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AIBU?

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Original poster

My refusal to be God parent 20 years ago!

103 replies

Pettynotvindictive · 22/04/2018 07:18

I'm not religious.

I don't have any issue with people following religion, I'll respect your choice but it's not for me.

20 years ago, a friend asked me to be God parent. I was flattered and politely told them no and just said if you need me to look after the baby if anything happens, I just would. I don't need a ceremony to ensure it!

I don't attend church (nor did they).

Said friend has now told me she can't believe I knocked her back.

I should've just said yes and got on with it, God parent is a honorary role not a serious one.

Now, I've been part of this child's life. Our kids were raised together but now this has really fucked me off. Maybe I'm being touchy but if you don't believe, should you fake?

Or is she a dick?

OP posts:
daffodildelight · 22/04/2018 12:19

Christians and churches would be happy for non church-goers to have their children Baptised. They would be made to feel very welcome.
Some people only do the big events - births, weddings and funerals at church and the odd Christmas and Easter. That's absolutely fine. God loves everyone equally, you don't get extra points for good attendance and behaviour!

I think some atheists are trolling this thread pretending to be Christians. There are plenty of gay Christians, gay Vicars etc. I think sometimes people get their information off anti religious sites on the internet rather than an actual real life church where no one would bat an eye lid if you are gay.

Everyone is welcome in church, regular attendees, atheists other religions etc

BossWitch · 22/04/2018 12:25

God loves everyone equally, you don't get extra points for good attendance and behaviour!

Err, you literally do get points for these when it comes to applying to your local school, if you happen to be (un)lucky enough for it to be a church affiliated one!

Thanksforthatamazingpost · 22/04/2018 12:28

Apparently the contents of the ceremony came as a complete shock to them......

EventNotInData · 22/04/2018 12:36

And that’s what happens when the conversation goes
Parent: “Will you be X’s godparent?”
Friend Y: “Ooh I’m not sure - I’m not really a Christian”
Parent: “That’s fine, it’s only a name”
Priest: “Do you, Y, solemnly promise in front of this congregation to renounce Satan, declare your belief in Father, Son and Holy Ghost, promise to obey the laws of God and to bring up this child in the Christian faith?”
Y: “Errrrrr”

Tistheseason17 · 22/04/2018 12:38

My DH and I are atheists and godparents! It can be compatible but only if they know you are not actually going to present god to their children as real! It was more of a "role". We only got asked after child 3 as they ran out of other people to ask!

ReanimatedSGB · 22/04/2018 12:41

YWNBU. I have refused to be a godparent more than once as I am a militant athiest, too.

BabychamSocialist · 22/04/2018 12:51

I'm a godparent and I'm an atheist. To me, it's a symbolic thing and an agreement between people that if something happens, you will step in. My kids have got godparents as well despite us not really being religious. We're all baptised catholics but aren't churchgoers.

didofido · 22/04/2018 12:54

sentMai - we don't do that sort of thing now - honest! You'd be hard pressed to find anyone, of any religion or none who would sign up to it.

We don't burn atheists either, so you'll be OK

Fifthtimelucky · 22/04/2018 13:09

I really can't see how being an atheist is compatible with being a godparent!My children's godparents needed to have been baptised, though not necessarily in the Church of England.

Both my children are now adults, but if anything had happened to us when they were younger my sister, not their godparents, would have looked after them.

sentMai · 22/04/2018 13:09

@didofido

So you're a good person and a bad christian. That's the preferable option.

The next step is completely denouncing an evil faith and being a good person without the extra baggage.

SeaToSki · 22/04/2018 13:11

I was asked to be a god parent, but when I pointed out that I am humanist at best and atheist probably a good portion of the time, we agreed that I would be an excellent UnGodly parent.

I didnt go to the christening as I live abroad and couldnt, but even if I had been able to go, I could not have stood up and said ‘I renounce the devil’ which is one of the bits I remember from other christenings i have attended as a guest.

TawnyPort · 22/04/2018 13:20

I suppose I just feel that she's picking and choosing parts of religion to live by

Like every religious person ever?

EventNotInData · 22/04/2018 14:33

It’s much like the way I felt about atheists getting married in church. All the C of E weddings I’ve been to are very clear about the believing in God thing.

“In front of God and this congregation of everyone I know I hereby declare that God and Jesus definitely exist and I definitely worship them and I also declare that I love and want to marry this man who I will definitely remain faithful to.”

Do they not get a bit worried about the fact that half of these allegedly solemn and binding vows are big fat porkies?

specialsubject · 22/04/2018 16:26

nope. weddings are a big source of income for churches. that overrides concern about people making vows they dont believe in.

EventNotInData · 22/04/2018 16:43

I don’t mean “do the church worry” - they don’t have a choice about whether to marry people in many cases and it’s not their marriage. I meant don’t the participants worry? I’d be very twitchy if I knew my DHTB was lying his head off through at least half our wedding service. Somewhat undermines the seriousness of the occasion no?

campion · 22/04/2018 16:47

Which Prayer Book are you quoting there, EvenNotIn?

The CofE is obliged to marry anyone who asks...and is legally available... so you don't really have to swear everlasting belief in God. Presumably,if you want a CofE wedding and don't believe in God then you just go along with it.

Clergy aren't so stupid that they don't already know this happens.

EventNotInData · 22/04/2018 16:52

I don’t think the C of E are doing anything wrong, but I’m just baffled by the thinking of the atheists.

LakieLady · 22/04/2018 17:00

I politely declined being a godparent to a friend's child because, as an atheist, my conscience would not permit me to lie when it came to making the vow. They were very understanding.

My parents didn't have me christened, which was pretty radical in 1955. My aunt was horrified!

TabbyMack · 22/04/2018 17:02

Standing up in church promising to guide a child in the Christian faith and renouncing the devil (or whatever) is a ridiculous thing for an atheist to do. It’s called lying. All so that they can wear a nice hat and pose for photos.

It’s also the height of hypocrisy to give tacit support to the act of signing a child up for a religion via baptism before they can even speak.

Aria2015 · 22/04/2018 17:03

It depends on the friend. I had my lo christened - we are not remotely religious and I didn't really want to but it was done to please family (like a lot of things!). I made this very clear to my friend who was made godmother. She isn't religious either and I told her it was just a sign of our strong friendship and her attachment to our son. Knowing we were both in the same boat she took it just as it was, a token she's my closest friend and we just sucked it up and got on with the day. I would have done the same the other way around in fact I have but with another friend, who had her lo christened for the exact same reasons I did (family pressure!).

Now it's all done and dusted my friend quite likes having the 'title' of godmother but her religious beliefs (or lack of them) remain the same, I do mine. Also My elderly grandmother can sleep at night knowing our child is christened (she couldn't before apparently!).

SweetSummerchild · 22/04/2018 17:04

YWNBU

Being a Godparent involves making promises about believing and trusting in God and turning to Christ. If you cannot, in good conscience, make those vows in front of a church congregation and God then you are right to refuse and should not be made to feel bad for it.

Would your friend ask you to lie for them in a court of law and then say you were being unreasonable if you refused?

Tistheseason17 · 22/04/2018 22:55

I enjoy telling my god child that it's just a lot of stories like any other book! His patents knew and they're the ones being hypocritical, not me. I didn't have to say anything in the ceremony so I'm good with my decision!

KC225 · 22/04/2018 23:24

20 years ago. Bloody hell. She's not the sister who went to her graduation instead of the wedding and is putting it on FB ten years later is she?

Your friend is spoiling for a 'miffed' arms fold.

What is the big deal if you stayed in the child's life and she is not religious?

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2018 23:39

Is it just Christian ceremonies that atheists want to have for their kids?

See this pisses me off. In the UK, schools are forced to have worship (not RE) of a broadly Christian nature. There are also schools selecting on the basis of Christianity. We're 'culturally Christian' after all. Bishops in the Lords, our Head of State is Head of the Church.

But woe betide an atheist who wants to use the pretty buildings and the nice spaces to have a little welcome ceremony for their kid. Or get hitched somewhere pretty and cheap.

Pick one; true separation of Church and State OR stop complaining when atheists touch your stuff.

TawnyPort · 22/04/2018 23:46

Totally agree. Don't impose your religion on us all for millennia and then whine when we use parts of it in a cultural way. You can't have it both ways.