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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my son in girl's clothes?

194 replies

Embarassed123 · 22/04/2018 07:57

I'm a SAHM to DS who is 4 months old. He was an unplanned but very wanted addition to the family. We also have an older DD who is 3.

Finances are pretty tight at the moment, as although we did eventually plan to have 2 children, we weren't expecting to quite this soon! So far, I've been dressing DS in white babygros, but it's looking like he'll need new clothes soon.

I have all of DD's clothes from when she was a baby, and I was wondering if it would be mean to put DS in them? They are perfectly good clothes (no dresses as I find them impractical on small children, but loads of flowery tops and some trousers.

WIBU to put DS in some of the least offending outfits instead of spending money I don't have buying him a whole new wardrobe? I know random strangers would assume he's a girl, but in that case I could just roll with it.
Honest answers please, I need to know if I'm being mean even considering it.....

OP posts:
velourvoyageur · 22/04/2018 09:16

I think this topic is inciting literal violence.

Catsrawesome · 22/04/2018 09:17

It would be a shame for him to look back on his baby photos and see himself in girly clothes. His not going to thank you for it. Surely you can sell your daughters clothes and buy him some boys clothing.

Dieu · 22/04/2018 09:20

It's absolutely not what I would do. Cheap supermarket babygros, or an appeal on my local FB page for free or cheap baby clothes.

jamoncrumpets · 22/04/2018 09:20

Genuinely have had my mind blown by posters on here suggesting that a child would be in some way damaged by 'looking back' at pics of themselves in clothes designed for people with vaginas.

jamoncrumpets · 22/04/2018 09:21

Cheap supermarket babygros perpetuate the issue... IMO...

MarthasGinYard · 22/04/2018 09:21

So Op

Is this your first post?

Have you found this useful?

knottybeams · 22/04/2018 09:22

My 5m DS has a few bits from DD but a huge amount of girl's clothing is very girly, so wouldn't reuse that, (has gone to cousin anyway) but jeans/basic dungarees/primary colour t shirts, aran cardie etc why not!

AsAProfessionalFekko · 22/04/2018 09:23

I have a photo of me as a small child on the 1970s. Flares, floury blouse with bell sleeves and a Jason King-esque medallion. All orange and browns.

Dead God, now that is definitely traumatising.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 22/04/2018 09:23

Floury? Eek, I'm so traumatised I got my flowers mixed up.

Grilledaubergines · 22/04/2018 09:24

I would if I wasn’t in a position to do otherwise.

SOmeone upthread said that because girls were more likely to wear boys clothes, it sent a message that girls clothes were inferior. Bollocks does it, but you can fit just about anything to an agenda.

Generations have put clothes on babies which were ‘hand me downs’ regardless of pattern, style or colour. They did it without the fuss, need or approval or pats on the back.

ICantCopeAnymore · 22/04/2018 09:24

Last time I checked, dressing a boy in something marketed at girl babies didn't make his penis drop off.

Rockandrollwithit · 22/04/2018 09:24

I have two DSs. Had my second child been a girl, she would have been wearing all DS1's old clothes.

However I tend to buy gender neutral stuff anyway - not Cars / slogans / all blue etc

jamoncrumpets · 22/04/2018 09:27

Again, I repeat, don't buy overtly gendered clothing in the first place and this becomes a non issue. This is precisely why 70s/80s toddlers all ran around in red dungarees and brown velour tops all day - there was much less frilly shit around and fewer t shirts with 'little man' on them. None of us died.

kaytee87 · 22/04/2018 09:29

@jamoncrumpets op doesn't have a time machine though so not helpful

MarthasGinYard · 22/04/2018 09:31

'70s/80s toddlers all ran around in red dungarees and brown velour tops all day - there was much less frilly shit around and fewer t shirts with 'little man' '

Oh and How the bloody good old days Grin

That was me

Why is there so much of that 'little man' and 'daddy's little princess' shite about.

Someone out there actually buys it Confused

Thespringsthething · 22/04/2018 09:31

I was also dressed in brown cord dungarees (or green for a change), orange or red tops and a bowl hair cut done by my mum. Whilst it really is the least of my worries now, I didn't really enjoy wearing such plain clothes as a child, especially as I wasn't allowed Barbies or other 'girly' things such as a Girl's World, and by 6/7, I did rather wish I could have a pink dress rather than my super-practical gender neutral clothing.

I don't think it's related, I don't know why I hankered after the sparkly stuff in the Argos catalogue, I just did!

It's not a form of child cruelty, but I also think some people take a pride in dressing their children as scruffily and as 'out there' as possible (tutu with wellies, dirty face type look) and this kind of fits with that. If clothes were more gender neutral, it wouldn't be so much of an issue, but given they are, it's kind of making a point to dress your girl in your boy's clothes or the other way around. I would definitely reuse the more neutral stuff if it were clean, didn't have holes in and wasn't shrunk but get a few new tops as well.

jamoncrumpets · 22/04/2018 09:32

What a strange response Kaytee87, I wasn't suggesting the OP literally travels through time...

AsAProfessionalFekko · 22/04/2018 09:32

I still like dungarees. There, I've been damaged!

Mousefunky · 22/04/2018 09:32

Yep I would and have done but in reverse. My DD’s went in plenty of DS’ baby clothes and they aren’t mentally scarred from it.

Of course it’s absolutely fine unless you think he will turn into a drag queen as an adult as a direct result and that that would be a bad thing Grin.

jamoncrumpets · 22/04/2018 09:33

You can dress a child very smartly in gender neutral clothes. There's no need to make a huge statement. Just stick to primary colours.

Thespringsthething · 22/04/2018 09:37

But- where are all these reasonably cheap gender neutral clothes? If you buy in the supermarket, then there's two sections: girls and boys and pretty much every single item is very clearly segregated by colour and logo. Plus when children reach about 3, they recognize those social signals for themselves, and start asking for things with logos/fun/identifying with one gender or the other. It's impossible to bring children up gender neutral- my mum tried but I was like a magnet for Barbie dolls by the age of 4 because already by then I'd absorbed unhealthy messages about what girls do and are (play with dolls, have blonde hair) and trying to fight with this stuff by buying me a hammer and some nails did not help or make me want it less!

OohMavis · 22/04/2018 09:40

I was the younger sibling of four boys. I didn't own a single item of 'girls' clothing until I was six or seven.

I know it's deemed more socially acceptable for a little girl to dress in 'boys' clothes, but there should be no difference.

Do it and save yourself some money. He won't care.

SecretIsland · 22/04/2018 09:45

I wouldn't.

Most people (in rl) wouldn't.

Mn is not representative on issues such as this. 99% of posts will tell you it's fine to dress a male baby in pink flowery clothes. In rl you don't see it so rightly or wrongly, people will comment constantly, make Hmm faces and judge. If you won't be bothered by that, do it. If you will (I would be, I'd find it exasperating) then don't.

noeffingidea · 22/04/2018 09:47

I did it the other way round, (boy to girl) but I made a point of buying gender neutral colours - white , yellow, green, red, etc. I don't think it matters really. Having said that, if I was visiting relatives or doing something like going to a wedding I did enjoy seeing her in something 'girly', so shoot me. Or even just a little touch of pink, like a hat or something.
No of course it won't matter to your baby, but if you worry about what other people think maybe you should get one or two cheap outfits in 'boys' colours for special occassions.

Ghostontoast · 22/04/2018 09:49

My DM bought my DD a pale blue romper suit when she was four months old, matched her eyes.

I didn't have any issues dressing DD in it until she grew out of it but it made my MIL livid and she started-up a campaign against me, partly because of it.

By the time my DD was approaching her 2nd birthday, she liked to play with the display toys in the ELC shops especially the toy workshop set. My DH and I wanted to buy it as a present but we were too afraid of MIL's reaction (she had told family that we hadn't got her enough dolls as first birthday presents etc,).

I realise now we should have bought it for her - and told MIL to back off.

So what I'm saying is OP, dress your baby in what you want.