure that's because EVERYTHING is different when you have your own, don't you know that?

Don't want kids at all? Oh, it's different when they're your own. You don't want to deal with nappies? The shit smells like Thierry Mugler when it's your own baby. Can't deal with the sound of crying? Don't be silly, it's different when it's your own kid. Don't want birth injuries? Oh but getting ripped from arse to clit and crapping through a vasshole are worth it when it's your own. Christ, I even heard one woman being told that almost dying in labour and the subsequent PTSD "must have been worth it because it's your own baby".

If you know you don't want kids but take a chance and have them purely on the basis that "somebody said" it would be OK, then you're basically gambling with someone's life. Well, three people's lives really.

Smeddum I think it’s because it is psychologically linked and with your own baby you start out with those non smelly, new baby milk poos and work your way up. In therapy they use repeated exposure for things like this so I’m sure that’s part of it.

I also get the same reaction as you when looking at black poo bags. If I don’t look away quickly I ‘feel’ it at the back of my throat and the gagging begins. Although I know I don’t actually feel it my brain tells me otherwise.

But OP that’s really the least reason. You are not ready and might not be and that is the main reason to abstain.

I'm not sure why it's different with your own kids pooh/wee/saliva but it is. Your kids pooh is like your own pooh. I would find it disgusting to deal with another persons or persons babies pooh but mine is mine so.. Unless you have a problem with your own pooh, then you may have an issue with it.

Do you gag when you wipe your own arse, OP? Then you won't gag when you wipe your DC's, it's the same.