To put my son in girl's clothes?

[Embarassed123]

I'm a SAHM to DS who is 4 months old. He was an unplanned but very wanted addition to the family. We also have an older DD who is 3.

Finances are pretty tight at the moment, as although we did eventually plan to have 2 children, we weren't expecting to quite this soon! So far, I've been dressing DS in white babygros, but it's looking like he'll need new clothes soon.

I have all of DD's clothes from when she was a baby, and I was wondering if it would be mean to put DS in them? They are perfectly good clothes (no dresses as I find them impractical on small children, but loads of flowery tops and some trousers.

WIBU to put DS in some of the least offending outfits instead of spending money I don't have buying him a whole new wardrobe? I know random strangers would assume he's a girl, but in that case I could just roll with it.
Honest answers please, I need to know if I'm being mean even considering it.....

[ICantCopeAnymore]

Most people (in rl) wouldn't

Take heed! SecretIsland has spoken and she KNOWS most people

[SweetMoon]

secretsland it does happen in rl. How do you know the baby you see in the park is a boy or a girl?

When mine were little in the country they grew up it was common to reuse older sibling clothes. The amount of times I was asked if my baby,dressed in pink, was a boy or a girl by strangers was a lot! Because no one assumed based on clothing when they saw I had a toddler girl already.

[sausagedogsmakechipolatas]

I wouldn’t even think twice about it. Baby will be clothed and comfortable.

If he asks when he’s older I’d just tell the truth; that money was tight, he was adored by you and his sisters and that’s what matters, not brand new clothes.

(I actually did do this - youngest still has clothes from his older sister and is now 6. He takes no shit for wearing “girls” colours either because he doesn’t see “girl” coded things as lesser and loves glittery and bright. He has unabashedly put other boys right on the topic.)

[lynmilne65]

I wouldn't

[SecretIsland]

secretsland it does happen in rl

If course it does. But not commonly. Hence I said 'most' and not 'all'.

If you take mn as being representative of the population you'd think everyone dressed their ds's in 'girls' clothes. On mn it's modern and forward-thinking and proves that you're so secure you don't care what people think.

In rl there's a distinct lack of boys running around in pink flowery tops and princess dresses 🤷🏻‍♀️

[blackteasplease]

I would totally. Ds wore some clothes that were obviously marketed as "girls" when he was small. Including an outdoor all in one thing because those are expensive.

Ex H looks back on photos of himself in a pink coat handed down from his sister and doesn't combust or anything. His Mum sensibly says "We wouldn't have afforded to go on that holiday if I hadn't reused things

I didn't buy pink and flowery type stuff for dd as a baby becuase it wasn't my taste but she got lots of gifts. I really quite like the neutral stuff for both sexes but the dinosaur laden "boys" things also appeal to me.

I agree wholeheartedly that clothes don't have a gender.

But I also think it sad that it's cool for a girl to wear boys things but a boy is considered to be mistreated by being demoted into girls ' clothes.

[Angie169]

I agree with most of the post , as long as he is warm and comfy thats all that matters . who says boys can not ware pink ? the only line I would draw was if you had some thing baby girl / little lady etc .
If you really are that concerned ,
Do you know any mums with DCs of the same age that you could swap your DCs clothes with .
Going forward may be buy your DD more gender neutral clothes so that DS can ware them later.
I wore my brothers old clothes for years and certainly did me no harm at all .

[ZanyMobster]

I probably wouldn't, not because I have any huge issue with it or anything but I would just sell the girls clothes and buy something else. Neutral stuff is fine but I wouldn't put them in clothes that were obviously made for girls.

My DSs had tops that were from the 'girls' sections as often girl characters they liked were only ever on 'girls' clothes but otherwise I would pick more neutral stuff or boys stuff.

ebay does great deals on bags of baby clothes

[Teggun]

@Grilledaubergines

SOmeone upthread said that because girls were more likely to wear boys clothes, it sent a message that girls clothes were inferior. Bollocks does it, but you can fit just about anything to an agenda.

Why do you think it is so clearly less acceptable to dress boys in 'girls' clothing?

I don't for a second think that parents intend to send a message when they dress their children. They are simply conforming to the norms that 'society' has imposed. But the message is there nonetheless. Not that girls clothes are inferior - but that it is somehow damaging for a boy to have / display / be exposed to so-called 'girly' attributes. But not the other way round. Why would that be the case unless the 'girly' attributes are less valued than the 'boyish' attributes?

Clothes are clothes, children are children.

[jamoncrumpets]

People are misunderstanding, either deliberately for arguments sake or through sheer ignorance, the difference between dressing children in relatively gender neutral clothes and dressing them in heavily gendered clothing with captions and/or frills.

Nobody is saying you have to dress your DS in flowers or lace, because you don't have to dress your DD in that stuff either.

[BertieBotts]

Years ago all baby boys wore dresses! Just say you're being vintage.

Clothes serve a practical purpose at this age, not an identity one. That comes later when he expresses a preference. As long as they keep him clean and a good temperature what's the problem?

[DancingHipposOnAcid]

Given the amount the contestants on drag race are pulling in, maybe I should have pushed the pink tutus more!

[ZanyMobster]

I must say, as much as I know it does happen in RL it does seem it's only ever a huge issue on MN. I had a big group of 'mum' as a SAHM for a few years and there was a mixture of boys and girls, they generally were in neutral clothes or clothes leaning more to their gender.

It was never this way because we all have such set views of how boys/girls should be but because we don't have any hang ups about it. Boys are boys and girls are girls, they may prefer dolls/cars/football/ballet whichever sex they are but they are still boys and girls at the end of the day and that's nothing to be ashamed of, we certainly never discouraged so called girls or boys toys for either sex. We also never thought of either as inferior.

I seriously think mumsnet makes a big deal of the whole gender issue. Put your DS in them or don't, whatever you are comfortable with but don't feel you should for any other reason other than you want to. It doesn't make you uncool or prejudiced if you don't.

[reallyanotherone]

In rl there's a distinct lack of boys running around in pink flowery tops and princess dresses

How do you know this? Do you check the genitals of all the children you see in dresses and pink flowery tops?

A prepubescent girl’s body shape is very much like a prepubescent boys. Swap clothes and people assume gender based on the clothes, not physical identifiers.

My child was the “boy running round in dresses and pink flowery tops”. When i referred to her as “she”, people would correct me, the childs mother, and point out i had a boy. I would be asked by strangers why i had let my child out in his sisters clothes.

The reason? She had short hair. Apparently 99% of the population assume a child with short hair in a dress is male. The concept of a female with short hair is so alien to them they would argue with me over the sex of my own child.

[wejammin]

My DC1 is a boy and DC2 is a girl. DC2 mostly wore and still wears DC1's clothes. She has plenty of dresses given to us by friends but despite saying her favourite colour is pink, will point blank refuse anything that has a skirt or frills on.

DC1 on the other hand, adores sequins and sparkles and his favourite clothes are mostly ones that have been given to us for DC2. Because he is very small for his age, he tends to fit most of them. His pink light up sketchers are his most treasured possession. He is in year 1 at school and loves football and superheroes and wrestling, his favourite tv show is my little pony. No other kid cares about this stuff, it's all imposed by adults with wierd restrictive gender norms.

DC3 is on the way and they will have a cross section of all types of clothes to choose from.

We can afford new clothes but it is so ridiculously wasteful when it comes to children's things, especially tiny baby clothes.

[allthegoodnameshadgone]

Can you eBay what you have of your daughters and buy some boys stuff with the proceeds?

[Lemontart25]

OP you have had plenty of suggestions to sell/swap your girls clothes. Is that an option?

[TidyDancer]

Clothes are clothes. Babies genuinely don't give a shit what they wear as long as they are not too hot or too cold.

I would love anyone who has a problem with the sharing of clothes in this way to articulate exactly why they feel that way. I can't think of any sensible reason for it.

[MarthasGinYard]

Have you enough 'material' yet Op

[Teggun]

@wejammin - that is how it should be. But is rare for boys to have that freedom of clothing choice.

[blackteasplease]

Just an anecdote:

I remember actually buying a pair of amazing neutral (in my opinion!) dungarees from another Mum who was selling off her son's stuff for dd. Then it transpired she has a dd born on the very same day as dd but she didnt think the dungers were girly enough! It wasn't they dodnt fit but she though beige dungarees with giraffes on were just for boys!

[BoxsetsAndPopcorn]

I'd swap or sell them and buy the right gender. I'd not dress a boy as a girl.

If finances are that tight I'd work on increasing them rather than subject the children to a life of little.

[jamoncrumpets]

'A life of little'!!! Wow.

[Flutist]

YANBU. It doesn't matter what a baby wears in the house. I'd buy a few cheap or second hand boys outfits for when he goes out. Perhaps sell a few of the more girly items to afford this?

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

I have experience families and children who have a life of little. And it’s distressing
And I can reassure you that life of little doesn’t=A loving mum and clean preused clothes
Please don’t be so harsh to someone trying to get by
Boxsets,if you're fortunate enough to have a full fridge,disposable income,ability to go buy new clothes spontaneously, that’s super. unfortunately it’s not the case for everyone. And unkind criticism and comments doesn’t help op