to ask how you deal with your children’s terrifying hobbies?

[Springersrock]

DD2 is mad on horse riding, has been for years, and last year we were able to find her her first pony.

DD is having an absolute blast and is completely fearless, I trust her riding instructor, pony is pretty bombproof but I am fucking terrified.

I avoid watching, but DD gets upset that I’m not there to see her ride.

I think the issue is that I don’t ride, so don’t really understand wtf if going on. I just see this big-ass animal with my little girl on the back.

If I’m honest, horses frighten me a bit (DH and DD are the horse fans). I’ll happily muck out, cart barrows of shit, fill haynets and haul water buckets, but not so keen on the actual horse bit.

DD has a jumping lesson his afternoon and she’s begged me to watch her and I just want to cry thinking about it

Thanks!

You just have to suck it up I'm afraid. Both my DC have had terrifying hobbies and I've watched every possible moment. I turned myself into their biggest cheerleaders and just got lost in the moment. Afterwards, I've been a shaky mess but held it together at the time so they could see me being proud and supportive.

I think it's one of those things that will get less scary the more you force yourself to do it. You'll get to know the pony a bit and when you're more familiar with it you'll maybe be able to trust it.

I do absolutely see where you're coming from - with me it's rollercoasters; I just can't watch my DCs on them and would rather stick pins in my eyes than have to endure a day out at somewhere like Alton Towers.

Thanks!

I was fine back in the early days when it was a bit of trotting and cantering but now it’s terrifyingly (to me at any rate) high jumps and I have The Fear.

I was also a lot happier when she was on plodder riding school ponies. DD’s is a bit more frisky.

I have to watch the whole lesson today. I usually watch for a bit then go and muck out or something when it starts to get a bit uncomfortable but I’ve promised

Maybe book yourself a course of lessons. When you understand the basics of riding yourself, you'll maybe find it more interesting to watch as you'll be aware of the subtle directions your DD is giving her horse.,

Or it could make you more terrified.

Horseriding? Terrifying? Really?

Mine has a terrifying hobby that evolved into a job. From when he first started, I insisted he always followed safety procedures and stopped if he felt it wasn’t safe.
Unfortunately, having children and loving them leads to a lifetime of being brave and waving them off on exciting journeys with a smile whilst thinking ‘My Baaaabyyyyy’ and hiding the anxiety. You need to practise acting happy for her.

My 22 year old DS has had more and more terrifying hobbies as he has got older. I've got used to it mainly by putting it out of my head as much as possible. You have my sympathy!

I rode for 30 odd years and I have to say my mum coped admirably considering she never rode herself. I’m just delighted my two boys show no interest in horses at all as I happen to agree with you, the thoughts of seeing them doing the crazy stuff I did would horrify me.

I will probably have to deal with motorbikes though when they’re older 🙈

Ha, I remember sitting in a children's a&e when my eldest was a baby on a Saturday afternoon and watching processions of teenagers being brought in in either rugby gear or riding gear, put me off both.

You can't protect them from everything though. Accidents will happen. The person I know who had the absolute worst hobby-related accident was just having a kick about in the local park and just fell over. Months in hospital and years before he could walk properly again.

I don’t think learning to ride will help. You just understand the risks more! As others have said just grit your teeth and smile and eventually it will be easier. Not sure the worry ever goes though

DS started doing mixed martial arts at 9 and by 12 was cage fighting and working towards his black belt. That was terrifying but was an excellent workout and his sensei was very good at ensuring there was no aggression worked out on other people (anyone who was upset or angry after being caught unexpectedly would be asked to use a punch bag until they were calm). He stopped doing it at 15 when he developed a hamstring problem unrelated to the sport, but his physique is still very muscular and like a brick shithouse even if he is as soft as anything.

I found I coped by not watching him fighting. I watched the MMA patterns and weapons training (with sticks and knives!) on the mat solo, but when he went into the cage I would go for a walk.

Thanks all

I’ve got better since DD’s had her pony but I don’t entirely feel comfortable around horses. I don’t think I fancy getting on one.

I didn’t think DD had noticed, I’m around at the beginning, make an excuse to muck out or something then come back for the end. I had thought I was being discrete but obviously not.

DD has the stuff - helmet, body protector when jumping and I insisted she had safety stirrups (my big fear was her falling off, getting a foot caught then getting trampled) so we’ve minimised the risks as much as we can I think - and nothing very bad has actually ever happened .

She’s fallen off a fair few times but has always laughed it off and got straight back on - my fixed grin is slowly turning into a grimace

Not a mum but a teacher and I recently went to watch a lot of the boys in my form playing in a rugby final. I actually found it hard to watch, I was a bit blind sided by it because I love to watch them in other sports and they are very successful as a rugby team so I was really excited to be able to make this match but it was kind of traumatic tbh (without meaning to be overly dramatic!)

She will think you think she’s no good, or don’t care or your anxiety will affect her confidence. Please try.

I have been where you are. I remember standing watching a Pony Club event and seeing my then 8 year old flying round the cross country course. I was cheering with the other mummies but inside I was praying,”Just let her be safe, we don’t need to win just make her safe.” She is in her 40s now and worrying about her sons’ rugby.
You can’t do anything except make sure you have a safe pony and a good helmet and back protector.

I was horse mad as a kid, my mum is also frightened of horses. It used to make me really sad she never watched me as I was actually really good. She never let me have my own pony though.

27 years later I bought my own and never tell her when I fall off. Luckily it doesn't happen with too much regularity! 😂

My DM never watched me ride either - she was scared of horses. The whole pony thing came from me. She blames Grandstand with endless racing and Lucinda Green.

However she got out of watching by doing night duty so she was often asleep so riding became my dad's thing - he even learnt and he wasn't remotely horsey either.

I appreciate getting a job which means you are asleep each time she is riding is a fairly major solution, but it is a solution

bit drastic, but 🤔

She went out with the local bloodhounds a couple of months ago, DH went with her, I had to go to work for a few hours - even then I got nothing done as I was shitting it the whole time

Try not to worry about it too much. When you're a kid and fall off a horse, you pretty much just bounce and it's rare that injuries happen. Lost count of how many times I fell off as a kid and never broke a bone. Never had a body protector back then either and the ponies were terrible. I've only recently broken my leg falling off a horse and that's after 20+ years of riding.

My mum coped well really any time she saw me fall off. Once I was jumping and the horse fell over and flipped, sent me flying. She didn't get up as I was standing again about a second after hitting the ground, so she knew I was fine. She knows trying to stop me is futile, I was trying to get back on the horse after I broke my leg! In my defence I didn't know it was broken at the time, I thought I'd just jarred it badly.

Spend more time with the pony, give it treats, brush it, learn to lead it. My mum only struggles to lead my horse because he stood on her once and broke her toe, but he is much much bigger than your daughters pony, that is unlikely to do damage if it stands on you. Get some steel toe cap boots though so you don't worry. Your daughters pony will be a good place to start as it will have manners and behave.

I fell off a lot. Am 67 and relatively undamaged

I don't go and watch too often, when I do I check out where the paramedics are parked and how many paramedics in ambulances there are parked up, I count them.
I look to see where the marshals are posted, and find a spectator spot so I can watch with good view, and can physically see marshals and paramedics.

I have been very tempted to ask where the air ambulance can land (it's part of the risk assessment) but I never need to because generally I watch it land at least once every 3 or 4 events.

It's fucking terrifying.
When I can't go, I physically relax when I hear them pull up in the drive way, I obsessively check my phone all day, fully expecting a phone call or message.

5 years into my son's hobby with nothing more than huge bruises, others...not as lucky.

Lots of people ride all their lives without ever having any injuries. Serious life changing injuries are very very rare.

I've ridden since I was 9 and know lots of horsey people. The two people I know who had really nasty injuries both had them happen in pretty innocuous ways (one tripped over a curb while drunk, one falling down some stairs!)

Yes, it is dangerous but it's possibly not quite as dangerous as you think?

YANBU. It sounds like you are taking all the sensible precautions that you can.
Others are not hacking out alone, and ensuring someone in any riding party has a functioning mobile.
It is relatively dangerous as activities go, but the absolute risk remains small. I rode and very occasionally still do. I was happy for my dd1 to have lessons but she didn’t enjoy it so it wasn’t for long.
YANBU to feel anxious, but I think you are right not to let it stop her riding.
I’m not from a horsey background or current circle, but know a few riders and grew up in the country. Most of the keen riders I know have had a minor injury or two over the course of years riding; broken collarbones, arms etc. But I may be unlucky in also knowing of two fatalities, both head injuries, despite wearing helmets. These fatalities were very unlucky and possibly unpreventable, but I’d always buy the best helmet I could.

I'm terrified of horses (I was chased by some of the local bullies on them when I was a kid) - thankfully the sight of the mud at the riding stables we pass on the way to other stuff has so far deterred the kids from even considering it as a hobby - mud and poo = no thanks in their minds.