My refusal to be God parent 20 years ago!

[Pettynotvindictive]

I'm not religious.

I don't have any issue with people following religion, I'll respect your choice but it's not for me.

20 years ago, a friend asked me to be God parent. I was flattered and politely told them no and just said if you need me to look after the baby if anything happens, I just would. I don't need a ceremony to ensure it!

I don't attend church (nor did they).

Said friend has now told me she can't believe I knocked her back.

I should've just said yes and got on with it, God parent is a honorary role not a serious one.

Now, I've been part of this child's life. Our kids were raised together but now this has really fucked me off. Maybe I'm being touchy but if you don't believe, should you fake?

Or is she a dick?

sentMai, being a Christian does not mean believing the whole Bible is literally true, or appropriate to follow now in its entirety. That is a fundamentalist view, and while some Christians are biblical fundamentalists, most are not. Curiously, many atheists, if they choose to read the Bible, read it in a more fundamentalist way than most Christians.

sentMai

You are suggesting that Christianity is just a collection of rules taken from the old testament. That isn't Christianity. The teachings of Jesus make it clear that Christians aren't expected to blindly follow the old 'rules'

As for the Godparents thing you were right to decline if you are an atheist and as you are not baptised you may have had to lie about that to even take part but if your friend is an atheist then I wonder why they didn't have a naming ceremony.

As for the poster who says vicars resent baptising children whose parents do not attend church I think this is rather sad. I have a vicar friend and I know she would see it as an opportunity to meet members of her community and perhaps show them something of the God she believes in.

Well, sorted...

Had a lovely meal with a very lovely young man.
He told me he asked her why she picked who she did for godparents and she got upset. I honestly didn't realise there was such resentment.

He told me that he has never viewed me any different and still doesn't.

He is and always will be important to me.

Spoke to friend. Ended up calling me a bitch, I called her a stupid cow as only true friends can.
We laughed, friendship continues.

I help out with baptisms at our local church. I get very frustrated at people who don’t attend church but insist on having their child baptised. During preparation meetings I do suggest that if there is no commitment to bringing the child up in the faith of the church, then a naming ceremony or a welcome ceremony might be more appropriate.

When Godparents tell me they don’t believe in God, I very quietly explain to them, and the parents that they cannot be included in the register as godparents.

We’re both aetheists and so are most of our friends. We asked two if our oldest friends to be godparents. We used that description because their isn’t a non-religious alternative title (unless anybody knows of one?), but there’s no religious element to it. We were happy to use the term in the same way that we say ‘goodbye’ without worrying that it started out as ‘god be with you’ or similar.

Possibly has been said but if you are not religious then you should not be godparent. So YANBU. Most churches have become relaxed and don’t ask for paperwork but you are supposed to provide proof of your own baptism/christening and also confirmation.

I agree with you OP. Dh declined to be a Godparent for our friend's first child for exactly the same reasons as you, the parents accepted his response and chose someone else, it has never been discussed since.

I recently attended a family Christening and could not bring myself to join in with any of the ceremony (perhaps it was hypocritical to attend) but my other family members did. Most of them have not been to church since they were children and are non-believers. I just don't understand why they didn't just have a naming ceremony rather than a religious service when they clearly don't believe.

Your friend is being unreasonable to bring it up so many years later.

I think I'd be quite hurt if somebody refused to be godparent if I asked them to. You need to explain your reasons and they are valid ones if you don't believe in God you can hardly make the promises of a godparent. But not everyone feels this way as can be seen by some replies here.

Anyone who drags something up after 20 years is a twat.

Who the fuck lets something like that fester for so long?

Sad fuck she is.

YANBU OP.

Did I imagine the fact that this was all 20 years ago?

We were asked by a colleague of my husband's about 25 years ago, to be Godparents to their new baby boy. DH was obsessed with this bloke at the time. His new BFF, a bit of a lad, had guns in his house (not loaded, just for show,) and my quite immature at the time DH thought he was the dog's bollocks. DH was early 20's, this guy was 36, his wife was 21.

They asked us to be Godparents, and although DH was (and still is) atheist, he jumped at the chance. I am not atheist, and much to DH's dismay at the time, I said no. Fact was, I didn't like them, and I had no interest in having any kind of responsibility for their sprog.

It caused quite the argument at the time, but I wouldn't budge. I said 'you don't even believe in GOD, why would YOU want to be Godparent?' He wanted to do it because it would please his friend. He said 'WHY won't you do it?' and pleaded and said 'PLEASE do it.' I told him NO as I can't stand them.' DH was proper pissed off and even told his BFF that he would just do it on his own. But he said no as he wanted 'couples' only.

It wasn't long before his BFF started to avoid DH a bit at work, and found a new BFF. DH blamed me for months for his little friend finding a new BFF. Thankfully, he realised after a while, what a massive arse he was being, when his (ex) BFF got his NEW BFF into a lot of trouble, which ended up with the two of them doing time.

I wouldn't agree to be a Godparent either as I'm an atheist and I'm trying to avoid being a hypocrite as much as possible as I go through life. I would expect a true Christian to understand this and prefer not to have an atheist as a Godparent.

Incidentally, this is one of my criticisms of people who profess to be religious but clearly don't take it seriously except when it's convenient or desirable for them I.e. they want to get married in a pretty church, have a nice christening, get their kids into a CofE school...

I think I'd have said something along the lines of I'd have been happy to be an official not-god-godparent - was it at the end of 4 weddings and funeral when they got officially - between themselves - 'not married'? I can 't remember exactly how they phrased it but something like that - anyhow, I'd have offered my services along those lines. Or maybe as an accompanying atheistparent or had a discussion about terms that you could use that would have meant that you created some sort of commitment without it being anything religious or without saying that you would be a guardian as that is different and specific (and legal) again.

When I had DS, I was just turned 21 and my relationship with his dad and the shame of being stupid enough to get pregnant by he pollock had pushed most of my friends away. When I had him Christened, I chose family. 100 times I've wished I had made more of an effort to reconnect with my friends and I know that if I could Christen him again tomorrow, I would have the best most wonderful people as Godparents for him. Just because they're not his Godparents doesn't mean that they're not a very important part of our lives and they're hopefully going to still be for years to come!

I'm glad you and your friend were able to laugh and make up.

I did the same, OP.

I am an atheist, as anyone who even vaguely knows me is very well aware. Nevertheless, I was asked to be a godparent to my cousin’s child.

I had to very carefully and tactfully explain that for a confirmed atheist who believes that religion is, to put it as politely as possible, complete and utter nonsense to make religious vows on behalf of the baby would make a nonsense of the baptism ceremony.

Fortunately, my cousin accepted this and asked someone far more suitable than me to do it.

I am a godmother to two children but my atheist beliefs have grown since then along with my own confidence in what I don’t believe in! I am still close to both but choose a non- religious stance on hopefully helping guide them through this thing called life! I have been asked and refused since on this basis. When my own DD was born we had a ‘naming ceremony’ in lieu of a traditional christening. She has equivalent ‘guide parents’ who pledged in their own words in front of everyone to help me raise her and she benefits greatly from their influence. Interestingly I am named legal guardian for one of my original god-sons and his brother as well but my daughters legal guardian should anything happen to me is my sister and I am same for her three girls. My sister and the mother of the boys are not allowed to go anywhere together in case of a freak accident that would leave me the single mother of 6! I object greatly to religious tourism feeling it is disrespectful to genuine believers, that goes for church weddings, christenings and funerals. I was christened but I don’t want any other religious ceremonies in my life now.

I was never baptised, even though my DM was a believer and we all went to Church twice on Sundays, members of youth groups choir etc. She didn't see the point. I had godparents though, who I was very close to and always supported my parents. Isn't it the actions that are important rather than the words and promises. My own DC have "god parents" who have been, frankly, useless.
OP Yanbu, especially if you have been involved in the child's life. Your friend is an idiot.

My son was asked to be a god parent last year he is only 19.
He said no for 2 reasons, he isnt at all religious, and he was just too young to fully comprehend what it meant.
He felt bad saying no but in his words he felt it was better to be honest

I've always said no - I couldn't stand up there and make vows I had no intention of keeping.

I think you need to do what's right for you. I am close to my godmother (My mum's godaughter is my godmother's daughter) and I grew up with her daughter like sisters. That would have happened anyway. A relationship is what you make it.

YA definitely NBU. I have a godmother who I think is now an atheist, but is certainly a non-attendee of church and a godfather who is a rapist. I can't see good christian values being taught by either of them, although I love my godmother dearly. Godfather can take a long walk off a short pier anytime he likes.
I was raised by a fundamentalist christian and now have no time for religion so I would say I'm an agnostic at best. We had a humanist wedding and were glad to be honest in our vows. Since our son was born 5 months ago, I've considered having a naming ceremony but never considered a christening. Round these parts its just another excuse to throw a party and they seem as flash as wedding receptions. The hypocrisy is astounding. And the godparents I know are not religious, not churchgoers and the kids won't be either. So why aren't people honest with themselves? A christening is mostly for show and the godparents are more than likely "guideparents" instead.
I asked one close friend to be "oddparent" to DS as none of us are normal sorts but kind of feel guilty that I didn't ask my other best friend. I chose not to because she IS religious and I don't want her raising my son as a christian. He can choose whatever he likes when he is old enough but in the meantime I'd rather he learn kindness, cynicism, love of books and friendship from a bunch of atheists than be signed ed up to a corrupt misogynistic cult that will tell him what to think before his personality is fully formed.

She’s an idiot. Our best friends are not religious and didn’t want a christening. However much bigger honour was that we were asked to be formal guardians to their children should something happen. This was written into formal documents and something we took more seriously than just a casual thing. If she was serious she could have done the same. You should let her know this

I’m a churchgoer and my DS has two sets of godparents (I know, I’m greedy!). One couple are the people who brought me into that church in the first place and I know will take very seriously the commitment of raising him in the Christian faith. The others are one non-practicing Christian and one atheist. I checked with the church if this would be OK and with them if they were OK with coming into the church - fine all round. The atheist skipped the bits of the vows he wasn’t confortable with and helped out in crèche through the sermon!
I think it’s a bit sad that you didn’t discuss it in more depth and come to an agreement you were happy with at the time. A friend of mine has chosen ‘guideparents’ for her DC - a totally secular version of a godparent without the religious element, which I think is a lovely idea for someone who is not religious.

My late DH was godfather to his own mother!
I imagine it’s quite a rare occurrence.
She was a prisoner of war as a teenager during WW2, and her particular branch of Christianity did adult baptism, so she missed out on it. With all the upheaval post war, she didn’t get around to being baptised until she had several children herself, and after her son had already been confirmed. So he stood as her godfather.

being a Christian does not mean believing the whole Bible is literally true, or appropriate to follow now

• Who decides which bits are true and which bits are ‘symbolic’. Which bits of the bible are ‘ok to ignore’?

• the creation story?
• the talking donkey?
• the rules that you should kill - unbelievers, disobedient children, homosexuals, women who have been raped, those who wear mixed cloth?
• the rules not to commit adultery, not to kill, not to ‘disrespect parents’, not to envy what someone else has?
• angels?
• the virgin birth?
• that Jesus came back to life?
• that heaven and hell are real?
• that there is life after death?
• donate AT LEAST 10% GROSS income to the church?

At what point do you stop actually being a Christian? Could I say ‘I’m a Scientologist, but I don’t believe the bits about the aliens and Xenu and the body Thetans, and I won’t give all my money’.