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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She made him wait for his pjs

136 replies

Myotherusernameisbest · 24/04/2018 00:46

Sil is a bit odd at best of times and we get on ok but not great. Over at hers this evening for dinner and about 10.30 dn (5) was sick. When we heard him crying out sil went up and we heard her say oh dear you've been sick dn, so I went up to see if she needed a hand sorting him out/stripping bed etc.

She had taken off his pjs and was wiping him down so I looked in a drawer for other pjs and pulled some out. She told me they were a bit too small but she had some downstairs. So I finished cleaning up dn while she went to get them from the laundry.
Luckily bed was ok as he had gotten out and had actually been sick in bathroom so easy to clean up.

Anyway, she was ages. Dn was tired and I wrapped him in a towel to keep him warm but all he wanted really was to get back into bed, bless him . Eventually sil came back and said, sorry I was so long they weren't ironed, I just had to iron them.

I just looked at her, I didn't really know what to say to that. Aibu to think of all the times to iron something, this really wasn't it.

OP posts:
ReturnofSaturn · 24/04/2018 04:03

Hm yes i think she thought that you would judge her...what with you already following her upstairs to stick your beak in.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/04/2018 04:22

I think there’s a bit of projection going on on this thread. Strange she ironed the pyjamas unless as suggested they were damp. However in this situation, the trouser waist will not be dry.

He11y · 24/04/2018 06:32

It’s obvious they were damp and it took a while to get them dry with the iron. The cuffs and waist band would have needed going over a few times.

The other option is she washes and dries the one pair and the others were at the bottom of a large ironing pile she’s not been near for a while and they were very badly creased - it’s possibly if they’ve been there a while.

DanceDisaster · 24/04/2018 06:39

Maybe a bit damp or because you were there or maybe to make them nice and toasty for him to get into. My mum used to warm our pyjamas on the radiator for after our bath, bless her.

Moreisnnogedag · 24/04/2018 06:44

Why did you go up and faff around? That sounds quite interfering and judgy to start with - "you can't possibly manage your own child, let me show you the right way"

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 24/04/2018 06:45

They were probably damp or she wanted them nice and toasty for your DN.

Either way not the crazy unkind Mum you’re trying to frame her as. And you could have snuggled him up in bed anyway.

SharronNeedles · 24/04/2018 06:49

Yeah, this makes me question you more than her

DelphiniumBlue · 24/04/2018 06:49

I don't get why you didn't just put him back into bed in a t-shirt?

OwlinaTree · 24/04/2018 06:56

Grin ironing pajamas!

SrDuess · 24/04/2018 07:02

I've never ironed pyjamas! They are the clothes I don't go out in so not too bothered if they're creased Blush hope he slept well and is feeling better in the end though

malovitt · 24/04/2018 07:02

I think it depends on how close you are. I would certainly go up to help strip and remake a bed whilst my sil cleaned up and changed the clothes of one of my vomiting nieces/nephews. It's another pair of hands. It would be considered odd if everyone sat there not helping in my family.
Funnily enough, my son would have freaked at having unironed clothes on when he was small. I had to iron everything or he refused to wear it - even socks and pants. (He does his own ironing now!)

ChinnyReckon1 · 24/04/2018 07:07

She knows you don't like her, you interfered when she didn't need your help and made her feel anxious. Then you came on to MN hoping to have people slag her off with you.

supersop60 · 24/04/2018 07:11

My ironing board is downstairs.

sashh · 24/04/2018 07:12

I never iron pyjamas

I never iron

Bluelonerose · 24/04/2018 07:13

My dm irons pjs.
She's batty as fuck Grin

InDubiousBattle · 24/04/2018 07:15

I agree with Chinny. The pjs might have been damp or that's just how your dn likes them. Either way she knows better how to manage her sick child than you. She probably assumed you dn would just get into bed to wait for her, which he might have done if you hadn't been there to wrap him in a towel.

MistyMinge · 24/04/2018 07:17

It's a tad unusual, but different strokes for different folks. I actually feel a bit sorry for her that you've started a thread about it. I hope she isn't a mumsnetter. I don't think this makes her a bad Mother, but I do think it makes you a shitty SIL.

bellanotte22 · 24/04/2018 07:24

Unnecessarily judgey tbh. Seems far more logical that there would be a reason for her to iron them. Seems mean to shame a mum who is trying to look after their sick child.

Original poster
Myotherusernameisbest · 24/04/2018 07:33

Was she afraid you'd judge her? Highly unlikely. I rarely iron so there is no way she would be worried I'd think less of her for unironed pjs. My dc are lucky if their top matches their bottoms.

Maybe they were a bit damp? could have been, but I think she would have said. or surely if they were damp you'd just fish out a tshirt and joggers or something?

Ages?" Define ages. It might have just felt like ages. It was about 10 minutes

If you're the sort who comes across in RL as the type of person as someone who posts on MN whether they've given ironed clothes out or not, I don't blame them. I can see where you are coming from with this if I was judging her for non ironed clothes. But I'm surprised she itoned them when she did and why someone would do that.

Even if not.....do you have kids? yes
If you have people over you may want to feel that you have everything under control for people staying over/visiting.Anxiety,innit. She doesnt have anxiety, she is a very much in control and confident person.

But why did you wrap him in a towel? Why not just pop him into bed to stay warm while waiting for the PJs? To cuddle him and I didn't want to put anything else on him as she was getting his pyjamas and didnt want him to have to get changed again.

If she hadn't ironed them you would have started a thread about the horrible tatty creased pjs your poor DN sleeps in. No, because even if they were creased to hell I'd have thought that much more normal than ironing them when a sick dn was waiting for them.

she knows you don't like her, and judge everything she does. No I dont judge everything she does, but I can't grasp things like this as to why it was more important to iron than just getting dn back to bed quickly.

So you went up and helped with one five year old boy, been sick just wanted his mum no doubt and started going in drawers to ' help' find pyjamas in her own house? She probably went down to say how weird you were and to count to one hundred to calm herself down to avoid telling you to butt out. You sound judgemental and interfering. I'd have been mortified at five to wake up to my mum and my auntie helping to wipe me down yes I helped because it would have been odd to ignore the fact dn had been sick and she was dealing with clearing it and him up and thought she would like a hand. I know where his pjs are normally because I have babysat him before lots of times. If someone was helping me clean up my sick child and bathroom I wouldn't be thinking they should but out and I don't think this was the case at all because she is the sort that would have just said, all under control thanks, dont need any help. Instead she asked me to finish cleaning dn off whilst she went in search of pyjamas.

OP posts:
ChinnyReckon1 · 24/04/2018 07:36

At 10.30pm on a work/school night I'd want you to not just butt out, but go home too.

Quartz2208 · 24/04/2018 07:36

I really thought this would be a mum deliberately making a child wait not one coping as best she could with a difficult situation

Either he likes them ironed due to sensory issues or as they were in the laundry damp and needed to dry or you being there got her in a flap about judging her (which you did)

RickOShay · 24/04/2018 07:37
Grin I would have helped too op. And i do think it’s odd about the pyjamas.
BertieBotts · 24/04/2018 07:39

Dunno, my DS will create and moan if some of his clothes are not ironed, especially trousers and hoodies. I taught him to iron them himself because I cannot deal with tantrums in the morning over ironing! I don't iron his PJs but if he was particular about it and I knew it would bother him when he was ill then yes I might.

I'm sure he was alright waiting for a few minutes TBH, it is a bit bizarre but hardly terrible neglectful parenting really.

Original poster
Myotherusernameisbest · 24/04/2018 07:43

Why did you go up and faff around? That sounds quite interfering and judgy to start with - "you can't possibly manage your own child, let me show you the right way" No wasn't like that. If the same had happened in my house with my DC I know she would have popped up to see if I needed a hand too. Just to sit downstairs and not help would have been a bit weird.

hope he slept well and is feeling better in the end though he went back to sleep and no further incidents, hopefully he will be feeling better today.

She isn't a mumsnetter so no worries there. I've never said she is a bad mum, she is a very good mum. But I honestly can't think of a single good reason for ironing his pyjamas at 10.30 at night when he was waiting for them to get back to bed.

For everyone saying she was annoyed I'd interferred. She would certainly tell me if help wasn't needed. So no issues around whether she wanted me there helping or not.

But seems iabu for thinking this is an unusal thing to do. Perhaps because I don't iron in general this would not even have crossed my mind to do.

OP posts:
Iputthescrewinthetuna · 24/04/2018 07:44

If my DC need PJs through the night for whatever reason, sickness, bed wetting, they are lucky to get a matching pair. I put on the first thing top and bottoms I can get my hands on. Only because they are tired and cold, I feel sorry for them while they wait the extra 5 seconds looking for a match. They would be so fed up if I ironed them! Or faint with shock that Mummy actually ironed